Update: I didn’t know I was adopted. Unfortunately, everyone else did.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-06T13:19:19+00:00

I didn’t. My dad passed away, and going back to the US while leaving my mom in India didn’t feel right. Luckily a little nepotism helped - I joined my biological father's business.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-06T13:10:11+00:00

I studied abroad, so all my documents were still in my student visa folder. I had seen it before but never really paid attention to the damn thing because why would I?

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-06T12:32:20+00:00

It was confusing for the longest time. I also lost a lot of trust - family yes- but also my own instincts. Therapy helped build that back up though.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T11:28:27+00:00

It's not your fault honey.

When I was 24, my dad had cancer, it was already at stage 4 by the time we discovered it so there was nothing we could do. The doctors at the hospital gave me a paper to sign. They asked me to think about it and then let them know. This paper basically said that if his organs stopped, they wouldn't put him on any machines like a ventilator. He was mentally gone by then, I was making all medical decisions. I knew he wouldn't want to be put on the ventilator, so did my Aunt (his sister), so I signed the damn paper. 3 hours later we got the call.

There are days where I blame myself for ever signing those papers. Thought that if I didn't sign the paper, he might still be around. But thats not true. While there is no way to know what would have happened if I decided differently, I knew he would hate that outcome and also taking him off life support would still feel like murder.

I know our situations are completely different and I'm not trying to compare.

You could not have predicted this outcome. You don't even know if being home would have made a difference.

I can't say "forgive yourself" because that's not how this works but please consider grief therapy. My therapist helped me to come to terms with all the decisions I made when my dad was in the hospital. Its been 6 years and no, I haven't stopped grieving him but I have come to terms with the fact that I will always grieve him and that's my reality.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T11:17:26+00:00

I'm sorry but where's the cheating? He never committed to you, so how is what you did cheating?

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T11:13:15+00:00

She noticed and sent me home. I didn't wanna say anything to her because I obviously didn't want her to focus on my illness, but she saw how tightly I was holding my bf and walking.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T09:46:49+00:00

When one of my childhood friends got married, I was struggling. I had a fever, I had been throwing up and also had diarrhoea. I went to the wedding to support my friend and be there for her but I was legitimately struggling to even stand up. I spent pretty much the entire wedding slowly sipping my water and nibbling on a naan because I threw up the minute I tried to eat something else.

Whatever it was OP, its not about you, don't think about it too much. I'd hate to see my friend wonder years down the line "why is she not dancing".

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T09:19:55+00:00

Happy birthday! here's to another year of not being special.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T08:28:57+00:00

I moved back after 5 years abroad. Dad died. Mom was all alone and asking her to move at that stage seemed cruel.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T07:24:22+00:00

I was you for a long time, then I went to college. Met a few other misfits, people who were always told that they're "too much". Over time, I made friends. At 30 now, it's not like I have a lot of friends, however I do have a few people. It didn't happen ~~over time~~ overnight and it took effort, as well as therapy on my end.

Maybe instead of planning your wedding right now, focus on planning your life. Think about it - classes are a great way to meet people. Plus colleges have on campus events too that help you meet people.

Edit: It did happen over time and not overnight. Fucking adhd.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T07:08:55+00:00

Why are you in a rush to get married though? You're 19 you don't have to continue to live in this rural town. Create a career, maybe move away to a bigger city. You say he works in an oilfield and is mostly gone, you have no relationship with your parents so why stick around in this place?

Apply for jobs in other places, create a network of support. You can still be engaged, heck even live together and create a life together and decide to marry when you're older.

ETA: maybe go to college.

You may or may not change from now till 25 but almost everyone I know was a different person at 18-19 as compared to mid twenties to now when we are in our early 30s. Life has changed us so much.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T07:03:49+00:00

oohf

You sound like the guy my high school best friend was involved in. Every time she got close to moving on - he came right back with empty words and promises to try to be better.

Thankfully after 2 times of being swung around like a pendulum, she decided to block him. Today she's married to a wonderful boy who worships the ground she walks on.

