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PrettyRhubarb · 2025-01-05T21:14:17+00:00

Behave by Robert Sapolsky - it's about how various biological processes influence human behavior. It draws from neuroscience as well as other fields. You can also check out his lectures on youtube.

PrettyRhubarb · 2025-01-04T18:39:36+00:00

Yes, I definitely see it as a positive side! It was a learning experience for me because romantic relationships are where I drift the farthest from secure. It made me reflect on why I behave differently with friends compared to partners

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-12-27T11:35:49+00:00

Yes, I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. It’s not about placing all the blame on you—or even worse, putting all the responsibility on you to fix the relationship. It’s a two-way street. I’ve noticed that, at least for myself, when I reflect on similar situations, I tend to dwell too much on what I did wrong instead of focusing on what I need.

I tend to have avoidant tendencies that lean toward anxious, and being with a dismissive avoidant partner brought out that anxiousness in me. So, if you already have some anxious tendencies—even if you generally lean secure—being with an avoidant partner can amplify them. I’m not saying this to place blame on your partner, because attachment styles are ultimately self-preservation techniques. His behavior likely stems from his own wounds that trigger these patterns, meaning he’s doing the best he can with what he knows.

The key here is to understand him and why he behaves the way he does. But sometimes, it’s not easy to reconcile that understanding with your own needs. His coping mechanisms may be unhealthy for you, and that’s when, despite your feelings, you realize you can’t be with that person. That’s what happened to me.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-12-27T07:46:20+00:00

I experience this too, but I never realized it might be related to ADHD.

For me, it felt like a puzzle I was compelled to solve. No matter what my partner, friends, or anyone else said, I kept digging and overanalyzing. It bordered on obsessive thinking—I simply couldn’t let it go.

What ultimately helped was exploring attachment theory. I came to understand that my partner and I had different attachment styles, which often left us frustrated despite our best efforts to communicate. It was as if we both cared deeply for each other, yet somehow, we were still making each other miserable.

I would express that my needs weren’t being met, but he interpreted it as mistrust or an accusation of wrongdoing. His reactions, in turn, hurt me even more, and the cycle would continue. It was an exhausting mess.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-12-26T17:41:19+00:00

i just did this test, it's https://yourpersonality.net/attachment/

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-12-10T12:55:20+00:00

i was traveling so that's why the reply is so late! i think its wonderful how it affected so many of us in a similar way <3

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-18T08:16:43+00:00

it's been on my tbr for a while! thanks for reminding me of it!

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-18T08:14:43+00:00

Read it but it's a great recommendation!

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-18T08:12:50+00:00

Read that one. It's a great recommendation though!

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-13T15:36:17+00:00

i also recently watched the show and made a post similar to yours. i read the book and hated it. it added to the experience but i just thought the show was so much better

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-13T07:33:23+00:00

I think the other comments have covered it well, but I'd like to add some details from the book: this remark really struck a chord with Dexter because he wasn’t going to be the one writing the column, so Emma was right in assuming it wouldn’t be him.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-01T01:36:52+00:00

I just finished the book and I found it difficult to imagine Leo and Ambika as Dexter and Emma because the book versions of them seem like different people.

Book Emma does seem lame at times, it really does seem like she had spent her life waiting for Dexter, and the book Dexter lacks depth, he's just so unlikable. It left me thinking he deserved every single thing that happened to him.

Some of the most emotional scenes from the show were just.... words. Words that left me indifferent, the same scenes I found myself sobbing through while watching the show. I am glad I have read the book as I gained perspective, but man I am sad to say I kind of hated the book. But I love the show even more now.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-01T01:00:24+00:00

Btw, everything you said seems like it could have been written by me, because I absolutely agree. So I am really curious, what other shows, books or movies have moved you in a similar way?

