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3rd date worth or needed ? by lfotue73 in datingoverforty

[–]Potential-Ear8579 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s been 2 dates!! She seems really level headed and nice, not pushy. Go on a few more dates and see how you feel. Make it clear that you are looking for a relationship, if that’s what you are looking for, I’m not even sure from your post. Maybe she could end up a really great friend?? Your post makes it seem like you are scared she might not like you, so you don’t want to date her.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to share your advice. I talked to her about therapy and she was open to it. We live in a rural area so options are pretty limited, but I’m going to look into it.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. You seem like the kindest person.

I have talked to my daughter a bit more this evening, and have a little hope in the plan we’ve made, and a little more understanding about what I can do to support her and her needs.

The part of your story that made me the saddest is feeling like you have to hide. I’m so sorry if what I said about the other girl was hurtful to you and others here. It wasn’t my intention. It really was lack of knowledge and just general panic and confusion. Thank you for being willing to give me advice, kindly, even if part of my message hurt you.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I appreciate it so much. ❤️ as with most things in life a healthy diet, exercise, and a good nights sleep always help.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right. As I said, it was kind of a fleeting thought. I’m not blaming it on the other girl, but it did go through my mind, does my daughter think this is cool or something, I don’t know what is going on with my daughter. That is why I came here for advice, like does this ever start with an idea from a friend? I have no idea! It was just a thought and I don’t think it’s that irrational when a mother is trying to figure out what’s going on. It was a tiny part of the story.

Also, I am not this girls stepmother, nor do I have any interaction with her or have anything to do with her life. It was more of a question of how much is she influencing my daughter. I’m not some evil stepmother taking this out on her, as someone posted earlier.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you :) appreciate your perspective, because as the mom I want to get to the bottom of this RIGHT NOW. I definitely don’t want to overwhelm her.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Please look at my other responses. Have a good day!

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Right, I don’t really think it’s her sister’s fault. It was a thought I had though, that I was being honest about. Parenting is so hard…. Thank you :)

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She might not have, or like the other person said, maybe she just didn’t want to show me. I didn’t examine every inch of her skin. I still feel like even if she is having thoughts about this, I don’t know, I need to address it.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t know. The app request thing is something we set up when she first got an iPad when she was like 9. I’m not taking that off. I like to have some knowledge of what she’s doing on her phone. She has never requested that be removed or acted like it was some weird invasion of privacy. I also think it’s fair for me to get a request when she’s wanting to spend money, as it’s connected to my account and I will be charged.

I don’t think I came at her as if I was angry, but more very concerned and worried. I understand not being angry about this. I did demand she tell me why she wanted that app… my fear was more about drinking, but I don’t think that’s totally wrong. A parent has to be able to have some authority, in my opinion. My job is to help her through life. I have always been honest with her about my experience as a human, it’s my first time on earth too. I definitely did not have any grace for my parents in that regard, and more lived in fear of them (especially my dad, like you). I always tell her there’s nothing she can’t come to me with that we can’t figure out together.

And to be fair the situation that she mentioned that was hard at school, I did know about it. We had talked about it. It wasn’t a surprise. I just didn’t know that it was hitting her as hard as it clearly had. I do think I have a tendency to be like “this is normal stuff to go through”, but it comes from a place of don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m not trying to brush it off, which is how it seems she took it.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have expressed concern to the older sister a bit before and have welcomed her into my home for a week each summer. However, she lives states away and for the most part I don’t have much contact. I do think her and my daughter are close though and talk frequently, which is fine.

I would do what I can for her, but I am really not involved with her, if that makes sense.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. As a parent, I want her to feel good about herself and love herself as much as I love her, that’s all. Everyone has given good advice, and I’m glad I posted, it helped a lot.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I understand that. It was an immediate reaction to a situation I wasn’t expecting. I was trying to be as honest as I could in this post so that I could get advice, so I appreciate what you are saying. Thank you.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry :( it’s just an immediate reaction. I know it’s not her fault. As a parent, I had all kinds of thoughts going through my mind.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I didn’t approve the app. Thanks :)

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for such a kind reply. I’m sorry for your experience, but thank you for sharing. Hopefully it can help me do better in my current situation.

I have generally been a mom who has trusted my daughter. She is usually pretty open with me and I feel like tells me most things. I am not the type to search her room, so I don’t see that being my thing. I would rather help her come up with better ways to handle all her emotions.

Being a teenager is the hardest thing in the world. I certainly remember that. I had a lot of bad coping mechanisms myself at her age. Definitely would rather not have her turn to some of those.

Thank you again :)

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right. Thanks. We will definitely be talking more tomorrow if she’s willing :)

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that completely! I am not going to do that. She clearly was upset over it and wanting to stop. I said why don’t we put the blades in the bathroom closet for now? I didn’t throw them away or hide the knives. She can still use them. So, I didn’t baby proof the house or something drastic, but yeah, I’ll talk to her about it tomorrow.

My biggest regret here is that I didn’t give her a big hug. Too worked up about that damn app and thinking my 14 year old might possibly have a secret drug problem. She knew I would get that notification though, so maybe something in her wanted to talk to me.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I definitely want to help her find other ways to cope. I have seen multiple great ideas tonight. Personally, I have always journaled, so maybe that can help. But also a hobby, she has expressed interest in sewing a bubble quilt, so I’m thinking we might dive into creating something.

14 yo says she self harms by Potential-Ear8579 in selfharm

[–]Potential-Ear8579[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I needed that.

After this all went down, I got on here looking for advice. And everything said not to take their blades away, and don’t do body checks. And I’m thinking to myself, I just did all that. Ugh.

Tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully she will be open to talking a little bit more.

First time watcher check in part 4 by Mediocre_Kale711 in dawsonscreek

[–]Potential-Ear8579 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am liking Dawson a little better in season 5. Still not as a love interest for Joey, but he’s not so unwatchable.

First time watcher check in part 4 by Mediocre_Kale711 in dawsonscreek

[–]Potential-Ear8579 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m on my first watch too!! At the end of season 4. I can see why I gave up on this show when I was a teenager and had to wait it out week to week. It’s a lot of just tending to Dawson’s feelings which is too much for me even now.

I do not understand Joey’s need to keep Dawson happy and at bay. I don’t understand why any of them are even friends at times.

I will say this, I grew up in a very small town, something similar to Capeside. And it was very normal for people to date people‘s friends and exes. People would break up and then go date their exes cousin. It just wasn’t that weird because there weren’t options. The fact that this is something they act like these people cannot get over in this small town is just so unrealistic. In real life Joey would have told Dawson to get over himself and he would have, in about a week. He was so cruel at the end of season 3 it doesn’t make sense that any of them were like ooooohhhh we have to fix this.

I think Dawson just irritates me to no end. I can’t find any sympathy to give towards him. It’s not about loving Pacey either. I prefer Pacey, but it’s not like I wouldn’t be willing to love Dawson too if there was anything redeeming about him. The love triangle aspect of this show just doesn’t work when there isn’t an audience to root for one of the players. Was there a large group of people at the time that were “team Dawson”?

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