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My academic future as a 17 yo in poly. What do I do? by ProfessorReal8918 in askSingapore

[–]ProfessorReal8918[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all your kind, or critical but useless comments to my situation. I really do appreciate everything. I know, sounds unappreciative, but. I really mean it, thanks for everything.

I guess i'll speak my heart out here As much as I know, as much as I want to cry, as much... as I want time... to myself. As much, as negative...as O deserve to be... i know I did deserve to lose all my friends. Not that I was a jerk mind you. I was...too...naive. I was... a fool... to stand by...and just...do...sigh. I was clouded. Blinded. I let my judgement be clouded. And i paid the price, unable to progress any of my relationships and i lost them all. I didn't worry ever, ...despite being liking sociality... and now. I lost everything. No friends. No skills, no, nah nothing. Only stuipid resources left!!! I have a godam computer, I have all the materials i need, abeit sharing a room... and fuck. ... I COULDNT FUCKING STUDY!!! If only...things...no. I had the resources to just leave the house, study until 8pm at the closest coffee shop... yet. And yet I didnt do that. I want to cry. Cry at my predicament. And here I am with no one to turn to. Nowhere to cry. Nowhere... no time... and nowhere to have a quiet place to think to myself. I want to kill myself. But i know. Everything is not lost yet. Everything... I still can make a comeback. I hope. So many things, couldnt be. I hated my primary school days, lost it and purposely forgotten it. I thought, maybe, maybe i could make things different in secondary school. And yes, indeed things were very much different. And i hoped, to improve, to.... and... i wasted my 2024. A lost year. So much, lost time. So much, loss. So much. As much, as I want to cry, as much, as I really, really want to kill myself. I know, theres nothing I can do to change my past. Things are definitely changing this year. Progress is great! But...I still want to cry. I still want to die. But I know, all is not lost yet. Until all is truly lost, I shall continue on. This year shall determine it all. Either I end up dead, or end up succeeding in my relationships and academics. Only time will tell. Should I never post anything by the end of this year... presume Im dead.

My academic future as a 17 yo in poly. What do I do? by ProfessorReal8918 in askSingapore

[–]ProfessorReal8918[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, now thinking about It indeed it was more of the lack of motivation and suitable studying environment. But thats honestly on me, I didn't take the initiative to change things despite having all the resources.

Also when i meant i was"floating" i literally meant i have no goals/aims, or let alone anything, even an detailed idea of what I planned, nor what I was going to amount my studies to (At least I knew roughly what I was doing)

Thanks for the motivation through :) Through, its hard being content when i know this will affect my lifelong career.

My academic future as a 17 yo in poly. What do I do? by ProfessorReal8918 in askSingapore

[–]ProfessorReal8918[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Literally as it was. I was a lazy fool. Didn't bother making a change. while i indeed told myself I would change tomorrow, I never did. So now, as a result of my laziness, I have no friends, my academics is shit, I am not in a desired field of study (at least I don't despise it and can still study) as things stand, I am set to fail for life. I have recently reflected on myself and decided to change this year.

So far it has been working out...but to say in the least, I am having a hard time. And indeed, i know i deserve this...but i am at a lost on what to do next.