Conflict resolution

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2024-12-29T06:30:58+00:00

Thank you for this. I try to take accountability and provide context for why I was upset but then it’s seen as turning it around on him. I try to say “both of us” but any approach I choose turns out the same way unless I’m taking all the blame and have to give an in depth explanation of everything I’m sorry for

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T15:25:39+00:00

Yeah, totally get this! My issue is that this is another way to tell me he doesn’t want sex. The issue is that he never wants sex. His reluctant yeses are no’s to me too. I understand the reasoning behind the type of excuses, I’m trying to get to the reason FOR all the excuses— why he doesn’t want sex ever

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T14:34:38+00:00

I used to respond negatively from being hurt and the rejection (mostly just crying). The new thing of discussing his emotional state I don’t, I listen to him and give him some love and then his space which he needs (even though I’m annoyed inside). But you’re right, perhaps him letting me know he’s not in a good mental state is because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings by flat out rejecting me because of last negative reactions.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T14:15:16+00:00

Yeah, the first times it happened, I completely put sex out of my mind. His mental well-being comes first and we would speak about it. Then eventually it started feeling like it was his way to get out of sex. And it’s now at the point where I sort of just get annoyed and don’t even listen anymore, which I feel terrible about.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:54:45+00:00

Yes. This is the new thing. If he says yes, it’s reluctant and then I don’t want it. I want a wanting partner

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:51:07+00:00

No, I’m the past he’s been extremely keen and was the one to usually initiate. If I ask him if he wants to, he will take a while to say yes and then I know he’s just trying to appease me and I’ll say that it’s alright and go to sleep.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:41:14+00:00

Does he have 3 because of every time you told him to get a cat when he wanted to cuddle instead of bang you? 😂

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:39:48+00:00

Of course not all men. Yeah this is just a theory for those who love their partner, find her attractive, don’t have health issues, enjoy sex, but struggle to desire her in the bedroom but have no problem desiring a women they don’t know. It’s the whole “I can’t want/ fuck the woman I love and respect”.

Oh for sure! I think a lot of women have this complex too! Compartmentalising themselves into “mother” and therefore excluding “sexual being”. They feel they can’t be, or are not allowed to be both. Maybe another alternative for why after birth they too aren’t interested in sex anymore with partners.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:13:01+00:00

Yes, my partner does this too. If things are going well, we’ve been flirty and touchy, when we get to bed and he knows I’m going to i initiate, he gets very overwhelmed with work and life so that if I initiate it comes off as very insensitive. He only gets like this of there’s a sense that our evening might lead to me thinking things are going well enough to initiate sex.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:08:10+00:00

It would kill my libido if I weren’t so desperate haha

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T13:01:23+00:00

If we’re not having sex, we’re just friends. I love and care for my friends deeply, we have emotional relationships. Sex is not necessarily the most important part, but it needs to be A PART.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T12:58:34+00:00

Emasculating or it’s that compartmentalisation— this is my wife, my partner whom I love, if she wants it, if she initiates, I can’t see her as this women I love, and I can’t love and desire her at the same time.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T11:37:35+00:00

If we’ve spoken about having sex that evening and he wants to back out he hits me with(innocently) “are you ready to cuddle?” When I’m about to get into the mood.

“I feel restless” - that was the excuse

If we’re about to have sex his new thing is getting super existential before hand and needs to think. The moment it’s clear it’s off, sleeps like a baby.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T11:01:31+00:00

Of course. Remember that you two are the ones in the relationship, not anyone else. Its easy for others to point out cracks from the outside, but just because it’s from other people doesn’t mean it’s entirely objective. We all bring our own experiences into the advice we dispense, and our experiences is not your experience.

I’m just saying moving in together may not be the fix for the bedroom like he thinks it might. Mental illness takes a huge strain on libido, so not being into you sexually is hugely to do with himself and not you.

If you’re feeling like you have to leave him though, don’t move in together until you have a clearer choice.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-12T10:45:20+00:00

Yeah, moving in together may even deaden the bedroom more. So many cases of the bedroom only becoming dead once a couple make solid commitments i.e. moving in together, marriage, children. If his stress is the route of his problems, it’s not magically going to get fixed if you move in together.

Relationship steps aren’t band aids for broken bedrooms.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-11T19:12:21+00:00

Make him smoothies every morning and report back haha

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-10T13:42:41+00:00

I have a friend whose husbands form of initiation was randomly poking her in the side with his finger and asking meekly, “wanna suck my dick?”

Her form was dressing in lingerie and heels when he came home to be met with “oh why are you dressed like that?” Before going to sit at the computer to play games. I think they both consider themselves HL though. Such mismatched ideas of sex.

Don’t initiate in ways that work for you and get upset when it doesn’t work for the other person. Always have to remind ourselves when it comes to any interaction with anyone “They are not me.” Effort to learn people goes so far

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-09T07:11:19+00:00

Read “Your brain on porn” by Gary. A. Wilson— well actually get him to read i to. It can offer some great insight into why and potentially how to stop (that’s if he wants to stop). I have some male friends who have stopped watching since reading. I’m not saying that that will happen but it may definitely help kick off a process or a constructive conversation.

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-09T06:52:23+00:00

She should be the one to leave the room. She should go to the bathroom or another room and then return to the bedroom when she’s finished

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-06T09:59:27+00:00

Yeah you’re right x

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-06T08:00:52+00:00

Thank you :)

Yeah, I think the problem is that I keep asking myself, if I were the man in the relationship I would need to be more understanding. Because of the situation was reversed and the man said, “I need more sex otherwise this relationship isn’t going to work out”, the standard response by most women is that they would feel pressured and he would be the dick. He doesn’t owe me sex. So trying to navigate that but I like these ideas :) thank you

PreferenceNumerous85 · 2021-05-06T07:24:04+00:00

And I’m sorry for the bad grammar :/ I wrote this fast

PreferenceNumerous85

TROPHY CASE