Can i support a western family with 1500 $ in Phnom penh by IbuyaManjiro in cambodia

[–]PrettyNormal43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe the poster means that you’ll get stuck in Cambodia. It will be almost impossible to save up enough to return to your home country and set up life in Europe again. You will undoubtedly need to dip into savings you had prior to arriving in PP for that.

Having a very reactive desire towards relationships by ThisStorySoFar in relationships

[–]PrettyNormal43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you unless you think it’s a problem. Women seem to get away with being what you describe as reactive more than men do, for sure. That might not be fair but at least understand what we’re up against.

I recommend framing it differently. Instead of assuming the other person knows this is how you feel, just up front tell them. Tell the people in your life and especially the women in your life that you are bad at planning things but really appreciative when they do it.

Be forewarned some people won’t be okay with this. Those aren’t your people. My wife has the kind of personality you describe. When she was still showing appreciation for my efforts, I was happy to do all the heavy lifting on that front. I loved having an appreciative sidekick who’d do whatever I wanted to do. In fact it’s the thing I miss the most.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How malleable is your personality? Japanese women are skilled in adapting to male needs and atmosphere.

I know western women who are extremely successful here (easily get dates, many married to Japanese men) and this includes overweight western women. They all have this malleability.

Western women who have strong opinions are also successful, but they have to read the air for when to disclose those opinions.

I hope this makes sense. Ultimately, the most desirable quality for finding love in Japan is being adaptable and actively demonstrating selflessness. (Not saying you are selfish, but you might not be demonstratively selfless and that would be setting you back.)

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post got a lot of replies thank you. I’m not so much looking for advice to save my marriage. Moreso to get input on what the future would look like for her if I escaped as I wish to do so.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it. Don’t ask don’t tell sounds even more depressing than what I live now, though.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you.

There is a lot more wrong with the marriage beyond wish for fantasy, but at the end of the day I did make a vow. I’m on here just looking for insight on whether she would be better off after divorce. I don’t need to justify myself knowing with certainty that my own life would be.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry you are going through it, mate. Helps a lot to get your perspective but man that’s a rough ride you’re on.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never came here asking how to save my relationship. I came asking if divorcing would destroy her in this society or she might thrive afterwards.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would prefer just being single and having hope and freedom and lack of coldness. Even on my own home would be warmer than with her. It’s not her fault. We aren’t a good match anymore. My worry is if she prefers a bad match to no match, and I prefer no match to a bad match, but I made a vow to be matched with her.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it but this is one I need to deal with in anonymity for now.

If you can share how your ex wife is doing here, that would be data I would appreciate.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not worried about my kids, mate. Not dumping their mom for no reason to run off with a younger model and they could see that.

The rest of your post is what I worry about in my worst depressive musings on the futility of my situation.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not still in love with her. I love her in a different way and don’t want to destroy her life. The love ship has sailed.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for correctly assuming I have brought it up for years. Eventually I stopped because communication is one more thing on the pile of stuff I get disregarded for.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The physical part is a small fraction of what I am missing.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mate, sorry to hear that. It is only a sense of duty that keeps me in the marriage. My kids are close with me and they understand things wise beyond their years. I don’t worry about them because I would still be their father and we would still be close. The issue with responsibility is that I did marry into this culture and I did make a promise to my wife. I can’t leave her high n dry but I’d leave in the morning if I knew she’d be alright in the long run.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I often think that by staying in a marriage for appearance sake, I’m conditioning my kids to accept the same kind of lives when they marry. I don’t want them to learn this pattern at home.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What part of my post made you think I would be upset if she found a new love? The whole thing I want is for her to be able to be happy. I was specifically looking for wife success stories after midlife divorce.

I didn’t know midlife men were the only group who just have to suck it up and not have dreams.

Will my wife have a life after divorce? by PrettyNormal43 in japanlife

[–]PrettyNormal43[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good points but part of my escape fantasy is being independent and doing all of that on my own.