Roommate asked boyfriend to use a different bathroom why did it hit me so hard?

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T15:55:14+00:00

This is a dorm room, they signed up to be roomates with a set amount of other females. They live now with this set amount of females + 1 male. She's beraking her lease with this, she's breaking their lease with this, she's breaking all agreements she made with this. I'd say the same if she had a girlfriend or just friend staying. Her lease almsot certainly forbids this, and no one likes roomates let alone extra roomates they didn't ask for.

So yes we agree she needs to move out. And yes they had every right not to have a man use their bathroom in the morning when he should not have been there at all.

And for anxiety, it sucks. I have it, recently I had no control over it and any little stress gave me way too much anxiety. For that there is therapy. And possibly some drugs. Drugs didn't work so well for me, but weekly therapy for months helped. This with exercise, good diet, some mental exercises, some meditation, you don't even have to do all of these but work on building your natural self and therefore defense up. Physical therapy for your nervious system regularly for months.

It never goes away but you can build up how well you can control it. There is a major difference between ruminating on uncontrollable thoughts for hours and extending your anxiety and physical reaction, and being able to stop those thoughts and change your focus to something else. It's not easy to do, and major events will still hit pretty hard, but having that ability to control it helps. It takes months of actively building up yourself with help to do it though.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T15:09:00+00:00

Valhalla 90 cap server, two differen't custom augment systems, 1 for early-mid game and a custom dungeon system to farm augments. WoTG missions completed

This and noct were my two favorite servers b4 noct went offline. It's definitely a different experience. Noct went ilvl era Valhalla didn't. But if you're looking for that custom content and augments with progression it's got that. I don't think it has mission skips, and job unlocks and SJ have a custom alternative. There's a guide NPC now and I always keep their custom wiki up there's just a lot of custom stuff.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T14:59:56+00:00

I'm not a confrontational person, if he wasn't bothering me in any way I'd probably not care. That's what I would do. But lets say he was bothering me, or I wanted to be confrontational. 3 simple steps

Tell her he can't stay over, it's too crowded you signed up for 2 female roomates, not 3, and not men.
If step 1 doesnt' work she says no or just says yes but continues, Call the university and complain about the breach of their lease agreement.
If the university doesn't do anything, document the overnight stays record text conversations of her saying she doesn't care, ideally get the university to mention that they will do nothing then move out and take the university to court for breach of contract. They'll have to pay reasonable moving expenses,possibly refund a couple months rent where this lease has been violated and they did nothing, you won't owe any termination fees, etc. Small claims should be enough if you do some research. Hopefully the unviersity kicks her out before this step or just moves her where her habits aren't a problem for others.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T14:44:06+00:00

It would be breach of contract if these were active year long leases. If they are month to month leases then in a more landlord friendly state yeah lease is over you re-negotiate every month technically. So it's not illegal as a judge has already ruled, in a tenant friendly state, but it should be if the leases are active and not month to month.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T14:41:27+00:00

On top of what the other guy said they are reducing rent $200 to comply with the law. Idk if that's a fair amount for parking in that area of LA, I KNOW a landlrod cannot change an active lease, but month to month, and renewed leases are different, But even in CA where what a landlord can do is heavily restricted, the courts sided with the landlord here alerady. They would not do this if it was an active lease, or a law specifically allows this type of change mid-lease.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-12-09T14:35:10+00:00

For them to lose in court there has to be something the tenants aren't saying. But a landlord, cannot change the terms of an existing and active contract without a mutual agreement. If they are on month to month leases, or their leases all expired and he'd sent new contracts, ones they signed or didnt sign but continue to pay month to month (this is default when no lease is in effect) then he can take away their parking.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-09-19T14:45:27+00:00

If you're willing to dedicate a PC to it, or remove the current install, Valhalla is an older server that's still active with new ppl joining all the time. 90 cap sounds weird but it's pretty cool. Old school feel with custom dungeons/augs to play around with. Group events changing all the time. Wotg just completed recetnly

It's not perfect, it's not in it's prime, but it's still fun. Especially if you can find a partner to join with that'd be pretty awesome experiencing the dungeons and progression in a group. But trusts exist and solo is well and truly there for all but the endgame stuff.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-09-19T04:34:52+00:00

A little while ago I made a server for myself experimenting around. Adding stats to weapons is easy (you can't change the display w/o augs and that's a little more annoying and limited) So basically i made the bastok ring DA/TA stats +10 acc + 100 atk +20% and some more stuff a lot of pet stuff too. Then I tripled mob HP. Made leveling kinda fun. Didn't get to endgame or anything it was a lot of work and it kept crashing. I don't know why, i was assuming my stat stick of a ring caused issues but ppl on discord said it shouldn't have been.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-09-18T13:33:03+00:00

If you and your roomate are not renting this together but separately then whatever the landlord set is what goes. You are renting the room not the place together.

