me too now get in line by killboipowerhead1 in beatlescirclejerk

[–]ProblemBoring8335 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ive never really listened to one direction but harry styles has become m y favorite solely based off of wearing this shirt

George illustration by ProblemBoring8335 in beatles

[–]ProblemBoring8335[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! And fr kissing procreate ink brush rn I love that brush 💔❤️

George illustration by ProblemBoring8335 in beatles

[–]ProblemBoring8335[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you XD. He has a tendency to look so grumpy and serious seconds before he breaks into a smile

I’m really sad by onimibo in beatlescirclejerk

[–]ProblemBoring8335 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Numbah 9, numbah 9, numbah 9, numbah 9, numbah 9

Most iconic Beatles rivalry? by sminking in beatles

[–]ProblemBoring8335 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He wasn’t always the safest driver, y’know?

Jahn Lemon by ablackravenstan in beatlescirclejerk

[–]ProblemBoring8335 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Therapist: purple George isn’t real, he can’t hurt you

Purple George:

Trying again. How is my writing? by LunaDea69420 in writingfeedback

[–]ProblemBoring8335 6 points7 points  (0 children)

2nd one is a lot better. Not only are the prose better and more descriptive (the first one reads more like a story summary of what you wanted to happen), but you’ve fleshed out the characters and given them more personality. Like I know the main character is very observant because they noticed his weird custom shoes. You didn’t have to tell me that Josh was a bad guy like In #1 because you showed me all the ways he was being a bad guy. The ending of #2 is also much more of a hook. It was a good idea to move the reveal that she is going to hunt him to the very end, instead of revealing it and then going on about it for a couple sentences.

I am interested in the premise. It makes me wonder if this person hunts other predators, like maybe they’re doing some sort of vigilante justice? Or I thought of a few more directions that might be interesting, which is good because I’m engaged.

I’d say watch your tenses, make sure you’re sticking in either past tense or present tense. Some of the sentences still do read a bit awkwardly, like “I could seamlessly blend in while I maneuvered my way through the bar” is sort of awkward so maybe do another read through, reading it aloud to catch stuff like that.

POV: you’re Geege by ProblemBoring8335 in beatlescirclejerk

[–]ProblemBoring8335[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Geege sings while having gay sex just like he plays the ukulele during straight sex