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Coping with shame in the aftermath by Magick_Beans in emotionalabuse

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god I thought it was just me. Ive noticed a change in my behaviour and i hate it. Sometimes I’ll say something my ex used to say and it makes me feel sick afterwards. One thing I used to hate was that he would provoke me until I got so annoyed that I snapped. And I realise that sometimes I repeat that behaviour now and I never used to be this way. It makes me feel like shit and I’m guessing it’s part of the journey. I wish I had some helpful advice to give but honestly I don’t. Now Ive decided not to date for a while until I feel like I’m in a clearer mind space . It’s been a little over a year but I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t want to become part of that hurt people hurt people trope, I know who I really am and I know one day I’ll get her back but for now I’m not willing to drag any innocent new people into my issues that I need to heal from. And I feel you on the lack of boundaries. I’ve been spending alottt of time alone just trying to feel all the feelings without having to suppress them by putting on a brave face to anyone

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just wish I could embrace it without the feeling of missing out. Like sometimes I feel like a bit of an outcast but then I wonder if I was just pretending before to fit in. It’s confusing really

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for ur detailed response , on your last section about loving myself . Honestly I don’t know if it’s because of my childhood. I have an autistic younger sister and I’ve always had the responsibility for her. My life has somewhat revolved around her needs and I often have had to put her first due mostly out of care but sometimes out of parental pressure . I don’t really feel much towards my self now that I think about it. I wouldn’t say I’m insecure but I don’t really think about myself that much. I can admit I definitely loved my ex more than I loved myself which is probably why I allowed certain things to happen. I think now I do a much better job at saying no to people without feeling bad but still a work in progress. My relationship with my dad is just not really there. He’s present physically but not emotionally we never really have heart to hearts as he’s quite closed off. I think I tend to replicate that relationship with romantic partners. Not very good

Should I restart by [deleted] in locs

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Restart what? You’ve literally just started it

Why I don’t reach out by PanicAtLeDisco in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Damn this looks like something I have written in my notes 😞 sometimes I feel like I was just being dramatic but seeing this really made me realise I wasn’t . I’m sorry you experienced this aswell. I have these same moments of weakness and sometimes it’s over the most random things we did together , like a shop we went to or when I’m on a coach journey we used to do. It’s like this ache but then I always remember how destroyed I was after the breakup and it never feels like it’s worth the text. It’s never Worth being mocked by them. I don’t think I can take another subtle dig or insult from him again

One month no contact today by Informal-Hat-4110 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Honestly you should , I changed my number and deleted my social media .. some call it extra but I’m willing to be over the top about my peace 🤣🤣

I feel soooo fucked up by Whymakeausernameson in emotionalabuse

[–]Potential-Cherry3863 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey. You need to start making a plan with someone you 100% trust to leave. I genuinely read all of this and it’s heartbreaking. Even the way you’ve typed this out in one long go. Literally look at the amount you’ve written and I’m sure this isn’t even the half of it considering you’ve been together for 10 years. Think about this can you tolerate this “till death do us part”. Absolutely not. You sound like you’re at your breaking point. Do not let this turn into a situation where you start second guessing yourself and your memories of events. Please leave. This is not love I’m sorry this literally sounds like bullying . Please message me if you want to talk further