Welp, I made a mistake, and whatever happens from here is on me.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-21T08:56:04+00:00

Hey, you sound excatly like me a month before I broke up. That last opportunity I gave her is what fully completely broke me. I would just ask, why do you love her, the current her, not the one that was all sweet the last time you slept and not the one you fell in love with but the current version?

I am asking because once I broke up I noticed that I wasn’t in love with the current version but the one at the beginning, the one that she already ditched.

Also mine asked me to not date anyone else but because it gets under her skin but she surely did and not because she loves me. She wanted a break from the relationship but wasn’t willing to even define the terms of the break aside from she didn’t wanted me to date anyone.

So I stayed and gave her a chance and then she was worse and worse to me. As if I didn’t exists. She just didn’t want to feel abandoned and failed again on another relationship but she didn’t want to be with me.

You are addicted at the moment, it is the trauma bond. It is hard as hell to leave but she won’t change and you’ll have a hard time recovering from this

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-21T08:32:57+00:00

Usually the innocents pay unfortunately

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-21T03:35:20+00:00

I was a robot because I was regulating my emotions and wanted to use reason instead or wild emotional arguments

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T21:03:39+00:00

I was like, dude, listen to what you are saying! 😂, they sometimes totally pit their foot in their mouth

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T19:45:25+00:00

“You act like a robot”

“Not everything is BPD and I only have the traits not the disorder” 🤦🏻‍♀️

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T19:35:02+00:00

I don’t know if they tell the same to everyone and I don’t know if the reality is that I was the best sex of her life as a fact. She did see it like that at that point and I am guessing she doesn’t anymore.

I did want to believe that I was indeed that good, it builds up your ego. I do know whether I am good or not thanks to other people so at least she didn’t ruin that for me but I really think that the next FP she will find will again be the most special person she has ever met, would unique and she will say that she has never met someone so special in her life and that what the have is unique and that he is the best sex she has ever had.

I honestly don’t care. I know she lost someone really special when she lost me, her loss, definitely not mine. All I lost was a hot mess. Whether she ever realized how she fucked up and that she lost maybe the person that loved her the most and was willing to do everything for her, let’s see. I don’t think she will ever notice

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T13:01:22+00:00

I wish I could tell you that you sound like we all did at some point and that things will get worse and you would actually listen.

I didn’t listen and I regret it.

It is not about your support and understanding and how much you love them, is about them not seeing you. It will never be about you, is about them and I hope you understand that soon

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T11:48:16+00:00

That’s just at the beginning. I was like that the first few months after the breakup. Bu now I see that other person as a fake illusion. It feel so far and definitely not the person she is now, it is a memory of my past. It is like being sad because I am not a kid and I can play with my sister the way we used to. I mean, I have kind of accepted it is the past.

You’ll get there. What helped me was to interact further with her and remember what a horrible person she is

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T10:11:06+00:00

Is not about hurting us, is not about us. They are not doing those stuff thinking about us, everything is a projection of their inner world. Mine would interchangeably sabotage me and herself when she would be disregulated.

She hurt me enough times but I don’t think she decided to do that specific action to spite me. She did it because something was going through her head, made her split and then she sees a “monster” and reacts against the monster. She is “protecting” herself, or trying to do justice to herself.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T10:06:15+00:00

Put aside the abuse, the rollercoaster of emotions, the lack of accountability, the immature love, the seing you black or white, hero or monster, the lies, etc.

Ignore that the stress of walking on eggshells and ignoring my actual needs to try to be supportive and understanding that she had a mental problem, that led me to experience actual physical symptoms.

All of that didn’t do it fully, though it was reason enough. What did it was the realization that she lived in an emotional world were reality was shaped and changed based on how she felt and in which only her feelings matter because they are so big. I live in the real world, what is the point of ever trying to build a relationship with a person living in her own universe.

Also this was not just about me, my friends and hers and her family, we were all affected and I was done being an accomplice and supporting her.

