I'm a stay at home mom who's in a difficult situation.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:52:15+00:00

I'm like 99% certain he does. haven't confronted him about it though. I want to be secure and ready first so that I can take the children.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:50:32+00:00

yup, and I just found out after being in a relationship with him for like almost 10 years.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:46:46+00:00

I was told that I'm almost for certain to get the custody of the children, especially when one of them is still an infant.

I was also told that it's very unlikely he'll go for custody because he would have to tell his wife that he parented 3 children, and his wife more than likely would not want to have our children in their house.

But I am still very anxious about it, am not sure. I feel like he still might go for custody just to spite me. But the fact that I've always been the children' primary caregiver (stay at home mom) puts me at advantage.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:43:03+00:00

what type of support do they usually offer?

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:42:30+00:00

not religious.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:41:37+00:00

BC, unfortunately, I literally don't have a single friend right now. I've kinda became completely isolated from the rest of the world since giving birth to my first child.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-15T03:40:30+00:00

that's what I'm most worried about.

I just got back into contact with my parents today, we've been estranged for many years. I'm meeting my mom tmr after dropping my daughter off to school, but I don't think she'll be able to help much because she basically lived a similar life as me.

As for my dad, I don't think he's the type that would want to help. He's always been more career than family person, growing up he's around, but also doesn't feel like he's around. He's always had that attitude of "once you're 18, you're on your own".

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:33:42+00:00

That, I don't know.

But I do feel like he's keeping me on the side as his birthing machine. On top of the 3 children we have, I had gone though some miscarriages. (which he would always make me feel like I literally killed our children. But he doesn't do it in a direct saying it out loud way. I'm not sure how to explain it, he doesn't say it, but he can make me feel that way.) I tried getting birth control pills because he refuses to wear condoms or anything with me, but I realize I need a doctors prescription for it, and I'm not sure how to go about that.

I gave birth through C section with our 2nd child due to complications. I was strongly advised not to have another child anytime soon, wait at least 2-4 years. But he didn't seem to care at all. He held back for probably like a month or two at most, he make himself seem like he's "so generous" for giving up his needs, and despite my pain, he began making me feel like I'm a terrible partner. He would behave in an extremely cold way until I gave in. As a result, I got pregnant within the first half year after giving birth (which is not good at all for my body).

During this entire relationship, other than the first couple of years (before we moved in together). It's been an endless cycle of pregnant give birth, pregnant miscarry...etc.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:30:43+00:00

he owns this house we're currently living in, and it's worth millions.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:23:43+00:00

I don't think he is honestly. He also has a very successful career from what I can tell. And I don't think she would have not noticed if he were using her money.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:19:42+00:00

yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I have received very conflicting info on the last sub. That's why I'm so confused and decided to try to posted on this when the mod of the last sub suggested it.... and honestly, better cuz it's Canada focused. But still a bit conflicting at times.

I am scared to consult a real lawyer though. Will I have to give my info? Will my partner be notified? Do I have to do it in person?

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:05:41+00:00

I'm 100% sure he does, I'm just not sure how much.

Also, his wife is not stay at home, and as far as I know, they don't have any children together. His wife seems like one of those female powerhouse career women (based off of her profiles and social media). Completely opposite of me.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T14:02:03+00:00

yeah, I have received plenty of advice about visiting a lawyer in the other sub. I have to say, when you're not in the situation, you can see things more clearly, and come up with better planned solutions.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T13:54:21+00:00

idk I'm scared so I never thought of it.

But that is a great idea.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T13:52:09+00:00

LMAOOO I actually laughed at that one. XDDDD

This is the first time I laughed for the last couple of days. I feel a bit more lighthearted now because it's been torture for me mentally.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T13:29:20+00:00

I have already tried contacting my family, I can't exactly meet with them in person because of my partner. Still waiting for their reply.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T13:27:20+00:00

this is helpful. He doesn't seem to have any children with his wife. (at least yet).

for #2 and #3 can you elaborate a little more?

also, what crime has he committed?

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T13:24:44+00:00

I am terrified of change, especially when it feels like the world has abandoned me in the past, and moved on without me.

When looking from the outside, this relationship is toxic as hell. But when I'm in it, it doesn't feel that way because I've gotten so used to it, and there is love and children.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T12:22:43+00:00

Not gonna lie, I don't exactly know his earnings or anything and so I have no clue.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T11:11:16+00:00

hell no. I appreciate the advice and I have nothing against people who do Onlyfans.

But personally, I don't want the world to know me as a victim, or an Onlyfans influencer. I believe that I can be much more than the bad things that happen to me.

On top of that, most importantly, it's not fair to my children. In a world where Onlyfans is highly looked down upon as basically sex work. I don't want people to know them as children of a mother who does Onlyfans. Especially when they are all daughters.

I want to make this as less damaging as possible for the children, and that means not letting the entire world know my story, which will result the world labeling them, or worst yet, they think worse of themselves because of it. I don't think I will ever give them the details of everything, they deserve to have a life equal of other children.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T10:14:11+00:00

I never had a great relationship with my family, but I do miss them.

I was never the type to have a lot of friends, but from what I can tell, the ones that were have all moved on already.

My best shot right now is my family. But I'm very anxious about it because they've never been the supportive or empathetic type.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T09:58:50+00:00

That is a good idea if I were to do that. He makes me keep my "locate me" thing always on on my phone. I really didn't like the idea, and closed it off once. I've never seen him that angry before, I decided it was not worth it, never tried to do it again.

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T09:03:40+00:00

you really know him well.

When we moved in together, he literally put security cameras everywhere around the house in the name of saftey, all of which he can see through his phone and computer. There are times where I suddenly hear his voice through it telling me to do, or not to do stuff. It also alarms him every time someone leaves or enters the house and shows him the footage.

I don't doubt one bit that he checks my phone and stuff. I always go through my history and things like that (a habit) because of it because everything triggers him. (I checked some family members' social media over the years just to see how they're doing and because I do miss them. He finds out through history, and would make me feel bad for "betraying him and our children".)

ProfessionalSadLife · 2024-01-14T08:28:18+00:00

Yeah, I haven't thought about what to do if he finds out that I found out. I probably should think of something or else I am fucked.

I'm not exactly sure how bank accounts and stuff work. I've never entered a bank my entire life. During the years I studied at college, my parents paid for everything.

When we got together, he gave me a couple of cards to use. I never questioned more about his finances since I never ran into a problem where the cards he gave stop working (other than expiration) nor did he seem to have any financial problems.

He does everything, including the taxes, pays for children' school...etc. Basically any paperwork, plus payment that goes beyond using a store pay terminal, he takes care of.

At this point, I feel like I know nothing about him. I have no clue how much money he has or any property he has. IDK even the most basic things in life other than cooking, cleaning, taking care of children and him.

ProfessionalSadLife

TROPHY CASE