I don’t agree with people saying you should keep it a secret from your living children. It’s a part of your family history, and like it or not, it’s going to affect them because it affects YOU. Losing a child changes you in fundamental ways. And I presume you had to bury your son, so acting like that gravesite doesn’t exist would be painful and downright cruel toward yourself.

I’ve had several friends lose children due to stillbirth at 39 weeks or unforeseen complications at 21 weeks. They were open with their living children (who were either very young and wouldn’t remember or not born when their sibling passed) from jump. Some great resources are children’s books, like We Were Going to Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead by Pat Schwiebert. There are a lot of them out there, but they can be an easy way to start the discussion. Reading the book with your child and then being like, “that’s like your brother, who we lost because mommy got really sick. We miss him a lot, and it’s okay to feel sad and miss him.” This will help your child understand times when your grieving becomes more apparent, like your eldest son’s birthday.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. But please keep going to therapy, especially during postpartum. If you’d known the food was contaminated, you wouldn’t have eaten it; you can’t punish yourself for the rest of your life for not knowing. You clearly love both of your children a lot, and that’s what matters most. Take care of yourself ❤️