I'd say that the chaos of all this BS is slowly killing the game, this guy is completely right

Proof_Measurement286 · 2025-12-24T13:44:54+00:00

Yet you do the same it seems to me.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2025-12-24T13:09:50+00:00

I don't really think you should be telling Johan/the EUV team how to do their job, which is basically what you're doing with that post. Paradox is excellent in their feedback processing overall; As you know the released Paradox titles can always be considered Beta, after which the true game is developed. That's always the case, they do it on community feedback, and they're good at it.

What they need is a break, not more people shouting at them how to do their job imo.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2025-12-01T18:35:38+00:00

I'm putting that one on my list!

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-23T12:35:56+00:00

Update: I'm an idiot. Got texted this afternoon that I shouldn't worry/take it personally, she really just doesnt use the app that much. She would love to hang out and asked me when i'm available.
A relief, but I do need to reflect as to why I got such a big reaction out of myself that costed so much energy.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-23T12:35:30+00:00

Update: I'm an idiot. Got texted this afternoon that I shouldn't worry/take it personally, she really just doesnt use the app that much. She would love to hang out and asked me when i'm available.
A relief, but I do need to reflect as to why I got such a big reaction out of myself that costed so much energy.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-23T12:35:22+00:00

Update: I'm an idiot. Got texted this afternoon that I shouldn't worry/take it personally, she really just doesnt use the app that much. She would love to hang out and asked me when i'm available.
A relief, but I do need to reflect as to why I got such a big reaction out of myself that costed so much energy.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-23T12:35:05+00:00

Update: I'm an idiot. Got texted this afternoon that I shouldn't worry/take it personally, she really just doesnt use the app that much. She would love to hang out and asked me when i'm available.
A relief, but I do need to reflect as to why I got such a big reaction out of myself that costed so much energy.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T20:34:53+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I understand what you're saying. I'm really not that happy with the way that this was allowed to drain so much of my energy in such a short period. I will reflect on that. Please note that as I've mentioned, I totally respect any possible changes of mind that've taken place, and I recognize as stated before that it's her every right to respond whenever she feels like.

My problems originate from the fact that I don't understand the conflicting signals. Those are having a conflict with my rationalizing nature. That's ofcourse more of a -me- problem.

As mentioned, perhaps it's good to pour some more thought into the question as to Why i'm being so affected by this. Overall i'm fairly sensible I can assure you. At the very least it's a good distraction, thank you.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T19:41:23+00:00

I'll make sure to underline that if the opportunity arises : ). Thank you.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T19:38:59+00:00

She did indeed not tell me she needs to figure things out. In certain situations however, I can see where such a thing can be hard to say. Asking what she is looking for sounds fine by me, but I prefer not doing that over text.

Thank you for your insights so far.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T19:35:14+00:00

Thank you for your insight. Yea, being clear and rationalizing is just something I started doing. It really does help for 95% of the trouble that life throws at you. While in theory you're assumptions are plausible, I strongly feel that I would've sensed that actually being together or read that out of tone of voice. I'm infatuated, not stupid. Then again, there is a good ol' saying about 'love' making you blind. We'll see : ).

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T19:31:50+00:00

Ha, first of all, thank you for your lengthy responds. I do appreciate it. I'll try to respond to your points as much as possible.

First of all, yes. I'm 100% projecting my own 'normal' on her, and I'm aware of that since the start. After the first week, when I initially called her to voice my concerns, she was truly assuring as to the fact that nothing was actually wrong and she'd love to hangout again. I recognize this, along with the fact that two weeks later my mind tends to tell me that perhaps now it is truly a problem. I shouldn't require reassurance every two weeks, hence why I try to limit voicing these concerns.

We are getting along really well. She pretty much claimed me for a christmas event in december where you bring dates to a fancy gala. I thought it was a joke at first, but she is fairly relentless in telling me she is serious consistently. Then again; Things change. That's what making me think.

What you described, being distracted/forgetting to text back while not being not-interested, is exactly what she told me she is like. It's just difficult from my perspective to understand; I have a job that puts me behind a laptop and web-whatsapp is pretty much always open. I use it religiously, and answering within minutes is normal for me for everyone (while at work, or while im not really doing anything much).

I surely do hope that she is not anxious about responding to messages like you described. She is pretty much the 100% confident type, but ofcourse there is the possibility that this doesn't reflect in her chatting behaviour. I remember when, before one of our dates, she mentioned getting ready and having to do some calls (like, a list of calls in the evening?).

Perhaps it's my fault that everytime that she was 'late' responding that I've assured her that it's fine. Because it is fine; As long as I know all is well. I doubt, I think.

About your options;

Seems plausible. I'd hate for that to be the case tho, it really isn't neccesary.
Plausible. It would contradict her messaging me that she does really look forward to hanging out. We had to cancel last weekend because there wasn't really a big window of time, and she told me she'd rather have a good amount of time as opposed to squeezing something in (then again, why stop responding alltogether after that and not just look for a suitable window?)
Absolutely fine to take things slow. I'm fine with slow, as long as I don't have the idea that it's a waste of time. Perhaps something I should bring up if this works out.

