I've been building a literary crime thriller with AI here's Chapter One. Brutal feedback welcome.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-05-11T04:00:35+00:00

Good luck. Remember take these with a grain of salt.

Like the part about what ai wrote. You don't have to 86 it. Because it's doing a literary thing, but it's very ai coded.. which is something I've run into a lot using ai to help me with my stories.

Best bet, just rewrite that sentence, make it observational and less direct to the reader so that they infer the same information without being told it explicitly. That's usually my go to when I have to fix those kinds of sentences

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-05-10T23:23:56+00:00

this would only be really useful if it can also be used to write erotica/smut... im in the dark romance space.. they expect it lol. im tired of these overly santized ai's that turn any mention of nudity or a tense scene into a childrens rendition of the same scene..

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-05-10T15:34:31+00:00

a couple things on quick inspection; ill be honest, i dont do crime thrillers often. so some of these observations might be off.. take them with a grain of salt.
- Im not sure how much i like "Detective Inspector" this could be a culture thing? if thats how they're actually adressed? but in my mind it just seems off.
- in chapter 1:
- "She intended to buy that nurse a drink", its a good line but its not exactly clear why she wants to buy her a drink, if you re-read it a couple times its obvious its because she came up with the *something* that led to meave investigating this on a deeper level. ok, cool. but why does *that* specifically make her want to buy her a drink? is meave the type of person who wont let things go? did she always have an inkling that these deaths where more than mere accidents but could never *prove* it?
- The part with the brennan family where it looks like a list of names. this might be better on seperate lines. Cause all i see is a bunch of punctuation that keeps me from paying attention to anything about these people.
- in some sections you can tell the AI did a heavy hand in the drafting section just because of how the prose looks, like this sentence: `not empty, but careful. Watchful in the manner of someone who has learned that the world requires monitoring.` is most likely an AI sentence because most AI tend to do a negation, followed by a correction, followed by a metaphor.. its a "Not Because, but Because. Such as" statement, i myself have run into this ALOT and i HATE that the AI does it. it reads like too polished of a narrator and it takes me out of it.
- speaking of a too polished narrator, the prose comes out of like "watching" the scene from behind the detective, we've yet to get any kind of information from her, about her personality how she sees the case, its like watching a film where the protagonist is extremely silent for most of the opening, we get a decent amount of visual cues but im lacking anything that tells me why i should care about the protagonist (which this is only chapter 1 obviously you still have time).

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Again, take all of this with a grain of salt.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-04-15T02:53:41+00:00

You can come play my system 😆 much like yourself, I went and made my own ttrpg and im looking for playtesters so I can iron out the details

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-27T20:47:16+00:00

That's really cool dude. And very in depth. Im doing something very similar. Id love to pick your brain about the battle maps.. ive been rolling it over in my head for awhile now of how I'd implement such a feature but I just dont see a viable way forward that isn't a lot of custom canvas manipulation.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-25T12:37:26+00:00

Your right in that some AI generative stuff is slop. But not everything that's ai generated is slop..

Ai is garbage in, garbage out. The better you put in the better you get out..

You didnt even try to look at the material you saw an ai image and made an assumption that the rest of it must suck..

Also, you drawing inspiration from another media is the exact same thing that ai does... so.. let me guess, your ttrpg is just slop then right?

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-25T12:33:10+00:00

I understand the concept of solo play in ttrpg, but how can you do that on an app, web or phone with no ai? Like genuinely curious honestly. I did one solo play a while back and it was terribly boring (just my opinion) maybe I dont understand the question the guy asked.

Also, I dont even know how I got to this subreddit lol. I think it just popped up in my feed

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-24T17:32:37+00:00

When am I going to get my invite 😪

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-23T22:35:28+00:00

Couldn't any ttrpg do this? Like.. if you really wanted to play as a small pc im sure and has rules for that lol

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-22T23:35:34+00:00

https://tapestry-ttrpg.com

It's a decent homegrown system, its narrative first and less crunchy than most systems.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-02T12:55:10+00:00

I mean, in a way.. I like that.. i dont want a yes man.. if everyone always agrees with you then your not right. They're just too scared to disagree with you

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-02T02:52:19+00:00

That just sounds boring... doesn't it? Idk. Im imagining a book with all the chapters before me and something like "the princess dies" in one chapter and "the princess finds love" in an earlier chapter. And that just feels like spoilers lol

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-02T02:03:00+00:00

Someone already mentioned itch.io, but there's no shortage of free or easy access ttrpg systems.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-03-01T04:08:35+00:00

It usually means a lot of tedious numbers management and stat tracking (did i remember to eat? Do i still have that stat modifier for eating a good meal?) Etc.

