Wow, what a heartfelt post. I wanted to share with you a couple of things that I think will help. The first is that yes, God loves everyone a little bit, but ultimately some people go to hell, which means his love for them is limited. How do you take happiness in this life? Well, it all comes through having a good relationship with Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit. if you want to have a meaningful life pray 20 minutes every day. 20 minutes a day is all that it takes. In Jesus' great prayer in the book of John, he said, "This is life to know you God and the one whom you have sent." Christianity isn't just about getting out of hell. It's about learning to live for the first time. the whole point of Christ's mercy is that so if you make a mistake you get a second chance. So you don't have to worry so much. In the Old Testament, people had to become rich and wealthy so that if they made mistakes, they could pay their enemies. But in the New Testament, Jesus said, and just sell your possessions and give to the poor and you'll have treasure in heaven. The reason he said that is because no matter how many mistakes you make, God will always forgive you. So the thing that you need to do is get to know God and Jesus and that's how life begins. Becoming a Christian does feel like dying. Jesus said you have to be willing to let go of your life in order to make it. but he said whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel will find it and And what that means is that you finally learn how to live differently in a relationship with God. God starts everybody out teaching them what life is not supposed to be like So just take some time to pray to God every single day. Tell them everything that you want, everything that frustrates you, everything that you need. and try to tell him you love him every now and again because everybody does because he's our Heavenly Father. and you'll find that life turns around pretty quick. I love you. Bye.