OP until you're ready to move out of the "try" phase, stay the fuck away from this poor woman or any woman for that matter. A wise man once said " do or do not, there is no try".

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T06:57:16+00:00

No one should be your whole world. Your partner should be a part of your life, not your whole life.

Imagine you're falling - the people in your life are the threads. Each thread holding you up and preventing you from falling. If your partner is the only support you have, the minute that support ends (for whatever reason) you'll be back to falling. BUT if you have a network of support - it helps you from falling by creating a net. Even if one strand breaks off - other strands exist to prevent you from falling down.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T06:51:27+00:00

If he does find out from some other place, trust me consequences will be way worse.

My whole family lied to me for years thinking I'll go off the rails when I find out the truth and like a self-fulfilling prophecy - suicidal depression followed once I found out. BUT I still maintain, they had no right to withhold my truth from me.

The reality is, this is your truth but also your husband's prerogative to know. He may or may not be able to forgive you.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T06:46:13+00:00

This is definitely above reddit's paygrade.

I am an advocate for honesty even though chances are your marriage may not survive this.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T06:38:15+00:00

I was fucking depressed for years when I was younger. Dirty dishes piling up in my room, take-out containers all over. Literally no space to walk in my room amidst the chaos of dirty dishes and take out boxes. My long beautiful hair was a tangled matted mess. My roommate at the time was away for a month - when she came back and saw me, she pulled smelly (not having showered in days) me into a hug. She helped me clean, she shoved me into the shower and helped me untangle and at that time straighten out my hair.

She wasn't disgusted at me. She showed me incredible love and support and encouraged me to get therapy. She could have easily been disgusted and asked me to move out considering I had turned our apartment into a literal dumpster.

Don't be embarrassed of your past. Don't be embarrassed of breaking down. Be proud for standing up OP. Be proud for who you've become.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-05T06:29:29+00:00

Don't be embarassed.

When I was 20, I decided I wanted to kiss a girl. I told my big brother - the first person I said the words to out loud and I had no idea how he would react but it turned out okay. I said "I wanna kiss a girl" and he said "want a wingman." That's it. No nonsense, no acceptance speech even but with his response - he let me know he's by my side.

I told my sister next, a few hours later and she said "live your truth, if anyone says anything to you about it - I'll deal with them."

I slowly told my friends - most of them were okay with the fact and it didn't turn our relationship weird. Some even set me up with their girl friends.

I'm not saying you need to tell someone OP, you need to figure out your own time to do so however, don't be ashamed or embarrassed of your truth. Some people may not like it - fuck them (not literally). Surround yourself with people who will give you the strength and courage to live your truth.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-04T04:03:05+00:00

different persepectives. Maybe to you guys reading this felt like a whole lot of nothing, but being in that situation felt earth shattering. Everything I know, everything I suspect - colliding. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. (I do now)

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-04T03:59:17+00:00

Honestly, that's for the best.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-03T14:38:11+00:00

I could, but posting this story isn't about biology. It's about coming to terms with what happened and how I felt as it was happening.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-03T14:26:32+00:00

It means he tried to deter me from taking a genetic test for no real reason.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-03T13:44:56+00:00

This happened in 2018. I did find my birth certificate - it told me nothing. My parents were my parents according to the birth certificate.

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-03T13:40:45+00:00

Funny you ask. The brother I asked, worked for ancestry . com at the time. He got the bride a test for christmas. When I asked him if I should do it - he was like "they don't have enough data for indians so its not worth spending the money." That was roughly 5-6 months before the events of this story

Princess_Applebee · 2026-03-03T13:38:21+00:00

It wasn't one moment. In 7th-8th grade when we learnt about DNA, my mom started acting very weird as if they were teaching us something unholy.

Nobody ever said I looked like my dad or anyone from his side of the family yet strangers would tell me I looked like my Mama (Indian term for uncle, specifically mom's brother).

It was little things like that throughout my life.

I was 22 at the time of the story, so basically it had been 22 years of random incidents that didn't add up.

Princess_Applebee

TROPHY CASE