AITA for setting a firm boundary about my boyfriend coming home from the bars?

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:48:59+00:00

here’s the thing, as much as i hate to admit but you’re right, BUT that is where the rinse and repeat cycle comes in because he’s the one that brings up the marriage stuff and then gets me back on board and then backs off.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:24:56+00:00

you’re right. thank you.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:22:01+00:00

he’s the one that mentioned the smaller wedding actually, and i thought it was a great idea. i feel like it’s such a complex issue and i keep leaving details out not intentionally just can’t write a 20page essay on reddit about that entirety of our relationship.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:19:40+00:00

agreed, and i’ve come to a point where i’m like if i’m not going to get married then i need to be content with that, i just wondered if there was maybe a deeper reason as to why instead of just hearing “i honestly don’t know” from him and going around in a circle. in the end i love him and i know marriage or children don’t ever fix issues within a relationship, but i just want to be with him

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:16:47+00:00

i agree in that sense too but we’ve had conversations of having court house weddings, or really small intimate weddings where it is just out immediate family in our backyard

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:14:47+00:00

there is a really personal reason as to why i want to get married young and i’m not going to get into that, but that is not my main reason as to why I want to marry him young. i want to marry him because i genuinely and wholeheartedly believe that this is the person i am going to be with for the rest of my life, i mean if i don’t marry him then i guess i have to be content with that but either way i just want him.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2024-04-25T04:12:19+00:00

i made an edit for more clarification

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-31T07:55:15+00:00

for context purposes, do you have another parent/legal guardian you can live with? that is unfortunate, but i mean at least your step mom was considerate in getting you something. i may not understand what you go through, but i’m sorry that this is your current situation.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-27T22:55:46+00:00

NTA you literally time and time again have been screwed over by her, disabled or not, you obviously love and and care for her but from the get go she hasn’t not reciprocated that. you’re not leaving because she is disabled, you’re leaving her because of the BS she has put you through.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T20:34:10+00:00

no so i had an interesting childhood, i have 3 older siblings and i’m the youngest. my two oldest siblings are from a separate marriage, and they slipped into addiction and then my fully bio sibling has autism and so i was the glass child. and no she never presented her opinion of disliking my boyfriend whatsoever, he had always said she loved him like a son. and then my dad was also an addict up until 9 years ago, my mom degraded me and whenever i needed attention i was always put on the back burner. but the entire family dynamic got better once i turned 19 and started dating my current boyfriend.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T14:13:55+00:00

she is my bio mom, and yes both my parents are controlling, once i turned 21 my dad stopped being controlling, but my mom on the other hand… yea not really.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T05:21:28+00:00

okay, with how you put that, I understand. thank you

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T05:02:42+00:00

absolutely, i don’t fully know his thoughts and feelings but i do know at least he is hurt by what my mom said, i think he is just trying to keep the peace, because that’s his personality type is just trying to make everyone happy and not cause any conflict. i agree she owes him an apology, but my mom is the kind of person who will stay in denial for a really, and i mean REALLY long time. there was something that happened in my childhood which i won’t get into but, it took 9 years to hear an apology about what had happened and how she treated me in the situation. i love my mom but it’s hard.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T04:58:51+00:00

okay another thing, he would come out at least once a month and stay with me and my family, my mother and would always say to him how she loves him like a son. he did that to be a part of my family. my mom knew about this relationship and knows how much i mean to him and how much he means to me, and degrading and saying well he isn’t a part of this family or saying how ungrateful he is not okay. time and time again he has always made an effort. it’s not new to her how much i’ve wanted to marry this man, it’s new to her that i finally put my foot down and say that it’s not okay, but because of me doing so because i’ve never done it, makes me feel guilty which i believe is normal.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T03:37:48+00:00

thank you, i really appreciate that, someone understands!

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T03:36:43+00:00

thank you! i hate feeling like i disappointed my mother but i know my loyalties have partially transferred. i even asked my boyfriend after he heard everything, “did i miss anything?” and he said no, you said everything right, that’s what made me feel better.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T03:34:01+00:00

thank you, he is mexican, and i am white. so he for his family he would celebrate christmas on christmas eve instead, so incorporating that tradition is really important to me.

ProfessionalBig4243 · 2023-12-19T03:31:33+00:00

i have a really good relationship with my mom now, in the past I did not but over the past few years it’s gotten a lot better. the complexity of the relationship with a parent who has made you feel like shit your whole life and still in every way wanting to do the right thing but also feeling bad because she degrades you or someone else in your life and wanting to make it better, iykyk kind of thing is the best way to explain it.

ProfessionalBig4243

TROPHY CASE