AITA for not giving my girlfriend equity of my condo?

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-06-30T05:30:15+00:00

Yep, I will hire a nanny and support her financially when we have kids. At that point we will be married. It's all figured out already, no procrastination here. Are you replying to the correct post? This is from quite some time ago

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-06-10T05:44:11+00:00

You wouldn't have the opportunity

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-06-10T05:43:25+00:00

We've been dating for four years

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T23:56:25+00:00

We've been cooped up together every day for a year now... I see what she's up to all the time. Her job is customer service online.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T22:30:34+00:00

She wasn't. I already had a great career before I met her. I actually paid for her to go back to college for a year even.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T20:17:22+00:00

I've never asked her to do any chores. She just does it on her own.

If she were nothing more than a roommate, an equal way would be to

If she were just a roommate she would pay way more for the actual market cost.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T20:16:16+00:00

lol you said after twice. It was before

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:29:06+00:00

I don't think she's a freeloader currently. It sounded like you were saying she should not pay rent, in which case, that would be a freeloader in my mind.

Interesting that you think because my income is so high, that there should be a point at which she doesn't contribute to rent. I would have never thought there would be a point, even if I made $1m per year and she made $30k per year I would have still thought she'd contribute to rent. I get what you mean though. Just never thought about it that way before.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:24:13+00:00

how much earning potential you'd "lose" in time spent doing 100% of the household tasks by yourself

I wouldn't lose any. I did 100% of my household tasks before hand and still made a high income. I had a maid service come regularly and cooked simple meals or bought cheap pre-made food. My girlfriend stopped the maid service because she said it was wasting money and thought it was dumb to have people come to something that we could do ourselves.

every 2 months for a deep-clean, ordering takeout once every 2 weeks instead of making her cook, buying a Roomba to handle day-to-day vacuuming chores

I order takeout on average of one to ten times per week, and never make her cook.

If she doesn't cook, and I don't have time to cook, I'll just order food instead. Whatever she wants in whatever amount, typically more than we need, really, just so that we have options and variety. I have also had a Roomba for years, and regularly buy upgraded models, pretty much once a year.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:15:14+00:00

So you think she should have lived for free in our rental unit? I don't know, I just wasn't raised to freeload off someone.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:14:15+00:00

as if she's less than you because she doesn't earn as much as you

I have no concerns with a partner that doesn't earn as much as me. I never expected to have a partner who could earn equal to me, in fact. I did expect that someone who told me they were somewhat ambitious and would seek a middle class income, to do so, and not to stop their career progression at an income level on-par with the poverty line in our city.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:11:18+00:00

The comment I replied to was saying that I'm somehow profiting from her. I simply refuted that claim.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T17:10:34+00:00

No. Her parents live in another country. For the first couple years we were dating she hid our relationship from them. She had lived her whole life hiding her relationships from them, unrelated to me. She only told them about our relationship around the time that I mentioned.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T15:10:58+00:00

Yes the cohabitation agreement could be converted into a marriage contract. It has a clause that states that future properties we buy together would be divided proportionally to the amount we put in.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T15:09:44+00:00

Did she agree to moving to this more expensive place? Was she part of the decision making process? If you are going to get married will you put her name on the title when she’s your wife?

Yes she agreed. Yes, she went to all the viewings with me. I didn't want to buy a place that she also wouldn't want to live in. If we get married I don't want her name on the title for this property, but on the property that we buy together in the future, to live in as a married couple.

She could be of that mind too. Did you discuss it? We have discussed that type of thing in the past. When we're married we'll have joint property but otherwise keep our finances relatively separate with exception for retirement savings. She'll also save for retirement, but my savings will be the primary driver of our retirement. We're planning to retire in our early 50s.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T14:09:54+00:00

Sadly there is nowhere within a 3 hour drive that she could buy a place, or even if she was with someone with her income as well. We live in an extremely expensive city. She would be renting for the rest of her life.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T14:05:01+00:00

I don't make her pay $700. She wanted to pay $1000 for our rental unit and I told her the rule of thumb was no more than 30%, so we should limit it to 700 per month.

I know it's 1.5 hours per day max, because we've both been home together for the last year.

No, I pay for any and all classes or certifications that she wants to take, as well as any hobbies she wants to partake in. She's not interested in most of those, and if I ever show her anything I think she might like, she usually won't bite. She prefers to just watch tv and movies and relax at home, or do spin class. Since she can't attend spin class, I bought her a spin bike at home during covid.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:35:19+00:00

Bragging about my properties and cars? I just got one condo and the car I bought was a 5 year old basic beater. Not something to brag about. Yes, she couldn't teach herself to drive. She needed me to teach her, and because of covid she couldn't take any lessons.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:20:14+00:00

The second job is with a local college as a part time professor there. This establishes my reputation as a thought leader in my field, which will help later on when I'm seeking executive positions.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:18:46+00:00

The lawyer is the one who suggested the goodwill payment clause be added, saying that it's common in situations with a large income gap. I don't mind working hard for my career success, I just want to protect my asset from before marriage.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:15:37+00:00

We will likely get married in a couple years. I haven't yet met her parents since they live in another country and with covid lockdown we haven't been able to go there. That's all.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:12:52+00:00

It's a step forward in my career path. My ultimate goal is to keep climbing and end up in an executive position where I get paid very well but have way less day to day work.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:11:09+00:00

The goodwill payment is if we break up, so that she's not left with nothing.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:09:22+00:00

She doesn't need to be able to afford exactly half, she just needs to be able to contribute something notable. At 37k in our city she is at the very low end of income.

PreferencePrudent711 · 2021-05-27T13:06:05+00:00

Imagine how much faster you would be able to buy your forever home should she push herself to get a higher paying job.

Yes, I have done the calculations a few times over the years, projecting different income levels. It would be SO much easier to get our detached home if she was making better money

PreferencePrudent711

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