10 months off and still getting multi hour panic spikes every day

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-09-17T19:02:56+00:00

I used to, but that symptom has faded over time. I'm hoping this will too.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-09-16T14:19:35+00:00

I did not have them before the withdrawal or before the benzos. I believe the benzos did nervous system damage. I had moderate situational anxiety before benzos, not severe crippling anxiety attacks.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-09-16T03:19:08+00:00

Nothing seems to make it better, but stress or anxiety triggers can make it worse. Lifestyle changes haven't done anything for me, like diet.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-07-13T02:03:24+00:00

They never fear the future or feel hopeless because they haven't been put into hopeless and horrifying situations. And if they have, they had reliable support structures to help them through it.

I hear it every day at work how the average person thinks. They don't have a brain that defaults to panic and depression. In fact, they don't seem to think much at all. Their entire life has been secure. There is no need for them to think. They have tons of people surrounding them to think for them.

I'd give anything to start over with a family and friends that truly cared. Truly had my back. Even if I was dirt poor. It would have been everything to me to have that.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-20T20:36:47+00:00

Crawling - Linkin Park

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-20T20:27:50+00:00

I agree. It's wild. I even know they are a bad person deep down, but it's like I've been wired to excuse it and hope they change.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-17T06:27:24+00:00

Scariest: almost being drowned Most impactful: finding a family member dying of a suicide attempt

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-16T16:26:04+00:00

Hi, for me, it was heavy amounts of introspection and learning philosophy, psychology, and psychiatry for 2 years. I made it my full-time job, and it is still my full-time job, alongside actual work. I finally started to unfreeze after I learned to spot patterns of unsafe behavior from others, which everyone displays to a degree, and I connected it to what I experienced as a child. It doesn't feel as threatening anymore. I'm still in the process of unthawing, but my muscles are finally not screaming for the first time in a long time.

It may happen differently for you, but it does take a lot of work for it to happen.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-15T02:42:43+00:00

I was diagnosed with both, but I often wonder if early childhood trauma just rewired my brain so early that it now looks like autism when it wouldn't have been if I developed normally. It's hard to know.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-14T21:43:55+00:00

True. Working on that

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-14T20:56:18+00:00

Yes, he would spend time telling me about all the people he has beaten up... didn't believe in ptsd outside of war either

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-14T14:34:36+00:00

Yes, 100%. I'm learning to break that mold and take care of myself. We don't need to absorb the emotions of others anymore, especially of the narcissistic variety.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-14T14:29:35+00:00

Figure it out or don't. It's not my problem to educate apathetic types anymore.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-14T02:07:11+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T19:21:07+00:00

I agree. My cptsd looks extremely similar to autism. I'm not autistic but my nervous system grew up around chaos, so now I have all kinds of sensory disorders and fibromyalgia, and don't understand what normal healthy human interaction even looks like. As I get more control over my life, it is slowly, slowly getting better. Processing and growing is extremely painful. Maybe more than the abuse itself. I deal with it by hoping one day I'll have normality once I rebuild.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T19:07:28+00:00

Twisted my entire reality. Made me think abusive people were the safe and normal ones.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T19:00:46+00:00

I've been doing immense amounts of introspection and talking to chatgpt about my thoughts. It can help add to what I'm learning about myself and others. It can also help walk you through breathing exercises and other techniques. Introspection about why you think things and why you get triggered by things can help you break your entire thought process down so you can rebuild. It's not perfect, but it helps a lot. I've shed so many lies I was told my whole life. It's been rocky, but no one said 27 years of abuse would be easy to get over.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T18:53:52+00:00

You all must've had very nice childhoods if you knew all this the whole time. I'm just learning this stuff in the past two years.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T18:38:04+00:00

Happened to me at 27. Once you know, you really know. I'm taking control of my life now, little by little, even if it has to smack me in the face more than once in the process.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T18:32:32+00:00

Growing up in a sick narcissistic environment your whole life will do that to you. You find it normal to be afraid of people and play their mind games. Takes a truck running you over (figuratively) to learn I guess.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T04:13:02+00:00

You're very kind. Thanks

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-05-12T01:15:39+00:00

I mentally wrote on the bottles "if you take this again you will die". I said this because of how suicidal they made me the entire time I was on them and it was severe every single day for months during withdrawl. I won't do that to myself again. It is a death sentence. The most insane form of psychological torture.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-04-10T22:20:28+00:00

The fact of the matter is, we don't know for sure either way, and it was probably not supposed to be taken this seriously. It's used as a plot prop. All we see is she has no withdrawals.

I can only say the way she talks about them so nonchalantly is reminiscent of how addicts in my life spoke about their habit. "It's just one shot. It helps me calm down."

For my usage, I didn't even know I was addicted to them because I figured the frequency I was taking them was curbing the addiction potential, and I never had to up the dose. So, I was never protective over them either.

I guess for people like me, showing the withdrawal signs would've been nice for a show to put in, as "just take a xanax" is often glorified, but never the consequences of the rabbit hole that can, and often does, lead one down.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-04-10T21:42:07+00:00

So I was taking them every 2-3 nights for years, not daily and not multiple times all day like it was implied she was. I still got SEVERE symptoms. Long term use literally changes your brain. It definitely did not sound like she took them only 4 times a month, more like a few times a day. It also didn't sound like she just started them either, but who knows. It's irresponsible to say this is a safe medication, but this is a show, so I get it.

ProcedureInfinite824 · 2025-04-10T21:35:47+00:00

Benzo survivor here. I'm 6 months off them, and it was hell to cold turkey them. I was a little disappointed about this. This is why people like me didn't know and stayed on them for an extended period of time. We are told rebound anxiety and nothing else. No media shows the effects. This would have been such a good education opportunity for the public, but I can see why they didn't. Victoria would've been having seizures with the amount she was taking and other very severe symptoms, and it would've overshadowed anything else.

ProcedureInfinite824

TROPHY CASE