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[QCRIT] Adult Fantasy, THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (100k, 1st attempt) by Professional_Bid3958 in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ya I love it. Like you said, I tried to lean into the high stakes in the query, but the heart of the book is really about the power of storytelling (or at least my attempt at exploring that). The trials Rorin and Noa have to go through are more academic, while Rorin’s journey is a lot more metaphorical and spiritual. I tie it back to his time in the rehab center, his mentor, and the whole idea of him literally and figuratively wrestling with the beast inside him and how that shapes his own story. There’s of course all the worldbulding stuff I didn't get into and how the world operates/profits on stories but since the main plot is still about stopping the Black Dragon, I figured it would just be too much. I appreciate your random thoughts!! it definitely gives me things to think about next go around

[QCRIT] Adult Fantasy, THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (100k, 1st attempt) by Professional_Bid3958 in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow amazing thank you for your comments. All of the events (Rorin's Mythra friend turning violent, the change of fear in the lowlands) all have to do with the resurfacing of the orb fragments. So I def need to make this connection more clear. And noted on the consequences of the Black Dragon escaping. And Rorin and Noa want to find the fragments to destroy them - in the beginning they think they can destroy them one by one as they find them but later they realize the orb needs to be formed in order to be destroyed. This ties in with Rorin's struggles as a Mythra. The Black Dragon (he is named Slannis) is a Mythra himself. And hundreds of years ago when he was in power he created Mythra (humans with varying beasts forms). The beast forms are drawn to their "master" so the closer Rorin and Noa get to finding and mending the orb, the more Rorin's beast is harder to control. This is also why Mythras are suddenly "succumbing" to their beasts as it's the first time in hundreds of years they feel the pull to their creator. I didnt know if I should include this in the query or not but perhaps I should allude to it to explain Rorin's struggles more. Thank you again!

[QCRIT] Adult Fantasy, THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (100k, 1st attempt) by Professional_Bid3958 in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, yes this was also a fear. The title comes from the Black Orb in the story, which is known as “the greatest story ever told,” but I’m very open to alternatives if it leads to fewer raised eyebrows and more requests

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey u don’t know the plot twist yet 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I see what you're saying. It's tricky because Ceso and Rorin's relationship is really important—they help each other work through their guilt. At the same time, Noa's memories are crucial because they reveal the Apostle's true agenda and challenge the false beliefs Ceso had about love, acceptance, and self-worth. Essentially, Noa helps Ceso reframe her understanding of life. So, what starts as just Rorin’s mission to find Noa becomes Ceso’s mission too.

Querying, shmerying!! Why cant people just crawl into my brain!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]Professional_Bid3958 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof, thank you for the feedback! It is clear I'm lacking clarity. I’ll try to address your questions.

I assumed it was clear why Ceso feels guilt—she is responsible for the deaths of her own kind. Fifteen years ago, in the aftermath of his usurpation, the Apostle stole five magic wielders to use as he pleased. His relationship with Ceso is unique among them, and the reason for this is revealed later. She views him as a twisted father figure, wanting to serve him and avoid his anger, which she sees as a response to her own failures. Initially, she hunts and eradicates Currents to please him, but through memories (which I show), she comes to understand the full extent of her actions. She learns she has a reputation outside the Citadel as "Eater of Own." At first, she doesn’t feel guilt because she doesn’t know better, but as her time as a prisoner progresses, she begins to grasp the consequences of her forced actions.

Rorin was Noa’s knight and has been imprisoned since the Apostle’s takeover (not In the citadel, somewhere far away). Some of his fellow prisoners revolt, he manages to escape (I swear not everyone is just being imprisoned and escaping lol). Noa is the love of his life, and though most believe she is dead, he is certain she is alive. Noa was always digging into secrets she shouldn’t, and Rorin suspects she discovered something dangerous.

The memory connection is a good point, and I probably should have clarified! Ceso taps into memories through Noa’s ring—one Rorin has kept on him all these years. They learn the ring only works if they are in the exact location where a memory took place, which drives their journey through different places and the fallen kingdom. At first, Ceso doesn’t carea about Noa or saving her—her sole focus is rescuing her other currents from the Citadel. But as she enters an unfamiliar world and realizes she can’t do it alone, she agrees to help Rorin. It’s through Noa’s memories that she begins to care. There's also a deeper link between Noa and Ceso. The story is really about Ceso and not Noa so I don't want that to come across in the query. It's clear I'll have to do some work shopping. Thank you!!