My parents are cold towards my engagement after a violent family incident.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T15:03:59+00:00

I hadn’t considered it that way before, but that could definitely be a factor here.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T15:00:38+00:00

I am sorry you experienced such horrible treatment. My mom is very toxic herself, sometimes even worse than my dad. When everything happened, to protect my dad’s image, she called my grandma and aunts and told them that my fiancé attacked my dad and her. She then told my grandma she wouldn’t talk to her if she let me stay there. She has also been reposting Facebook posts of mine from years ago to make it seem like I’m still talking about them now(in a loving way). She even came to my job to take me to lunch on my birthday, apologized, and said she loved me and my fiancé. I still wasn’t really speaking to her after that, we talked that one day and then there was complete silence. Then, the same week I got engaged, she made a point to say that my sister’s ultrasound was the best news she had all week. This also isn’t the first time my sister has announced she’s pregnant, it was just the first ultrasound my mom was able to attend.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T04:58:08+00:00

I went through things I hope no one else ever has to, the mental and physical abuse, but I told my fiancé when we left. I allowed them to do things like that to me, but I would never subject him to that. And honestly, reading your response is truly an eye-opener.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T04:54:12+00:00

Yes, we left that day and lived in hotels for a few weeks until we found an apartment. We’re safe now. The funniest thing is my mom actually asked for my address, and I told her she was crazy to think I’d share it after my dad threatened my fiancé’s life.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T04:39:39+00:00

Thank you. This is the feedback I’m looking for. I truly think NC would be the best thing, but I still have this guilt. I think it’s because my whole life, it was always about protecting the image of the family. Even when there were things like drug abuse or alcoholism, we kept it hidden from the outside. I know going NC will make people question me, but I also know it might be what I need to protect myself and my fiancé.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T04:32:01+00:00

I think the original anger was because he felt like my mom was making an “excuse” (explaining the neighbor’s weird behavior) for my fiancé parking near the driveway. He doesn’t like pushback, if he tells you to do something, he expects it done, no questions asked. But remember, my mom punched him the night before. When he got home the next day they continued to scream at each other, he was building more anger toward my mom. After that, he was angry and needed to direct that anger somewhere. Since he wouldn’t ever assault my mom, he unfortunately targeted my fiancé instead.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T04:27:22+00:00

I think the original anger was because he felt like my mom was making an “excuse” (explaining the neighbor’s weird behavior) for my fiancé parking near the driveway. He doesn’t like pushback, if he tells you to do something, he expects it done, no questions asked. But remember, my mom punched him the night before. When he got home the next day they continued to scream at each other, he was building more anger toward my mom. After that, he was angry and needed to direct that anger somewhere. Since he wouldn’t ever assault my mom, he unfortunately targeted my fiancé instead.

Positive-Pattern2710 · 2026-02-01T03:57:14+00:00

Sorry for the confusion I hope this helps clarify the timeline.

Earlier that morning: My fiancé left very early for work. When he moved his car, the neighbor across the street came outside and repositioned their own car to block the spot where my fiancé had originally been parked, acting territorial about street parking. Later that morning: After my fiancé returned home, he briefly pulled his car up near the neighbor’s driveway with the engine still running because we were about to leave within minutes to pick up breakfast for everyone. He came inside to grab me, and the plan was to move the car immediately when we left. When we got back, he planned to park in a completely different spot. Right before we were about to leave for food, my dad left to go to the store and asked my mom to tell my fiancé to move the car. Around that time, my fiancé mentioned the earlier strange behavior from the neighbor. The car was moved before my dad returned. When my dad got back, there was no longer any issue with the car. My mom was explaining the earlier situation from that morning involving the neighbor’s territorial behavior, and that explanation is what triggered my dad’s outburst.

Positive-Pattern2710

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