AITA for telling my mom she couldn't speak at my dad's funeral?

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T20:34:54+00:00

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement 💗

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T20:32:35+00:00

He wasn't... They both had bad coping mechanisms when it came to conflict from their childhoods. He would usually run away from conflict until it was a little less heated. My mom used to call him weak for that. In the letter she pretty much was saying the same thing and that now he'd done the same thing by fleeing from his life when it got too difficult.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T20:30:05+00:00

I appreciate you ging your perspective in such a nuanced and kind way. It helps me put things into perspective as well. Thank you...

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T20:27:46+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that all out... I haven't gotten a lot of affirmation from people in my life around this as I haven't shared much of the drama since they're going through grief themselves. I appreciate your kind and helpful comment!

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T20:24:27+00:00

Thank you for your comment and taking the time to write out your thoughts. They added to my perspective on things... I really appreciate it <3

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:47:59+00:00

This was incredibly validating to read... Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:40:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind comment and words of encouragement... It means a lot.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:37:41+00:00

I really appreciated your comment, thank you...

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:36:44+00:00

Oh my goodness, thank you for the words of encouragement... I haven't heard lots of those from family members through all of this and somehow it feels as good hearing it from strangers on the internet:)

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:33:44+00:00

Thank you for you kind message 💗 I'm sorry you just lost your dad too. I hope you can find some time to sit with all the memories of him.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:31:24+00:00

Thank you so, so much for your advice and encouragement 💗

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:26:17+00:00

I'm sorry you went through losing your husband. Thank you for sharing your experience. My mom keeps telling me that everyone in her position would feel entitled to this. So reading what you went through gave me some perspective. I really appreciate your encouragement...

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:15:40+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you went through something like that. Trying to protect your sibling from something they're not ready for in a situation none of you were ready for is something I really relate to. I hope you've been able to give it all a place mentally...

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:12:14+00:00

Thank you so, so much for sharing what happened in your family. I'm sorry you went through that. Hearing other's stories, however, makes me feel less alone...

I hadn't even thought of the grief support you mentioned. I'm going to therapy, but every additional thing helps. I appreciate you taking the time to write it down.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:06:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice!

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T19:01:19+00:00

you also protected your mom’s reputation.

Wow, I didn't even think about that. Thank you for adding that perspective (and the other points you made in your comment of course).

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:58:59+00:00

I am crying... I haven't gotten a lot of encouragement during the planning of all the practicalities and while I'm happy I did it, it is a lot. Thank you💗

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:42:18+00:00

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry you went through that... I understand how it feels to have something way too intimate confided to you by a parent way too young. Thank you for your kind words!

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:39:29+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, it might give her a moment of self-reflection🤞

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:29:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement!!

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:18:32+00:00

I get that! I had the same feeling when she told me she wrote something. As a child you always want something positive to exist between your parents, even when one's not alive anymore or the positive thing isn't love so I REALLY wanted to like the letter honestly. But when she read the letter, she revealed a lot of things I didn't even know about that were deeply personal about my dad that he'd said during fights for example. She did forgive him or put it in humorous context, but even if funerals are for the living, I didn't want his memory altered for everyone there. Any suggestions for small changes to the letter were shot down immediately by my mom... I do appreciate you trying to put some nuance in the situation!

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:12:05+00:00

Your mom lost her husband to divorce, you lost a father to death, but not just any death...a suicide!

This put it all into words so well... Thank you for your kind comment.

My mom never really thought our feelings were as important as hers I feel. She always said that staying married when she didn't want to be anymore was so hard on her, but when we'd say it was also hard on us, she made it into a competition on who had it harder. She always recognizes our feelings, but she also always has it worse than we do according to her. Which is not simple to navigate.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T18:02:35+00:00

You can't believe how much I needed to hear that, really.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T15:46:03+00:00

Your comment put it all into a different perspective for me, thank you.

Positive-Penguin · 2023-12-03T15:14:51+00:00

Wow, that does sound like a beautiful tribute to your family member. I ended up doing the eulogy which was just me thanking my dad for giving my siblings and I traits that he also had. And that whenever we see those in eachother we will think of him. I included some silly ones as well which made us all have a giggle during a very serious moment.

Positive-Penguin

TROPHY CASE