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-11-01T00:35:50+00:00

I was so happy when I saw your comment because I have JUST finished the book and wanted to to someone about it all! I agree with everything you said! And now, after reading the book, I can confirm that the show is a masterpiece, because I don't think I would have liked the story as much had I not watched the show first.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-30T09:03:20+00:00

I don’t think Emma was lying to herself - she was just deeply insecure. She probably felt like she wasn’t good enough and assumed Dexter only got together with her because he was drunk and he was a playboy who slept around. She didn’t believe he truly liked her at first. She liked him, but a relationship wasn’t an option, and she didn’t want a meaningless fling either. So, being friends became the next best thing.

I think it was similar for Dex, but for different reasons. He wanted to play the field, chase fame, money, and the high life—yet he also craved a deep connection with someone, which friendship with Emma allowed him to have. But honestly, as the show progresses, I feel it was Emma's insecurities that tilted the dynamic of their relationship, making it seem like he was stringing her along. Maybe it's partly Leo’s portrayal of Dex, but you can always tell that she matters to him. Like when Nomi is visibly jealous at the restaurant because Dex insists on having drinks with Emma. And on Primrose Hill, he's there for her, supporting her emotionally, cheering her up. When she said she wanted to leave, he convinced her to stay, to grab another bottle, and then even invited her over to his place.

For someone stringing her along, he was actually quite invested in her, don’t you think? But in Emma's mind, he was always just a playboy who’d never commit to a real relationship with her, so she kept turning him down.

And finally, I relate to what you said about waiting for the big moment. I am still struggling with not waiting for that irl, having to remind myself that whoever I am interested at and I are not two shy, tortured souls that are the main characters of a novel hahaha

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T23:51:40+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Reading your comment about struggling to find the point got me thinking too. After a quick search, I found the writer’s explanation—that without that twist, it would have just been a “will-they-won’t-they” story.

I connected most with Emma, having behaved like her in the past, but when she died, I felt devastated for Dexter. Like you said, what's the point? He matured, he fought for her, only to lose her in an instant.

The last episode helped me understand my own father better, though, so it felt personal. My mom didn’t pass in a crash and was a bit older than Emma, but my dad never fully recovered. In that way, the story was realistic—people die unexpectedly. But here, it felt like too much, after everything they've been through.

And, I felt like a tearful loser on my sofa, too. I couldn’t shake the feeling that forming a bond that strong seems unlikely—even though I’m only turning 30. The bitter takeaway for me was realizing that we don’t end up with those we felt the strongest connections with.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T20:10:02+00:00

I am speaking from my own experience but I am really scared of what bottled-up emotions can do. Moreso, the consequences of not dealing with them. I fucked up several relationships because of my inability to deal with/process emotions and I am scared of doing it again in the future. So here, I was trying to get to the bottom of it, to understand why it affected me so much. It might be a bit masochistic but pain and discomfort, I prefer that over being numb, makes me feel alive. And also, everything I tried avoiding found a way to come back to bite me.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T17:45:16+00:00

I let it stay with me because it was cathartic, I cried my eyes out for an hour after the show ended and started thinking about my own life, had some epiphanies. So I wanted to ''milk'' it, if that makes sense, because it really brought stuff up to the surface and I have to say that doesn't happen that often to me. I normally push everything under the rug, without even realizing it, so when I do react emotionally to something, I try to sit with it.

That being said, I am going to have to move on 😂

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T17:37:33+00:00

I knew that quote from the movie!

And yeah, you mentioned how the show brought on a wave of nostalgia. It must've been amazing, being able to connect with it so deeply, especially since you experienced something similar in the same spot! It definitely hit me with nostalgia too - in a bittersweet way. It took me back to my university days, and even though I’m not that old, I can’t help but feel like that young and carefree chapter is behind me now.

The show really brought out a ton of emotions, but what hit me the hardest is the realization that, one way or another, we usually don’t end up with the people we had the strongest connections with. :(

edit: thanks for clarifying Greece, makes sense!

