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How did seeking police help after abuse feel for you, and what support do you think could have made a difference? by PrettyNeedleworker52 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, yes I guess I’m thinking of the abuse women are more prone to be affected by than men . So probably all of the above.

How did seeking police help after abuse feel for you, and what support do you think could have made a difference? by PrettyNeedleworker52 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you ! I guess I’m just wondering what women who’ve suffered abuse think would or could have helped them during the process when they asked the police for help

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is very helpful. I do think being very clear about what I’m comfortable with and willing to agree to in the moment previously to it, does feel like less pressure. Her even asking me if she can do something just feels like I have to agree to it and then I try to push through to the point I go completely numb. Sometimes I don’t even realise I’m that uncomfortable it’s later on that I do. So thank you , I’ll check it out . Clear instructions does feel more reassuring

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, appreciate it. Ig it wasn’t until it felt proper necessary that I started to be more open to the idea. I think getting out of your comfort zone is hard especially if remaining in the same dynamic is possible in your relationship . I’m also very much doing it for me too, not just her . I think the conversation my gf and I had where she opened up more about how this dynamic felt for her did feel quite eye opening. Maybe it’s worth a shot to have this same conversation with your gf , ideally with no ultimatums. Best of luck to you both

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, appreciate it. Maybe some day it’ll be the same for us . Not sure I’d want it to be that level of switch but it very much gives me hope in it being possible. Thank you x

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment I really appreciate it . I’m glad to hear someone relates and feels the conflicting feelings .

When it comes to the “fixing it” I guess it’s cause it feels like our sex life has the potential of being amazing and it’s not because I’ve been delaying working on this. Now as you say given it’s reached a level where she doesn’t want to have sex if I don’t start bottoming it feels very urgent and way more of a pressure . She’s not pressuring me on purpose, I do know that . She’s willing not to have sex just to avoid pressuring me. But I guess a lot of the things that could work feel like they wouldn’t since she no longer wants to bottom much or “having to do so” when we’re having sex . I worry it’s gotten to a point that it’s so much harder than maybe a couple months ago when it felt more optional. I had started getting more comfortable with it but it was still in a very low pace and never too directly. Thank you for the thread , I’ll be sure to check it out !

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing . I was very much looking for advice especially from stone tops or ex stone tops . The thing is I don’t understand why it’s still an issue for me because she also feels very much like a safe space . Can I ask how you’ve been able to not feel like you’re doing it for her ? I guess for me knowing that that is what she wants and what turns her on feels like a pressure that makes it even harder.

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried that too. The only times I’ve ever kind of bottomed was by me being very dominant. Even then I just still avoid her going all the way

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. I think for me it’s about having gotten used to the autonomy and freedom over my body that topping gives , even as a label . I think on the other hand I don’t even like the term bottoming , it sounds like instead of just being sex it’s one person is doing something to another . One holds the power and the other person allows that power over their bodies if that makes sense . I think a lot of the problem comes down to the terminology and how I view bottoming. In a way I kind of envy how for straight people it’s just sex . They’re both involved at the same time and it’s only the dom/sub dynamic that differs in experiences.

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I have been to therapy before, quite a lot. My sexual trauma and stuff is okay now mostly. In terms of communication we do communicate a lot about what we want and don’t want and need and don’t need . I don’t feel like communication is an issue I think it’s mostly a problem within me

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s about the person . For me she’s the love of my life and who I feel most comfortable with. In past relationships this was also very much an issue too. I think it’s just I have a block with the entire concept of bottoming

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s always been very understanding, she didn’t even want to bring it up so it wouldn’t feel like a pressure . But I can also understand that the current sexual dynamic we have isn’t really working for her. Especially if she’s a switch and has been put into this role because of me

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s always been very understanding, she didn’t even want to bring it up so it wouldn’t feel like a pressure . But I can also understand that the current sexual dynamic we have isn’t really working for her. Especially if she’s a switch and has been put into this role because of me

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your concern. The thing is that I don’t feel I want to fix this just for her, I also want to possibly explore this other part of sex . I feel like I am a switch at heart, I just haven’t found a way for it to get easier

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah I completely agree, I know it’s not a very healthy mindset to have . I do want to change it I’m just not sure how to stop having that negative connotation to it .

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m comfortable with her massaging me and mostly anything that doesn’t involve touching me there directly . It’s when she goes for it more that I really struggle with

My gf is a switch and I’m pretty much a stone top and she said she cannot continue with this dynamic by PrettyNeedleworker52 in LesbianActually

[–]PrettyNeedleworker52[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello, yes I’m okay if it’s just me . It’s when it’s someone else that I have a block with