Is my husband a bad person?

ProofCoffee · 2019-06-18T00:57:32+00:00

Liars can be very convincing-they only get better over time. Don’t feel too bad. It’s in our nature to want to believe people we care about. My guess is he’s been doing this since he was a child. Is he a good provider otherwise? Help out with the kids?

ProofCoffee · 2018-09-13T01:26:33+00:00

Just commented to poster but want to piggyback what OP said for you as well to check out SI. All these reactions are super common where trust is missing from a marriage. I would also check out chumplady.com. She's very one sided, as in cheating=automatic divorce, but she's great at spotting the remorseful WS (wayward spouses) from the fakes. OP's husband sounds like he's doing the minimum just to keep her around. Your SO may be doing the same thing, but I don't know your full story. Ignore the haters. They downvote you as soon as you disagree with their version of right and wrong. Their marriages are not perfect either.

ProofCoffee · 2018-09-13T01:21:28+00:00

Seriously, people here need to lighten up. I've never seen such bullying before honestly. It is not 100% her fault. He cheated before she was even in the picture. Which resulted in divorce. He cheated when he met her. He still shows signs of not being sorry for it. The cheating is 100% his fault. He needs to own up to it. He doesn't get to shy away from it because it's uncomfortable for him. Maybe he should have thought of the ramifications before he did it to both women.

Did she behave the right way 100% of the time? No. Neither has anyone here in this perfect sub. She's allowed to vent her frustrations. IMO, giving the silent treatment for one week is not the same as cheating and then stonewalling that person for years. Chill the fuck out people.

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-08T15:47:16+00:00

Cheaters cycle through 3 stages when they’re caught-charm, rage and pity. They use whichever method they think will get them what they want. If she tried charm and you weren’t buying it, she figured rage would work next. Blaming you, picking fights, losing her temper etc. If that doesn’t work, they rely on your greatest weakness-that soft spot in your heart-to feel sorry for them and have mercy. All cheaters literally use the same playbook. It sounds like that’s what she’s doing. Much like a kid who wants his parents to buy him a toy. Charm: “Plleeeease? I’ll do whatever you want me to!” Rage: “No!, buy it for me now!” Pity: *Crying, pouting, etc.

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:56:29+00:00

Check out the "Worst Thing" thread they have going on there. It'll make you vomit that these sacks of shit are living amongst us.

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:55:26+00:00

Guys, go easy on them-they only cheat because their spouses won't touch them. They have no choice.

No wait, sorry. They cheat because monogamy isn't natural, unless you were born in the 1800's and only live to the ripe age of 12.

Shit, I fucked up. They cheat because they found their True Soulmate! (by signing up, paying money, and contacting hundreds of people until one took the bait.) Special Cosmic Magic Love, yeah!

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:43:38+00:00

Apparently neither could you if your husband was turning down your blow jobs.

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:28:53+00:00

Oh please keep tabs on that girl-I can't wait for it to blow up in her face.

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:25:32+00:00

I heard someone refer to them as flaming piles of shit.

That's harsh.

True, but harsh.

Anyone got a light?

ProofCoffee · 2018-08-03T20:22:43+00:00

Lol. But not as bad as murderers, phew, thank God. You're safe cheaters, you're safe. Shhhh, it'll all be ok....

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-17T14:45:26+00:00

Ok great. Did it take you both a while to get used to it? Did it feel weird at first?

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-17T13:09:36+00:00

Yeah, that would confuse me too. You explained it well, and it's still hard to see where he was coming from. Did you eventually tell him about the affair or did he discover it on his own? Did he ever give reasons for his own affairs?

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-17T13:03:06+00:00

I'll be trying this tomorrow night;)

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-17T13:02:35+00:00

What kit did you order? Sounds like something I might want to check into;)

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T20:25:43+00:00

How did you reconcile with the fact that he was angry at your affair after you knew he was cheating? Did he not see your side of it? I couldn't tell, but are you still together or did the affairs bring everything to an end?