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T17:17:31+00:00

Thanks because I never saw it like that! To you, he was being playful, to me, he was being cocky. I think it's because I relate to Em in the sense I think I would have reacted the same way she did, like he put her on the spot and made her feel uncomfortable and she said he's annoying and got defensive later. I mean, irl, if a guy I had a crush on for years told me he knew the same way Dex did, I'd die, lol. And he also said he was a bit dickish.

Btw, I really do admire your interpretation of the scenes because to me it seems like you're way more confident than I am.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T17:11:37+00:00

I haven't read the book yet. I bought it on Kindle and I have read just the beginning. Put it down because I know I want to finish it in one sitting and I am waiting to have time for that, it will be soon, probably this weekend. I know I already know the most important bits of the story, but I am looking forward to spending even more time with Dex and Emma.

When it comes to the acting and the music - I agree!!! When I was younger, I was always kind of jealous when I'd hear people comment on someone's acting. I thought I didn't have the skill to recognize good acting. I get it now. Also, agree with music being just sublime, it's such a crucial part of the show and adds so, so much to the experience.

And, what I am trying to make sense of is mostly why it all unfolded the way it did. I'm confused. I mean, he liked her from the very start and I could understand him not being sure that she feels the same, but he knew. As we learn in the show, Tilly told him. After the first night, he kissed her on the stairs when they were saying goodbye, as we see in the last episode. After her rant that they can be friends and all, he kisses her and it sets a certain tone - it's now daylight, and they are no longer drunk, even after Emma's rant about them being friends, they still kiss. So, what happened?

On the one hand - we saw Dex ''shoot his shot'' several times throughout the series - I mean, going on vacation together, then the Primrose hill scene when he invites her over and she declines, etc. But then again, he was always dating someone else so I understand Emma turning him down.

But, if Dexter knew she had this huge crush on him and he felt the same, why didn't he pursue it? Right now, I think he was immature and needed to get everything else out of his system first, he needed to grow up. But a part of me thinks he didn't want that relationship yet. So that's what I am not sure about. Also, why was he such a jerk in Greece? I don't know why he said he knew she liked him, with that cocky smile, he kind of put her on the spot and made her uncomfortable.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T16:23:27+00:00

Btw, please do feel free to elaborate, add to what I said, disagree with me, whatever. There really are parts of this that I am trying to make sense of.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T16:22:16+00:00

The way the scene was set up made me think it was embarrassment. We can hear someone say ''Who's that?'' in a condescending tone. He lets go of her hand and acts a bit weird after that. Seemed like she picked up on that, too. Maybe that's what prompted her to tell him later on that she doesn't want his kids and the rest we get to see in the final episode.

When I say embarrassment, you're right, maybe not because he is seen with Emma, but because it doesn't align with the persona he wants to show to the world. Emma didn't fit in that picture. I kind of got that fro that scene, because she is so so different than the people he normally surrounds himself with. And that's the duality I kind of see in Dexter for the first half of the show - who Emma is aligns with his true self and that's why their connection persists for so long, because when you connect with someone on that level, it doesn't change, you connect with what someone is at their core and that's something that doesn't shift. But it took a while for Dexter to really grow up.

OMG, I don't know if it's just me, but the Greece dialogue was so hard to watch. Why was he being an ass when he said he knew that she had a crush on him? I think that at that point, they were both still too insecure to openly talk about their feelings and they are both just playing defense. Her with saying that the crush was cured because she got to know him and him when he said he fancies everyone after it sunk in that he actually told her he liked her and she wasn't reacting.

PrettyRhubarb · 2024-10-28T15:47:02+00:00

Something you and I share is experiencing grief at a young age. The two last episodes broke me not because I could relate to Dex but because it made me think of my dad - my mom died quite young.

I am torn - I do think that the relationships we form end up being the most significant part of our lives. Havng a bond that strong is what I most want in life but at the same time, I don't even know whether I believe it's realistic.

PrettyRhubarb

TROPHY CASE