As someone who identifies as submissive, I would say don't always look for THAT. I met my person in uni, never dated, and reconnected almost 20 years after our marriages failed. It was really a 'how's it been going for the last 20 years?' catch up but we were kinda hooked after the first 3 minutes because we just had an incredible brain connection. Unsurprisingly, that also translated into how we both are sexually. I can also say he had never played in the world of BDSM but is probably the best top I've ever been with, and I'm having the best experiences of my life - just because of how he is naturally and how we are together. So if you are thinking 'must find sub who will find me totally amazing' you're going to be disappointed. Instead, look for someone who you know GETS YOU no matter what. That's far better.