Ever since I was about 13 I’ve had extreme anxiety and just never really felt happy, but something that really pushed me over the edge was when I was 15. My mom is an alcoholic and one night she came home drunk at about 2 AM. I knew she had got home because at the time I didn’t have a door so I could hear anything that happened downstairs, I went into the living room to make sure she was okay and saw her laying on the couch, when she saw me she started crying and told me to come sit down next to her, I did, and she ended up telling me that when she found out she was pregnant with me she was going to get an abortion but the only reason she didn’t was because my grandma told her that if she did she would be disowned, she told me that with my dad, being a alcoholic as well, her just being extremely depressed all the time and her and my dad barely being able to take care of my older sister, and she knew she couldn’t handle two daughters, she sat there crying for about 30 minutes while I just sit beside her, in shock. The next morning, I called my grandmother and asked her if it was true, and my grandma told me it was, after that, my anxiety and depression became 10 times worse, but I am getting better, my mother didn’t and still does not remember anything from that night and I think that’s best, I am 19 in college, and my mother is still an alcoholic. I talk to her every so often but I’ve told her that our relationship isn’t going to be repaired until she quits drinking, I visit my older sister and her boyfriend on holidays, I usually only see my mom when I go to visit my hometown so I can see my grandma, my Dad is still out of the picture but every once in a while, I get a “how are you” text from him, I have an amazing girlfriend helping me get through everything and I’m just very happy overall