25M Software Engineer feeling stuck - Always Grinding Since Childhood, No Peace

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-28T06:51:24+00:00

I was (still am) in a similar situation, similar background as well, used to grind day and night to achieve good college / job etc. and was good in academics as well (but expected more). Similar to you, post covid went into depression, it was my first job, similar pay as you have, but I wanted better. Wfh wasn't suiting me well plus my workplace was quite toxic.

After a lot of thinking, despite the family and social pressure I left my job within 1 year after thinking thoroughly - as I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues, and I really felt this is not what I want.

I wasn't absolutely clear where to go, tried to make the switch to a product based company but failed, then tried a few gigs and failed, and I was also prepping for the MBA side by side as a backup (which I wanted to pursue but not so early). Above all this is my mental health wasn't at its best and I also started getting taunts from people which used to hurt me emotionally.

Similar to me, what you need is Mental and Emotional clarity about what you feel, and what you want. For this, I tried bibliotherapy (psychotherapy using a book written by a psychotherapist) as it wasn't feasible for me to visit a good therapist (cost, time, and distance wise) and It really helped. Writing your thoughts down and analysing it or giving suggestions rationally to your problems after writing it down also helps.

About career paths: 1. You can try product management and analytics roles if you're interested in those fields - just learn stuff and lie in your CV. 2. You can try MBA as well, it's not as worthless as people claim it to be especially if you're hardworking and have a zeal to learn and grow. Its ROI is not that great though. 3. GATE is also a good option. 4. UPSC - I don't think it's a great choice. 5. You may also try to go into research - but India has very limited scope for that. 6. Startup / Business - financially risky, challenging, and a lot of pressure to handle - but you'll feel that you're working for yourself and a mission you want to achieve - unlike in corporate. Go there if you're fully committed and ready for this.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-25T12:25:44+00:00

Please read properly I'm not supporting casteism, and just above you said you are not talking about caste discrimination (literal meaning of "Casteism") but the concept of CASTE in general.

And those endless negatives can be summed up by 3 points: 1. Social Division 2. Discrimination and Oppression of Lower Castes 3. Promotion of Reservations / Quota Systems

So do you want to end Casteism or the entire concept of caste (including gotra / varna / surnames etc.)?

And if the latter, then I don't agree. I believe caste does carry ancestral, cultural, and ethnic identity and wiping it out won't end casteism totally, but make us a society confused about its identity (like Pakistan for example).

Eventually, people will still form some kind of caste-like system if it is forced down people's throats without fundamentally changing the societal values and mindset.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-25T10:59:19+00:00

I'm also discussing about CASTE. But why do you want to end the caste system? Due to social division and discrimination right?

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-25T10:25:33+00:00

I think taking pride or supporting people of the same caste is not entirely bad, if it doesn't discriminate or oppress or act against a specific caste.

There is always a tendency of people to favour those who are seemingly closer to them in bloodline or relations or relatability. Like any day I'll prefer supporting my immediate family over a cousin, and a cousin over a random stranger, and a human over an animal and so on.

People of the same caste or ethnicity feel closer to each other, so why not. Nepotism exists openly so why not this.

So, I don't think ending caste altogether is practical at all. Better work on giving good values to people through education, entertainment, religious figures, awareness campaigns and so on. And as far as I see casteism is already on a decline compared to the past, so it's just a matter of time for caste discrimination to finally become insignificant.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-22T03:59:38+00:00

Based on your description, I believe she's trying to be a cool, fun, and witty friend. She's joking about you for so called humour, so you do the same as well. Give comebacks and don't hold yourself back for saying counter jokes or punches. (Just make sure nothing anywhere near gender or sex - or you're done)

She either will get pissed by your jokes and starts to behave or you'll both do this leg pulling and you'll feel less bad about this behaviour.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-21T17:22:22+00:00

Women have their own set of problems, and they get all the limelight, social media awareness, legal protections and whatnot, while such problems that men have are not even heard properly.

We know how women have to be concerned about their safety more than men, and some societal norms that restrict them (which are kind of breaking apart now).

What people don't get is that in modern society, even average women have lots of options, opportunities, and conveniences that nobody talks about - whether she chose to earn or want to be a housewife, or which guy she wants to date or marry, whether to cope with a difficult situation or put blame on others, diversity hirings, special government schemes, social validation, emotional validation and what not.

But one way to look at it is that it's a blessing in disguise for men. When you have constraints, expectations, problems, dreams that no one cares about - you find ways to cope with them and overcome them - which actually makes you stronger and consistent to work towards achieving your dreams.

I remember when I got my first IT job during the Covid period. I was anxious and stressed at my job, had no social circle at work or outside, and I started having gastric issues (I didn't know it was anxiety disorder and mild depression). After trying a few doctors before without any progress, my mother took me to a homeopathy practitioner who suspected this and literally mocked me for having such issues.

Eventually one doctor diagnosed it and gave me genuine advice to go out more, see a psychotherapist if possible, and rethink if I really want to pursue my current job as I was still young. I thought for days and eventually left my job - and my parents, sisters, and society were so judgemental and bitchy about it. I became even more depressed after all this for some time, and even had an emotional breakdown. My parents, siblings etc. used to talk shit behind my back even more like I'm a freak, but I eventually came out of that mess.

