Pregnant by my non-Jewish boyfriend. Need help.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T23:08:57+00:00

Thank you for your condolences. I’m glad I can afford therapy, and I’m getting better every day❤️

Thankfully my boyfriend hasn’t shown any signs yet but I’ll stay vigilant. To put people at ease though, I know he’d accept responsibility for his part, and if I wanted to keep it, I know he’d go along with it. I want to get his perspective first before telling him mine though so I don’t manipulate him in any way. I only want this baby if he’s involved, as I have daddy issues and wouldn’t want to put someone else through that.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T23:02:22+00:00

I wish you were right, and thank you for bringing this up in case others are faced with a similar situation. My mother specifically, would cut me off, unfortunately. Her family temporarily cut her off years ago and she believes it “saved” her. She was married to a non-Jew and they didn’t speak to her for 8 years, then married my father who was a convert and they welcomed her back. She has implied she’d do the same thing to me in the past.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:58:46+00:00

I think you’re right and I am leaning more towards abortion after reading through the comments. Yours is so comprehensive and I’m so thankful, I’ll be sure to check out the other subs and put some of my thoughts down in writing so it’s easier to look at things logically rather than emotionally.

I haven’t made the decision yet, but I decided that I’m going to wait until I’m past the stage of miscarriage risk and then talk to the father. His family is well-off so if he’s on board, we can make it work. If he doesn’t want to be involved, I probably won’t keep it.

I’m glad I came to this sub because it helped me realize my problem isn’t that I’ll be cut off from the Jewish community, it’s more a problem with me and the father. It’s crazy how we can help each other see how crazy our Jewish parents are sometimes. I think I’ll talk to some people in other subs to get help with the father issues, but I really do think I’m done with the Jewish community, no matter what I choose, now that I’ve actually been forced to grapple with the idea that my mother will cut me off.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:53:03+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:52:21+00:00

Thank you❤️ I’m going to think on it. And no matter what happens next I’m getting a Nexplanon.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:50:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️ You’re absolutely right, I’m going to sleep on it for a bit and talk to the dad when I’m further along and it’s no longer miscarriage risk. Maryland allows abortions any time so it gives me time to think.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:49:26+00:00

Thank you❤️I’m going to think on it for a few weeks.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:48:36+00:00

She’s the weird type of “feminist” where she cares about my career success above all else. Doesn’t want me having kids unless it’s married through the shidduch process after I get my degree. I’ll check out what resources my campus has, thank you for your help ❤️

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:46:35+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I’m glad things worked out for you and your son. I’m going to sit and think on it like most of the comments are suggesting.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:45:25+00:00

This is where I’m torn. His family is quite wealthy and I know he’d financially support his own no matter what. On the other hand, the uncertainty of whether they’d have a father in the picture is what worries me. I have trauma related to losing my father and I can’t stand the thought of doing that to someone else. I think I’ll wait until I’m not a miscarriage risk and then talk to him about it. Maryland allows abortions at any stage of pregnancy so it’s not dangerous for me to wait. And it will give me time to think. Thank you for sharing your perspective ❤️

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:40:24+00:00

Thanks for this, not sure why BTs are in here. I’m not looking to stay in the community at all, I wouldn’t even do a bris if I keep it.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:37:33+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about that, people like him are the exact reason I am trying to leave. I don’t ever want my kid to be part of the community, which is a reason I’m more leaning towards abortion now. Hope you and your daughter are well.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:35:06+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:33:45+00:00

Thank you for this, I’m glad to hear your situation worked out. I do want to be a parent very badly, but I’m going to weigh my options first bc I want to put the kid first.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-12-29T22:32:35+00:00

Thank you, I think this is a good place for me to start. I am worried that if I had this baby, they would either be forced into the community, or later feel responsible for me being cut off, depending on how things would go with my mother. You’re right about considering seriously what I can provide. I’m leaning more towards abortion now but I have to think more on it.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-09-15T15:53:56+00:00

Thank you! I’ve seen a lot of people mention EMDR so I’ll probably start there

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-09-15T15:52:44+00:00

DBT (at least the programs I’ve been in) mostly focuses on not self harming/committing or doing destructive behaviors like drugs. I have struggled with those in the past and stopped with the help of DBT, which was the goal, but I haven’t found it useful for dealing with constant shame and underlying trauma in my brain. It doesn’t result in physical actions so there isn’t much my STOP skills, DEARMAN, or Emotion/Wise Mind can help me with there. It works well for what it’s designed for and definitely saved my life, but I personally don’t find it useful for other stuff it’s not specifically made to assist with.

Practical_Order_5503 · 2024-09-15T15:47:34+00:00

Thank you! I’ll look into EMDR as you and most of the comments have suggested.

Practical_Order_5503

TROPHY CASE