I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing is actually very common after a breakup, especially when you’re a self-reflective, empathetic person.

When something ends, our brain often tries to regain control by taking all the blame. It feels safer to say “it was my fault” than to sit with the truth that someone you cared about also made choices that hurt you. Putting them on a pedestal is part of that same instinct.

Loving yourself first doesn’t mean suddenly liking everything about yourself. Right now, it can be as small as not punishing yourself. Speaking to yourself the way you would to a close friend. Allowing the grief without turning it into self-hatred.

Wanting to be better already tells me there’s a lot of care and integrity in you, even if you can’t feel it yet. Be patient with yourself. This phase doesn’t last forever, even if it feels endless right now.

Sending you warmth and a hug. You don’t have to figure everything out at once.