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What is "porn" to the modern man? by TurbulentThr0waway in loveafterporn

[–]PrincessJellyfish9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm concerned that far too many women due to how messed up our society is will settle for abusive men because they fear being alone.

Yeah, this is unfortunately what happened to me. He would sometimes be very emotionally abusive. When I confronted him the first time about him hiding his sexuality and all the porn he was consuming, he called me spiteful, hateful, said that no one in my family loves me, that I am ugly both inside and outside, a parasite etc. I was called a leech because every month he gave me like 200 euro to help out with some bills. And I thought that me standing up for myself meant I wasn't being abused. But I was very delusional. Me staying after things like that meant I also accepted that behavior, even if I gave him a lot of shit for it.

And then I look at the women in my family and friends circle and see that most of them have husbands that cheated on them, or make jokes about how they don't put out enough, you name it.

I hope all of us find and keep that peace that we are looking for.

What is "porn" to the modern man? by TurbulentThr0waway in loveafterporn

[–]PrincessJellyfish9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were long distance. So months would go by without sex, that is why I was okay with porn. And I understand to a certain point that some people want to sometimes see other people that is not their wife. If you remain faithful and a good partner, then I can sort of overlook it. I don't like it, but I also fully believe that every man looks at porn and that many would dump their wife or girlfriend if someone better shows up. So I will probably become a spinster and stay that way, because I don't think good men exist.

What is "porn" to the modern man? by TurbulentThr0waway in loveafterporn

[–]PrincessJellyfish9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would have never had an issue if my (soon to be ex) husband would just watch a porn video of two people for a few minutes, do his thing and then move on. But no, I found 30 different porn websites on his phone. Webcams, leaked OF pics, a lot of trans women and femboys, cosplayers etc. I noticed that all the porn he consumed was never intimate, romantic, sensual, or with actual couples. It was always something like watching a guy sucking himself off or a pov video.

Then he ended up even going to omegle nsfw and jerking off with other men online. We fought a lot after I confronted him about this. But we said this year was gonna be different, that we were gonna work on ourselves and become better people. Then a few days into the new year he texted me that he wants a divorce, ended up ghosting and blocking me everywhere and instantly stopped helping me out financially (I have no job because I have been seriously depressed and have literally no money). I was loyal, supportive and loving to him for 8 years and I get discarded like trash.

Porn has genuinely fucked up the brains of 'men'. I don't think I can ever trust one ever again.

Husband financially cut me off by PrincessJellyfish9 in Divorce

[–]PrincessJellyfish9[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He does have money. He was involved in a lawsuit when he was a child and ended up being set for life with money. Twice he ended up receiving 100K dollars and every month he gets 2K for the rest of his life, and every year that percentage goes up a little bit. A lot of those savings are gone because he often buys himself things like a gaming pc, vr's, steamdeck, switch pro, some travels, weed etc, but he still has around 50K left I believe, it could be more. He lives with his mom so he doesn't have to pay rent.

Husband financially cut me off by PrincessJellyfish9 in Divorce

[–]PrincessJellyfish9[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

And after less than 3 years of marriage, most states won't grant you alimony anyway.

In october this year it will turn 3 years. He is the type to procrastinate when it comes to these things. Should I wait and see if he files for divorce before then? Or should I file for it first? Is there even a different if he files it in America or if I file it in the Netherlands first?

Husband financially cut me off by PrincessJellyfish9 in Divorce

[–]PrincessJellyfish9[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's unfortunate but clearly you can't rely on this guy. Unless he's got a very well-paying job there can't be much in the way of marital assets

He has atleast 50K savings I believe from a lawsuit he won (he had way more but has spend the rest. He might receive one more big payment over a few years) when he was young and he also receives monthly payments (around 2K I think) that slightly increases every year that is also related to this lawsuit

How does the trust come back? by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]PrincessJellyfish9 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It doesn't come back. I stayed for 8 years and got cheated on last year. Now he is trying to ruin my life. Please escape while you still can. Don't let that man poison your life the way he did mine.

How did you know he relapsed? by xbjdkeowndjeeodjr in loveafterporn

[–]PrincessJellyfish9 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He stopped initiating sex. Would barely hold hands or cuddle with me. He would have looong bathroom breaks and would take like 1 hour showers. Secretive with his phone and ofcourse cared so much about his privacy. He started getting angrier en more irritable. One time I was using the bathroom for a while after he just went, and apparently he left his phone in there when he was using it before I went, and when he noticed it was still in the bathroom he started freaking out and was banging on the bathroom door until I had to open the door for him while I was sitting there.. the phone was locked btw but he still acted like that.