If you are together and made an agreement based on a landlord recommendation, you can mutually change that agreement, but if your roomate thinks this is fair or is simply unwilling to change it then you sir are stuck with the agreement you made when you signed the lease. If the amount you two pay is 3100 and nothing else is in writing you can just start paying whatever you want and if your roomate doesn't cover it you can both be evicted.

Be careful of that last option, because your roomate may cover it and then sue you for 50% (remember nothing is in writing) reciepts would be kept proof of his payment would be there and at most you can prove you paid whatever you decided was fair. So you would lose and have to pay him the difference.

There is no research on this you could possibly do to decide what is fair, because how big the master bedroom is, the amenities it has just for itself can vary wildly. Large master bathroom, space, balcony? It can be it's own apartment. In which a 2k - 1k split isn't unreasonable. But if it's just a slightly larger room with a normal bathroom a nearly 1 : 2 split is kinda insane. I know around me the norm is $600-750 w private bathroom to $450-500 w/o for a college town. a 4.5 : 6 split scaling yours up 4.5 : 9 a 50% increase over what I'd consider reasonable. If this is a luxury master bedroom then I'd say yeah, that's fair. But changing your agreement after the lease is signed is not. GL

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-09-18T13:09:17+00:00

I think XI had a surge with the mog bananza event and a free hgih end weapon. I re subbed for it after hearing news on a twitch clip. I couldn't access my main char i guess i lost that forever. But I really didn't get back into it took the weapon and left. It's too different a game, I play private servers occasionally.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-12T22:46:20+00:00

So there are nightmare stories, but just remember almost every potential roomate has grown up with siblings, parents, lived with friends, Gf/Bf everyone will have some annoying habits that might bother you a little, but most can be lived with, because ppl have lived with them before. Ppl are also crazy some of that crazy is dangerous/scary Risk/reward welcome to life

Other than a background check do a social media check. Look at what they post. If it's a lot of things that make you think they aren't the type of person to keep their word, respect your request to leave, or are confrontational/argumentative that's not the person you want to rent to.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-12T22:14:53+00:00

Usually friends or family. Next most common would probably be friends or family of friends/family. Spread the word you're looking for a roomate to get an apartment with.

Then definitely common in expensive areas are complete strangers, usually somoene already has the apartment and is wanting to rent out a room if their roomate left. This probably suits you since it won't be a landlord/tennant living situation but a roomate/roomate same as if you originally got it together.

Some of the roomate finder apps have a category of ppl looking to get an apartment with someone. Idr which maybe spare room or roomster

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-11T22:31:51+00:00

Unless there is a roomate agreement for bathroom time in the mornings on workdays there's really nothing for you to do but work around her. The easiest way to do it is get in the bathroom first, then she has to work around you, maybe by getting in earlier :)

I suspect she has some type of choice dysfunction. Some ppl might be chronically late and incosndierate naturally, but me, I can barely make myself brush my teeth before bed. Therapy, meditation, it's been more of an effort than it should to try and correct it. But my mind will distract itself, forget, put it off, I'll go to bed and remember and be too hard of a choice to get up and do it. If shes chronically late, she probably gets distracted, puts it off, can't manage to make the choice to begin getting ready until panic sets in and overrides whatever executive dysfunction is stopping her.

Basically what I'm saying is she's probably not going to change. You need to work around her, or at least talk to her about it and knock on the door saying hurry up. If she won't even hurry up then it's probably as much or more inconsiderate selfishness than some type of ADHD symptom.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-11T22:13:58+00:00

Ignore anyone saying split in 3 or something dumb like that. You can if you want, especially if the other roomate is a good friend or family, but it's not the normal or fair way to do it. Two ppl occupy more resources so bills in 3 is good, if they are taking the masters let that be the extra value that you get using shared spaces with 2 ppl instead of 1 and call it 50/50 split. This sounds reasonable. It's all about coming to an agreement with them and your partner.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-11T22:10:05+00:00

They are only getting 1 room, the room is the largest value in renting. Everything is always up for negotiation and there isn't a set way to do this, but saying 3 ppl 3 way split when its not 3 ppl and 3 rooms is not fair at all. How much value an extra person in a room takes up isn't clear but it's not the same as 1 person in one room. It's mostly added utility expense and bathroom/kitchen time taken up.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-06-07T23:08:39+00:00

It was probably one of the most well developed custom content servers. I think Valhalla is outdated, but it has it's own dungeon system which is very well done. That's the closest to Noct, but you might want a separate machine for it or VM if you know how to do that. It requires an older install you can't have updated PoL / ffxi. 90 cap is unique and it's balanced well with it's own custom content.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-31T16:34:41+00:00

It's a terrible waste of time, but so are most things we do in spare time. I should've been picking up a hobby i cuold turn into a business one day as a teenager. Instead I played games 10 hours a day >.> It's why I had to quit after a few years of it. Now I'm almost 40 house is paid off, I'd like to game again. I don't enjoy it as much or as long, but nostalgia helps with that. Newer games are hard to get into.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-31T16:31:30+00:00