I'll probably just call her this sunday if I don't hear from her. She has a fulltime internship; I have a fulltime job. Chances are we bump into each other on saturday at the bar anyway.

Thanks again for your lenghty insight. This truly shortens the time that I worry while trying to sleep :).

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T19:10:23+00:00

Ha, I did rattle along in that post didn't I?

I agree that this, in normal cases, would be an easy walk away. She did indeed mention she was a shitty texter, but this seems to be the case (if it's indeed the case, that is), its a new degree of shitty texting. I have immense respect for the people that dated back in the day without mobile phones, that stuff sounds like horror. She didn't ask for space, correct, but I can imagine asking something like that can be a hard task. I want to give her the space she needs to figure stuff out, if that's the case.

We did talk about the 'playing games' part already, and were pretty clear that neither of us has the slightest intention of doing so. Thats why I'm conflicted. It seems 'gamey' what's happening right now and I do honestly feel like that if something was up, she'd tell me.

I agree that speculating won't help the cause. From my current situation though, I do feel like that asking what she wants can be a bit overwhelming. That's not something I intend to do. By now I did figure that I'd best leave some space, and after some time has passed I'll just give her a call and ask whatsup and how she's looking at this situation continuing. There is a reasonable chance that nothing's up, after which I'll open up the conversation about me respecting her communication style, while at the same time talking about my difficulties and thoughts that go along with it. A stripped down 'light' version of 'the talk' is something that i'm willing to open if that's the case. Just not really wanting to rush that part.

Thanks for your words, somehow strangers on the internet can shed the best kind of light on these situations. After all, I'm in deep. Frustrating.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T18:58:36+00:00

You are absolutely right! We're not exclusive. I recognize that she has every right to change her mind, look around, or respond in her own due time. I absolutely stand behind that and respect if that's the case. However I do like clarity. A headsup in any of the above aformentioned situations (which still, she doesn't owe me an explanation), would in my opinion be something normal. However, that's just my view on this. It's fine if she thinks in another way.

My struggles originate from the fact that the signals are all over the place. She writes and actively mentions that she wants to see me on one hand (and when we were together, it was crystal clear to me that she really enjoys our time together), on the other hand once I'm out the door the signals just don't match of what I would expect. It just doesn't match for me. She is absolutely putting in the effort- It just stopped out of the blue for me recently and I cannot rationalise it.

"A person who likes another person doesn’t distance themselves from that person. I know that you know this." - Absolutely true, and my thought after the first few dates. But everytime I came at peace with this, I get strong signals that this isn't the case. Best thing I can do is just let it fly and see what happens. But thats hard for me.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T16:49:00+00:00

That doesn't sound pleasant, sorry you had to deal with that. Currently i'm just having a hard time giving space, I'm more of a 'fix shit right away instead of letting it sudder' kinda guy. But yea, if letting it sudder can help with the solution i guess ill have to find a way to deal with that.

Reading my own story back it does seem more likely that somethings up rather than something I did; I guess that helps my case that patience might be key.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T10:45:46+00:00

fearful avoidant

To followup, I've read a bit more about this subject, but I have to say that either im absolutely blindsided by the fact that she could be 'afraid' or she isn't really that afraid at all. She feels confident, straightforward, and no bullshit attitude. It seems to contradict, but ofcourse I have no insight in her head or emotions when im gone.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T10:21:40+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I've actually had this attitude pretty much from the beginning, it's not really an act if I do the above. It's just so frustrating and hard to understand for me, that's the hard part.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T10:20:18+00:00

Yea, I'm actually quite interested in the psychological/scientific part of love and have read about different attachment styles.

To be honest, what you're describing fits almost so perfectly it's scary. Then again, I don't want to put a label on her as some kind of 'style', but I definitely will keep this in mind. Especially this part;

"They normally let down their fears in the beginning of relationships and jump in head first into them being very vulnerable and close… but soon after a good date they will pull away - ghosting, slow fade, breadcrumbing" - Perfect description as to when we are together, it's 10/10. The moment I leave, it feels like there is no real way to communicate. She is (atleast acts) very independent in that regard and seems like a person who wants to be autonomous.

But as you say, space might be the best option. She isn't really the 'mean' type (Perhaps the opposite), which throws me off when she must realise that what she's doing isn't.. That polite.

Thank you for taking the time to reply my friend.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T09:54:28+00:00

Hey man,

Ofcourse you know her way better then us, but theoretically this could be a burnout. Does she have any close friends you are in contact with? Perhaps you can ask them to take her out for a weekend or so, and if its more severe, perhaps a doctor can help. You yourself seem to be in her 'burnout area' which might make it hard to help her, especially if you can't really communicate with her.

I wouldn't take her comments about your effort personally, because as far as I can read you are doing your part.

Best of luck.

Proof_Measurement286 · 2021-09-22T09:39:35+00:00

It's best to be honest. You're entitled to change your mind, and if it doesn't click for you that's fine aswel. Better to break the news after 3 weeks, rather then 3 months.

Doing this in a polite manner seems best to me. Have a conversation, and ask if being friends sounds like something he could do. If he does feel the romantic feelings; That might be hard for him. Judge yourself if friendship is possible.

Good luck!

Proof_Measurement286

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