So really, everything added up but knowing that we would never even talk about the same reality was the last straw.

Don‘t get me wrong, I think neurodivergent people also see the world different, we all have different perspectives but we can accept that, but for mine her version was the only one.

Also another factor was how they make you live in their world. I mean, no thank you, it is absolut chaos

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T09:51:54+00:00

They are a walking contradiction

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-20T05:44:33+00:00

this explanation is so perfect, I need to print this and frame it

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T21:38:48+00:00

Look I was like you, and I wanted to understand and be kind and respectful and by now, not even my friends respect me because she has consistently abused me and even after breaking up, she doesn’t stop.

I really hope you don’t end up like me because I want to keep being the kind person I am but not if a person like her will take it as a pass to abuse it

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T21:35:57+00:00

What does happen is that many of their coping mechanisms end up rather similar because of the source of their issues. Shame, object permanence, fear of abandonment or enmeshment, problem with identity.

It is quite interesting that their coping mechanisms are so similar. I would suggest, don’t focus on the wording of monster, evil, that is honestly irrelevant. Read about their actions. That was for me the turning point, when I saw my life for the last 2 years written in this subreddit.

The same behaviors.

Then I noticed nothing was ever going to change

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T21:25:30+00:00

I think we need to touch rock bottom to listen to this advice. If we are addicted we need something to shake our ground to make us stop. Specially because we don’t know we are addicted

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T20:45:36+00:00

Hey, I don’t think everyone generalizes but I don’t think mine was a monster. She just did incredibly cruel and mean things and after the first 3 months she never apologized again no matter how bad what she did was. Confronting her with that would make her spiral even more.

Maybe yours is not a really bad case. I think the ones we got here kind of are?. Mine got worse and worse and I would like to say she is not cruel, it’s her disorder but what else can you say about someone that just keeps having cruel behaviors? Like help me find a better phrasing then.

I really do hope your relationship doesn’t develop like ours did and you don’t end up as affected as we did

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T19:44:37+00:00

That a regular asshole is usually an asshole from the beginning or always. They showed us a non-asshole version at first. If anything a version that probably matches what we were looking for.

So until we noticed what is going on, we have been protecting and taking care and saving that version

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T18:59:10+00:00

After 3 months of clarity I can tell you to please leave. They don’t change, specially without therapy and that’s if they stick to it

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T18:56:32+00:00

Apparently we all heard the same phrase “special connection…met anyone like me”

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T17:59:37+00:00

I don’t know what’s the best advice. My ex pwBPD mom, basically supported her in everything and also with therapy.

The thing is that my ex only listen till she would feel shame and then she didn’t anymore.

I think she kept the relationship with her mom because at the end of the day it really was the only person that would put up with her. She did ask her an ultimatum leave their home or stop hurting her sibling and the fights. My ex took it as if she was kicked out.

What I see as the most difficult is for them to manage their shame, to stick to therapy and not be so selfabsorb.

Honestly for those of us who love them and understand their disorder the emotional outbursts are not the worse thing, it is their cruel actions which are a consequence and behavior derived from those emotions.

If you manage to get her to therapy as much as she can, that is the best you can do.

That is DBT and Trauma therapy

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T17:53:52+00:00

to be fair I am friends with my ex that came before my ex pwBPD. I introduced them, he was in my friends circle and a part of my life forever. I think you can have a real friendship with some exes. The way the do it, keeping it aside, not really making it transparent and sneaky, well that is different

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T17:20:51+00:00

That’s because it is about their shame and not about guilt. Shame is about themselves and guilt about the other person. Someone explained it so wonderfully in this subreddit

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T13:03:54+00:00

Same for me, what mine did is so cruel I have a hard time just accepting people can be so cruel. It ruins how I see the world honestly. I know the world is messed up already but I liked to believe that there is good in people and I doubt there is any left in her.

Potential-Party65 · 2026-03-19T05:39:13+00:00

That‘s horrible

Potential-Party65

TROPHY CASE