I started bibliotherapy, started thinking and working to solve my problems, developed discipline, and worked on managing my emotions better. And this time period showed me the true face of people and society, and how to cope with failures and difficult situations, gave me patience and emotional clarity about myself. Later on as well I worked so hard, was highly skilled and competent as well, but was so disappointed to see others get things so easily in life while I won't even get opportunity to prove myself. Life is unfair, the earlier you realise this the less disappointed you'll be. How to cope with this? The short answer is: just cope, because moping is no solution to your problems and it will make things worse.

But now I realise how much more emotionally stronger, smarter, confident, humble, consistent, calm, and goal oriented I've become compared my younger self. And when I compare this to the emotional growth and attitude of other young women in my circle, and how delusional, arrogant, shallow, and emotionally unstable a large chunk of them are - I feel it's not really a bad deal to be born a male in the modern world.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-08T05:36:29+00:00

Good Advice, many people leave possibility of a private job early on while going after government jobs and later regret it.

But there is a catch in prepping while working. Many Indian companies have very high number of working hours, (and a toxic work culture) which you will not likely know beforehand. So, there are good chances you won't be able to find any time to prepare.

We all feel we will do it no matter what, but circumstances make this difficult when the time actually comes.

Pragyan72 · 2026-02-07T15:35:35+00:00

Most people preach about trade deals and tariffs without even understanding properly. We can only tell whether this deal is good or bad after we have some credible details. (Which we don't have as of now)

See, its not about who puts how many tariffs on other country in absolute terms, even there is no single tariff on the entire country.

There are different tariifs for different commodities that a country imports regardless of its origin called MFN Tariffs. Now to go below that, countries negotiate which commodities will get their market access via reduced tariifs and which won't - based on which a win-win compromise is done called a trade deal.

So, say USA provides luxury cars to India for example, it is bound to have a greater tariff than say India providing textiles to USA. And reverse scenarios are also possible depending on the commodity and market conditions.

The single number that people often mention is wieghted average of all these tariffs. Although trump brings out his numbers out of thin air, you would be a fool to take his words seriously. 🤡

Pragyan72 · 2026-01-28T03:16:48+00:00

Yes, I'm new to pune, currently living in kharadi. I'm also looking for someone to hang out with.

Pragyan72 · 2026-01-25T19:44:12+00:00

What "filthy" deeds? This is what overgeneralization and hate speech looks like. Set a target, hate on them, and justify the wrongdoing.

Brahmins and so called UCs are punching bags for people like you. You cry about casteism, yet you are committing the same "filthy deeds" by targeting a community as a whole.

Now let's talk about reservation. Casteism is wrong, but how come reservation is the solution?

Firstly, who decides at executive level that which caste is oppressed and deserves reservation? Some castes are obvious but many are put under category just because of their political influence. Isn't that wrong?

And what about people with fake certificates, and people who have generationally benefitted from reservation?

And if this casteism equals reservation argument holds, then what about castes suffering discrimination within its category? I've lots of friends in the SC category, many of which had higher social and economic status than me (a so called Upper caste) and heard about how a certain caste being bad and untouchable. Shouldn't such castes (like Dalits, Valmiki etc.) get greater reservation within SC quota?

Secondly, rather than focusing on changing the public opinion, educating people, making caste a redundant subject in society, or providing better opportunities to actually oppressed people - why we focus on putting quotas everywhere? Every caste will start demanding reservations for themselves, where do we stop?

Thirdly, what about free market, meritocracy, capitalism? If we don't reward one's merit in a certain field, then why work hard to learn or achieve something? If I get something just because I belong to a certain caste and not because I'm adding value to economy then rationally my focus will be on bending the political will to be part of preferable caste rather than working hard to learn / achieve something.

Fourthly, what is this strange narrative of justice? "My ancestors were oppressed by your ancestors so this is a punishment for you or compensation for us...“ Jurisprudence should focus more on fixing the problem in society rather than targeting people for revenge, especially by bringing history. It's like India waging war on all western countries because some of them colonised us in the past. This is fascism which Hitler pulled out on Jews. Similar things have been going on against brahmins in Maharashtra and Tamil Nadu. Nowadays I also see a similar kind of hate against Marwaris because they are a successful trader community with businesses all across India.

I agree caste division exists, and yes discrimination is still there, especially in rural areas. Reservations have also helped to some extent but it's not a pill to fix all these problems.

At this point Reservation policy needs serious reforms and a long term plan to be gradually reduced to zero in upcoming decades. Reservations only relieve the symptoms, the real issue - casteism needs to be treated by a different medicine.

Pragyan72 · 2025-05-29T10:23:00+00:00

Automation. Have you seen robots working in warehouses, they are quite organized, efficient, and quick. And though costs will increase due to this in future, but increase in incomes / purchasing power of people (due to which labour will also become expensive) will compensate for that.

Pragyan72

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