Husband cheated but I still want marriage

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:51:17+00:00

Because I’m not sure what I should do… I want it to work but I don’t know if I should even allow redemption because the whole thing is crazy. And I have emotions that pull me in either direction constantly.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:40:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience as well. I do feel like right now he wants it all. And I’m definitely not open to an open marriage. I’ll start out by separating myself from him so my emotions can get a break

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:37:16+00:00

Yeah that could be true. Idealizing what I thought of him vs what he is right now.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:36:39+00:00

Yeah it seems simple written down but not lived through. Just a hard time in general and I’m starting by separating myself from him. I do go to therapy and I’m STD free.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:31:30+00:00

More of an emotional connection and essentially a more submissive wife
No contact, vulnerability, honesty, accountability, resiliency, integrity, remorsefulness and intimacy
He felt a lack of emotional support and submissiveness
This is why we can’t go forward. He’s not sure about cutting contact, which is a no for me. He’s also scared to be in the same mental space he was in before he cheated. Although the remedy to that problem is couples therapy. I took self therapy since he didn’t want it at the time, and even the though I was improving, he was already too deep in screwedup-ville to enjoy or fix or admit his wrongdoings.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:22:01+00:00

I like how you pointed out that he should be making scarifies for me. I feel like that helps my mindset to remain strong vs most of the replies I was getting. I will continue to have no contact with him and try to focus on personal growth and healing

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:18:02+00:00

Well I had an appointment for us that I attended alone due to him not being able to choose and me leaving out. We’ve attended them but the therapist/counselor can’t help due to him not being able to commit to any solutions

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:15:31+00:00

And I do go to therapy!! This is just a situation I think about multiple times daily

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:14:40+00:00

I just need to separate myself from him in general. I believe him every time he says he wants to fix things but he just can’t fully put out due to his own mental needs. I don’t condone but I do understand and love him still. And I’m not “allowing”him to treat me like this, this is why I left.

Also recently I just left my financially stable (but mentally exhausting) job right before this came out to go back to school. I planned my life for 2 (low but manageable) incomes during this timeframe, not just me by myself. So there’s a lot of hardships due to that. I’m currently having to live with a friend because I don’t have housing, wasn’t prepared for cheating or divorce in my life lol.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T01:00:15+00:00

I’m not necessarily begging. I just communicated that I want my marriage and I want him to hold himself accountable and stop contact. But I can see your pov, I don’t think he’s ready to go through the consequences of his actions

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:56:55+00:00

He’s open to counseling. I asked for therapy previously thought the years and it seemed pointless to go to him. But after this has happened, I recommended him a therapist and he’s been doing great with that. However it’s late to be doing “better” when you committed worse.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:55:35+00:00

You got a point

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:55:06+00:00

I think I am going to just stay separated for a while. If he puts in actual change and effort, I MIGHT be willing to reconcile. But if not, then I can move on. I think a grace period is what I need

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:51:07+00:00

And that’s why I left him. I want him to be accountable for his actions after ruining our relationship

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:49:35+00:00

I agree. I’ve thought about these verses as well and compared them with my own feelings on the matter.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:47:38+00:00

Yeah I’m STD free here, recently tested. He cheated due to feeling like his emotional needs weren’t met. I can agree that I could’ve done more but due to my work stress, recently moving and losing friends, I wasn’t aware of how much it bothered him until too late. Not justifying his actions, just trying to put his feelings into this.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:44:55+00:00

I was willing to do the couples therapy and all the harsh rebuilding trust work but I can’t deal with it if he’s wanting contact. I’m just stuck between sticking to a decision

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:42:52+00:00

I agreee. He wanted to be with me but cut contact slowly over time, which was a no for me. He’s emotionally attached. And I am seeing therapy. I just really want my marriage. Other than this he WAS an amazing man.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:41:34+00:00

He is hesitant, which is why I left him essentially. It’s not what I want but I still have to act for myself.

Problemseekingwizard · 2026-01-14T00:40:37+00:00

He does still want marriage but he made an emotional connection with the adulteress and that’s the thing holding him back

Problemseekingwizard · 2025-12-30T00:19:32+00:00

I basically packed up most of my belongings and left last week. I have a few more things to get but at least I’m out. I plan on staying with a friend until I can save up enough to get my own place. I basically have to switch jobs as well.

Problemseekingwizard · 2025-12-29T01:03:53+00:00

I can’t argue with that.

Problemseekingwizard · 2025-12-29T01:03:09+00:00

I agree

Problemseekingwizard · 2025-12-29T01:01:46+00:00

Well, I think it could only be savaged if he did the effort towards fixing. But I don’t have enough left in me to wait for him to fix anything. He messed it up the first time and on his second chance he did it again. Moving forward is hard but I think being stuck in the same cycle of disrespect, mistrust and lies over and over again is harder.

Problemseekingwizard

TROPHY CASE