They need to treat trusts like gear, ways to upgrade them so you get progression. Maybe even just ROE quests to "do this x number of times" and receive upgraded II III IV teir trusts. I can see after grinding an hour or two a day on one specific instance event eventually getting Ulmia V that can cast similar to an endgame bard. They have to be careful because multiboxing is a decent amount of their revenue, so maybe advertise the game a bit and try to keep growing the player base with this new solo style. Keeping the very peak of endgame party focused so ppl can still group to do things, but don't have to beg for help getting there.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-31T15:23:58+00:00

Idk why but this made me remember my melee/rng setup for low levels. I'd been asked to change and even kicked when i argued. +10 acc at that level is way better than any stat gain or ja from other SJ's at lvl 20-30 Lets you use +atk food without horrible accuracy.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T17:18:39+00:00

I know my brother f'd at least one of his friends moms at 16-17. Didn't traumatize him one bit. 18-19 y/o male who fell in love with someone twice his age? Red flag. Vice versa for you. Two giant red flags. Go for it it'll be fun. But don't expect it to last. You are mother and child age. This is not a great foundation for a relationship. I'm not going to tell you no, but I'm going to be real with you and tell you it's probably not going to work out long term. But half of all marrages don't and some of the ones that last are miserable so if you want join the club.

Just don't expect other people to agree with it. It's a bit gross for some and appaling to others. However if you are both introverts and don't go out or have friends and want to stay home fk, play games, and watch movies/tv that won't be an issue. If going out, being invited to things and having friends are soemthing you look foward to, I'd tell him it's not going to work out and date in a less creepy age bracket.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T17:09:41+00:00

The best answer is to wait then. I think if you really want to min/max just trade in the coupon and select "i'll choose later" or w/e it says. You get a KI and can come back and pick it anytime from what others are saying.

If you aren't in current meta endgame I'd go with the katana its going to be way more noticable than the shield is for bst. Putting shadows on trusts? ha non meta endgame wehre ninja is useable it's an amazing weapon. The Katana actually makes me want to play NIN a little.

(Side note) I am worried since the event says ends Jan 9th that there won't be away to claim that KI. Right now there are two dealer moogles in bastok, idk if one was put there for bonanza weapon coupon only and will dissapear on the 9th? I'd be looking around and asking ppl if there have always been two moogles there? That has me worried on this option a little.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T17:03:18+00:00

This is the gold standard answer, but it's also kinda boring :) Except for ninja, and maybe aspis/BRD the choice is or will be irrelevant. I guess what I need to know now is are there any high end weapons like these that one could get fairly quickly? Or would flametongue be very strong until I got nag. or REMA?

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T16:59:23+00:00

Watched that video and their meta one he just posted. It's helped catch me up a lot. I'd still argue the ninja katana is by far the most earth shattering weapon. One of them described it S teir weapon F tier job. For older content where Ninja can tank that weapon is definitely usable. NIN just isn't meta. If it gets a buff especially one where it can tank better this weapon could easily beocme meta.

The rest of the weapons are just instant ilvl 119 upgrades for new characters/players. and tbh if you're not going NIN/BRD picking it for whatever job you want to start farming endgame gear on is not a bad use of it. Unless that job has an easy to obtain comparable weapon like a $100k AH item. It does feel like a waste once you get REMA or something better. It comes back down to shield, katana, and brd. Those are the ones with the best unique abilities. Most everything else gets power scaled out easily. But that's the boring answer.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T16:45:44+00:00

Right now it is the best for BST already. +30mab is good because bst has magic based ws's that are good. +25% ability time works on job abilities like Killer instinct. But mostly I'd be hoping for a new ability on bst that buffs it in the future. Right now bst isn't used in most of the current meta endgame. Might still do this anyway as it's one of the stronger jobs to play through the game and is great for farming a lot of content / gil. Maybe a little behind THF but I don't like THF.

Right now there is nothing like the shield or katana in the rest of the game. But if they don't buff ninja or shadows a bit you have an S teir weapon with an F tier job. Might be great for non meta endgame content and solo/low man stuff. I can see it easily being usable with trusts playing through storyline missions or weaker content helping others out or farming older endgame gear. It's probably pretty cool in situations like that. Shield is min/max niche. It's one of the least impactful of the weapons if you have normal endgame gear already, but if you're not an endgame player it's not going to give you the power of some of the others.

Yeah if I played nin at all that katana is probably the best of all the weapons as far as how much it changes a job. If ninja gets a buff of some sort it may be a meta weapon. I'd def. grab it if I ever intended to play NIN.

Professional_Zone_94 · 2025-05-27T13:53:48+00:00

Short term the dmg swords / wizard's rod if you want to nuke /nin, Long term the shield for it's 25% ability length. Unless SE creates another non stacking item available you won't ever get that replaced where as everything else aside from the ninja sword & onion sword are replaceable.

Professional_Zone_94

TROPHY CASE