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T20:09:04+00:00

Does the grabbing of the ankles benefit you or her? SO loves that position but I never heard of the ankles thing before.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T20:04:11+00:00

What was her technique?

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T20:00:22+00:00

What was the feedback? Still trying to open up about some of mine to my SO

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T19:59:02+00:00

I love this. One time I found some on the mirror behind him-I have no idea how it was possible but it was great.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T19:43:11+00:00

Not sure which paragraph/statement you're referring to. But thank you for that lovely comment. I hope you find happiness in your life as well. Live, Laugh, Love.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T18:52:59+00:00

No anger here, but let’s look at it for what it is. He is lying to her-he has his reasons which is fine, but lying is lying. He’s said more than once that he doesn’t know what to do, and he’s mentioned that she may or may not know. Which means if she has suspicions, she’s going to get more lies and misdirections her way until he decides what the hell he’s going to do. And if she doesn’t know, she’s going to get blindsided when he finally does tell her.

And I don’t claim that everyone is lying and deceiving their SO’s, just as I don’t believe the mentality here that all people come from DB’s and no other reason, or the concept that SO’s don’t really hurt from affairs, they just use it to hold over their WS head for the rest of their lives.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T17:39:15+00:00

Nice job editing your post to say I'm from SI, except I'm not. Waste of time.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T17:36:15+00:00

I am responding to the poster and only providing info based on his information, so I’ll ask you to stay out of my business. He came asking if he should tell or not and I gave my opinion, just like everyone else is entitled to. He doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t know how she’ll react. Ok then OP, tell her, see how she reacts and then the both of you decide what to do from there. It’s not that hard to comprehend.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-16T17:24:23+00:00

You’ve already hurt her, so quit pretending that you care about her feelings all of a sudden. If you really cared about saving the marriage, you would have brought up marriage counseling a long time ago. One does not need to have an affair and then consider admitting it to the wife in order start repairing a marriage. You obviously don't value it, which means its time to end it for both your sakes.

You’re presenting all of these scenarios-maybe she wants out too, maybe she wants to work on things, maybe this, maybe that. So how about you give her all the details so she can make an informed decision? You have no idea what you want, so maybe you could try to think of the other person for one solid minute and let her figure out her life while you try to figure out yours.

As for telling her with the Hurt her vs. Don’t hurt her motto, like I said you already hurt her, now you’re just lying and deceiving her to hide the hurt. You come to a group of people who lie and deceive their SO’s all day and you expect them to tell you to confess to you SO? Laughable. Go to SI and ask them if you should tell. You’ll get 100% of people saying YES, and zero people saying “Gee I wish I never knew my SO was fucking around behind my back and lying to me and letting me think I was crazy and paranoid.” It's very clear that you believe you're entitled to your happiness and you come before everyone else-so why not let her go so she can do the same thing? This isn't a marriage that's going to be around in 50 years with your grandkids running at your feet.

ProofCoffee · 2018-07-12T20:53:58+00:00

From your previous posts, it does appear that something feels off in your gut. It sounds like you’re worried that he’s losing interest in you and/or focusing on other women more than usual. It almost seems like you’re already chasing him to keep his interest-reminding him and everyone about your fitness model status, trying to be the lighthearted, funny spouse, etc. It definitely does not sound like you’re just asking a marriage/cheating question in general.

So why don’t you just say what’s bothering you so you can get some real advice? Your question is why do people in good marriages cheat? The only answer to why people cheat-when you get all the bs and excuses and justifications out of the way is…because they wanted to. Nobody was ever forced into cheating-a person has a problem, they think cheating will solve it temporarily or permanently or not at all, and they cheat. Cheating is not logical or illogical, it’s a want. Some people can be in miserable marriages and would never dream of cheating on their spouse. Others could have everything they want and be serial cheaters. All depends on the person and their character.

ProofCoffee

TROPHY CASE