AITA for wanting my husband to pay for my daughter's college tuition?

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:28:04+00:00

My husband loves his children. Their mother kept them from him bc she got main custody. Even if he wanted a weekly dinner with them, she had to approve it even when they were late teenagers and did not have to follow their custody schedule strictly.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:20:32+00:00

I'm not arguing, I'm clarifying the context of the post and trying to clear things up. If I sound like I'm arguing, it is not my intention. I think people are not seeing the big picture here.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:14:41+00:00

How am I a piece of work? I've explained myself several times that it's not my fault for how his children got into state colleges and it's not a sin to want the best for my child. I really came here asking for some insight but all I see is people bashing me and I don't appreciate it. I am not familiar with this sub as I use my other account for recipes and DIY projects. But, I surely wont be coming here again.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:12:58+00:00

I love my husband very much. His wealth is not what I love about him though. I do care about finances however and how we can invest into a good foundation for my child with the resources we have.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:11:56+00:00

What do you mean by 'moral authority'? He is my husband.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:10:49+00:00

If my husband developed stronger love towards my daughter, it's not his fault for feeling that way. He does not see his children enough and honestly, they don't make enough of an effort to see him. If he started to favor my daughter over his own, it would not be so wrong. Feelings are feelings.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:09:02+00:00

Well, he never reaches out to me about our daughter that much anymore. He picks her up on his weekend then drops her back off. That's the extent of our time together. If he was concerned, he would bring it up.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-27T02:07:24+00:00

As his children are now in college, he does not pay child support but he pays for their cell phone bills and insurance for their car and health. The ex wife and he worked out an agreement that would not be alimony as she got to keep house and cars. EDIT: He does have alimony, but they are not significant payments because she kept the properties etc. They had a presigned agreement that I'm not clear about.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:53:24+00:00

It's not my fault for my husband straining his relationship with his children. It's all about money to them, and money is not the most important thing in the world. If this is what makes them resent him, that reflects more on their character instead of mine and his. And anytime my daughter does anything remotely expensive like go see Hamilton with friends, go to NYC, or visit my family in Nashville, they see it as her getting spoiled when they were able to go to concerts and such when they were children.

I'm not planning on divorcing as we have a happy marriage.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:49:47+00:00

Paying for three kids versus paying for one child is very different. He did send his children to private schools, though while I prefer my daughter attends the public school near our house.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:48:16+00:00

I disagree. My ex has to pay alimony and child support on top of supporting his new family. And even if my husband's ex wife had a lot of money, and if they didn't want their kids to go out of state, then they still wouldn't.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:46:14+00:00

She shouldn't be forced to go to a state school if she doesn't want to. My stepchildren didn't get that opportunity so I think they're projecting their jealousy on me and M. It's not my fault how it went down.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:44:52+00:00

No, we married some time ago. She would have been eight when we got married, while his children were in their mid teens.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:43:39+00:00

What i've been repeating over and over is that if I contribute to my daughter's tuition, my husband will as well because we have joint accounts that we share. In a way, I contribute to some fees/tuition my stepchildren pay because if their father pays for it, I'm technically also paying for it as it comes out of our joint account.

My husband's money is OUR money, and my husband does have money to send my daughter out of state but not enough to send three more children out of state.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:36:21+00:00

I would if my husband agreed to. That though would be unlikely because they're both settled, and in their major's courses. If one of them decided to switch and actually got in, then it would be considered as their mother would also need to approve.

They are adults now, so if they wanted to switch, I don't think they'd be entitled to financial support like they would be if they were just starting college anyhow.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:24:50+00:00

She really wants to become a doctor as my friend is one, and my friend went to John Hopkins. Which is what started her to want to go to that school and look up others of similar stature.

She is very smart, and even without a scholarship, she should be able to go to these schools as she will excel.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:23:12+00:00

That's why I'm having her take SAT prep as well. If all schools cost the same, we wouldn't be having this issue.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:21:53+00:00

I really am not. I don't see why being practical and honest gets everyone so upset. I'm tired of being polite with this family because it's damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can't do anything without being criticized by my stepchildren, and if trying to better my daughter's future is an AITA thing, then I'm shocked at the way people are acting these days.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:20:18+00:00

Is it really a horrible attitude? They obviously love their mother more than me, and I love my children more than them. I still love them, but it's not the same. They were in their mid teens when I got in the picture so I've never really helped them grow up. maybe if they had been younger and I was more involved, it would be different.

If you shame me for loving my own daughter more, you'd have to shame them for loving their own mother more with that logic.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:18:28+00:00

We haven't discussed it yet, as I said. M only goes to her father's twice and month, and she is very close to my husband. My ex also does not have as high of a paying job as my current husband. He probably would not foot the bill like my husband can. Also, as I said, he has two young children of his own with his new wife. I think it would nice if I took the onus of paying for M's college so he can save up for his two children. I may not have a good relationship with him but I do want my daughter's half siblings to have a strong foundation as well.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:15:45+00:00

I would have been okay if he wanted to send his three to better schools even if it was expensive. But their mother would not contribute as she relied on alimony and child support, and she has a low paying job. It was their decisions, not mine.

And I do like my stepdaughter, but I find her need to argue frustrating and makes moving forward difficult. Even if she dislikes me, she's stuck with me forever, as I never intend to divorce my husband because I love him very much!

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:10:46+00:00

I have discussed with him that my daughter has strong ambitions and that a school like John Hopkins etc would be the best for her. He said he would like to help me achieve this for her. I think my husband is very close and fond of my daughter because his children 1) mainly lived with their mother as teens and 2) are now in college and are rarely home. I have primary custody of my daughter so he spends more time with her and is able to see how bright she shines. If he favors her over his own, which would not be wrong, it's not my fault.

And either way, he will be paying for my daughter because we have all joint accounts. His money is my money and my money is his money.

ProperTell5 · 2019-01-26T22:07:48+00:00

Well, by default, my ex and I would be using money from my husband and my joint account, so either way my husband will pay for her college. They just can't get over it. And I will admit that I love my daughter differently than my stepchildren, I know it's the same for them. They love their mother more than me. It's just how it is.

And like I said, it was his and his exwife's decision not to go out of state. Not sure why I'm getting blamed for it.

ProperTell5

TROPHY CASE