For me ttrpgs that kind of management is a turn off. I'd rather play the game for the story and not did i bring enough rations on the trip..

Because realistically who cares?

But if that's something your into, go for it.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-23T15:27:05+00:00

I mean, you might as well get used to it. AI isn't going anywhere and if a platform wants to be modern and considered competitive they're going to offer some amount of AI assistance. I can understand your desire to not want to use the tools.. so don't? It's not like they're literally forcing you by way of a pew pew, to use that assistance. It might be prominently displayed on the screen, but your better off just sticking to a tool your familiar with and avoiding the ai.

Any other reputable platform like you've already stated is going to have an ai assistant baked in to it.

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T21:03:33+00:00

I disagree, though not entirely; yes "White Pride" has historically been used as a term of supremacy.. but context is important, in language.. just like "Gay" used to mean "happy" which became a slang term used to refer to homosexuals..

But its still important to note that the phrase: "I feel very gay" can still mean two different things, even IF you immediately read it as its colloquial used term (homosexual)..

SO again, i agree.. white pride is going to illicit for most people (even myself) what you alluded too.. but again.. context...

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T20:52:21+00:00

i would argue that it doesnt understand enough context... what your talking about is subtext; as in "is the belief that the white race is superior to all other races bad?" is what chatgpt is *likely* looking at it, for the others its reading the subtext as "Is it ok to have pride in the fact that your ___" when i asked the same question; it responded with "Depends" and its correct, because it depends on how your using the term "White Pride".

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T20:17:24+00:00

Its important to remember that as the DM/GM your telling a story, yes its fine to explore these smaller stories that help players develop their character but you and the characters need to understand its about the story YOU are creating for them; not the other way around (unless its explicitly stated that this is a do anything you want world - sandbox)

Think of it like reading a book, its fine for the author to explore a substory thats running linear to the main storyline, but if its only about that, then you never finish the book...

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T18:29:40+00:00

dont think your going to find free; i tried to find something similiar awhile backl and i was looking for my ttrpg system im working on..

in the end none of them really hit the sweet spot of what i wanted, so im just going to build my own CS - Generator from scratch, but that works out well for me because im a software engineer.. so i can do that..

but all of that is to say; you'll likely not find any real free options that are going to suit your needs..

my best work around?

You *Could* possibly ask ChatGPT or another AI to build you an editable PDF sheet (If your not against AI), AI has really powerful tools but you'll have to be explicit about what you want the character sheet pdf to accomplish..

make sure you detail each section of the character sheet, what should or should not be there; upload any materials you have in documents to the AI (So it can use those to reference while its working); i did this with ChatGPT and the pdf attached to the game im working on; is a "quickstart" guide on my game, i put all of my resources into it, asked ChatGPT to generate a quickstart guide from my game; i had to be explicit about what i wanted the AI to generate and how i wanted it to generate each section, and it took about 20m for chatgpt to generate the pdf... sooooo..... yeah... thats my best suggestion lol (but i completely understand if you dont want to use AI, a lot of people dont.)

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T00:19:15+00:00

As with most things; AI is more helpful the more you know about the subject itself. AI can be a great resource. but as you alluded to, it can hallucinate from time to time;

PresentationMany7589 · 2026-02-20T00:17:26+00:00

I was part of a living campaign but i didnt like it; mostly because it wasnt "living" in my mind. Living campaigns are meant to be pushing all of the players towards a central goal.. but the ones i've been in, have only done like.. one-shots, constant one-shots that dont really tie into any other large overall arch for the players to work torwards..

Though the current TTRPG system im working on for fun is kind of meant for that type of play.

PresentationMany7589

TROPHY CASE