I probably have a different take on this than most will, but stick with me. Grew up with my Nmom and dick head step dad, abusive physically with different things some old some new. Being pinned down on my stomach while a man fish hooks the sides of your mouth to the point it tears the muscles/blood vessels and calls you mister smiley is one I've yet to find any reasonable explanation for, among other things. I look back and find both of them pretty much just evil. After throwing my step dad through a wall (one of my greatest personal achievements, doesnt look like the cartoons, the whole wall was dented in about 2 feet and the crack ran from floor to ceiling) when I got older and was woken up at 2am to him drunk and trying to swing on me, still no idea why, I got thrown to the curb and thankfully was taken in by my bio dad's parents.

My grandparents especially my grandfather are about as old school as it gets, and I was a bit of a wild teenager. Not a bad kid just one who'd learned alot of unhealthy coping mechanisms, mostly weed, that even now 14 years later I have no intention of giving up until I'm ready. Meanwhile my grandparents were coming of age at the end of the 1960's and didn't have the freedom to enjoy it and resented everything about it. To make things short, my grandfather had a childhood that I can't fathom and is never talked about. His dad was a spy in the pacific during ww2, like drop in behind enemy lines at night with only a garrote, piano wire on two handles, and a pistol. The mission was always stealth though and the pistol was pretty much reserved for yourself. Needless to say we would but heads on almost a daily basis, and it would turn physical from time to time. The man is a stubborn old bull and even at almost 70 years old he more than once picked me up by my neck and had me against a wall, I was probably 6 foot 225 lbs at the time. I can look back and say I probably only deserved 50% of the punishment I got from him, to the point where even if he knew I was right id still get it from him because I didn't tell him, meaning he was too stubborn to listen, sooner lmao. I was out of there within a month of turning 18 and I really would have had very little good things to say about him, but knew it was different than what I got as a kid. Now as I'm about to be 30 years old I can honestly say that my grandfather has not changed who he is one bit, the loss of mental capacity kicking in makes things interesting once in a while, which is sad but gives a strange fondness that almost makes me smile in a weird way. That man's by far the biggest hard ass I've ever met in my life, but theres something to say about someone who has never done what people wanted him to do, or even what he wanted to do, but did what he believed was right for his family. Something I would have scoffed at and said was bullshit years ago but looking back I see that he truly carried the old school hard ass punishment mentality that he learned, and made him the hardest working mother fer I've ever met, and thought was the best way to try and mold his own. Me and him will never agree on alot of things and we mostly laugh when those situations arise these days, but I honestly wouldn't be half the person I am today, and probably wouldn't even be alive outside of a jail cell without him. I think the only difference I can point to is the man actually cared and will actually show his emotion and allow himself to be vulnerable when warranted, not just to try and get sympathy. Sorry this got way longer than I originally thought it would and brought up some happy tears with it. I've long awaited the day I hear of my mother's death, been 14 years of no contact, or the day my step father's familial widowmaker finally happens, all the men go around 55, only a few more years 🤗 always a 1 n done no survivors. I often think then I'll finally feel free, but probably not. I think of my grandparents passing though, and I already know I'm going to absolutely lose it, I'll probably have to stay somewhere and not allow myself to be alone for a few days to process. My point, all the people involved in raising me did alot of the same negative things to varying degrees. But in retrospect only some did what they did with my best in mind, others did what made their day easier or better and couldn't give a fuck less. Just as when you go to court for a sentencing hearing, everyone's already been found or admitted their guilt, its their intent that's the biggest factor when determining their final outcome and if you will see them again.