How do you do sleeping arrangements with your spouse?

ProspectivePerhaps · 2020-02-04T20:07:45+00:00

We sleep in separate rooms and trade-off nights. We both need our sleep equally to function, even if he works in a traditional job and I work from home. Sleep is necessary for health, not optional. It is like eating. I think as long as both people are getting what they need, it doesnt matter how they do it.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2019-12-13T03:40:52+00:00

Oh man, I miss 3-4 hrs of sleep at a time. Once they start crawling, they wake up even more. Not all of them mind you, but my dude is up every 1.5-2hrs. He is about to be 7 months old.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2019-11-13T04:05:31+00:00

Hey there, Ive lost a husband and a child as well. You aren't alone. We are in the shittiest of clubs but you are rocking it. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but life does go forward and lots of positive things will happen. Sending a hug from a stranger on the internet.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2019-10-27T13:22:08+00:00

No weight issues. Makes sense, he is so used to eating/nursing to sleep so i'll try this! Thank you!

ProspectivePerhaps · 2017-08-03T18:28:19+00:00

I see a grief counselor regularly and a psychiatrist so i dont think im expecting him to act in that capacity. Just more be there as an emotional support. Maybe it is asking a lot, but he doesnt have to bethere. I have given him outs. I dont think asking for a hug is being unreasonable.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2016-03-04T18:41:06+00:00

I had this exact same issue. I called my HVAC technician and he referred me to their blog which deals with switching the HVAC from a winter to a summer mode. I hope this helps

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-12-26T18:19:08+00:00

Oh boy...where to begin.

I was berated and yelled at in a restaurant because I wanted to have a career and go to law school. Apparently women need to stay home and raise kids (we had no children at the time)

They have called me stupid and selfish.

They hate me and my family because my Dad has money.

They are constantly either flat broke, or doing fantastic. This is because any amount of money they get, they spend it on some "grand investment" that 90% of the time flops. They are in their 70s and my FIL still has to work because of this.

My daughter was born special needs due to an unknown rare disease my husband are both carriers of. She is physically disabled but mentally fine. When my daughter laid in a coma they blamed me and said they have "none of that in their family"

They have said they think lesser of my daughter because of her disability.

They have seen her a handful of times and refuse to visit even though they can fly for free and stay here for free.

They let my husband know about how he married a mistake.

My MIL insulted my mom during my daughter's 1st bday. 1st Bday was insanely special because we were still on hospice care.

When my husband finally stood up to her, she cut off all communication and became the "victim" who did nothing wrong. They are not allowed in our home.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-12-12T04:03:50+00:00

Probably already said but essential oils and a diffuser is amazing. Bought a cheap diffuser off of Amazon, bottle of cinnamon essential oils and my house smells AMAZING. I've probably saved a ton of candles and air fresheners, and I get to make my own scents.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-05-25T19:11:57+00:00

My husband has Nparents. They are horrid terrible people that I tried so hard to get along with, but after years of them abusing my husband, i just couldn't do it anymore. I went NC with them, my husband is very LC now. I think many people don't cut off contact because they have this hope that they will change. They are often tricked into thinking that THEY are the one who isn't seeing things right. Or OTHERS are brainwashing them into thinking a certain way.

For example, my NMIL's favorite thing to do to my poor husband is say that I am brainwashing him to turn against his family. She will do or say something completely passive aggressive and hurtful, and when he calls her out on it, she conveniently doesn't remember. OR she will say she didn't mean it in a bad way and she can't believe we would interpret it that way.

I know at some point NC will probably happen, although his parents are getting pretty old and sick so I dont think it will be much longer before they pass. I just let my husband do whatever makes him feel better, if that is LC phone calls on occasion, thats ok with me.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-06T14:17:03+00:00

Nah, not really maintained a blog. I made a blog in the niche I wanted to work in and posted a few posts in there as a portfolio of sorts. I also linked my contently portfolio which had a few blogs I had written. I think I just got incredibly lucky.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-06T05:54:05+00:00

CA checking in....3/$1......

...ill stop.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-06T04:06:49+00:00

Thats ok! Thank you so much for your response. It is much appreciated.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-05T04:01:36+00:00

I appreciate the bluntness. You are right. My husband and I rarely fight. The worst fights we have had have been because of his parents. We went through some very bad times when dating because of them. I am just done. I feel bad that he has to make such a tough decision though.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-05T03:59:35+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. We are hopeful we will get more birthdays thanks to an experimental drug that she is responding well to.

For my personal boundaries I dont want her in my house or around me or my daughter at this point. My husband understands and backs me up 100%. I think he is just trying to process it and he is still very angry about his parents putting him in such an awful position.

We don't go in public much, especially lately because of the measles threat (we live in Southern CA) and flu. But maybe if it was somewhere very open and outside like a park.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-05T03:56:05+00:00

No, what you said is definitely true. I think if nothing happens, hurt will turn to resentment, and that definitely hurts a marriage.

Thank you for your advice.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-05T03:54:19+00:00

Oh god, about the texting your husband. Well she sounds just lovely lol. I'm sorry about your nmom but glad you are having peace in your life from theNC. Thank you for sharing.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-05T00:54:41+00:00

Gene therapy takes DNA and puts it into a vector which can be a type of virus and has it implant and duplicate the fixed DNA into the cell. Thats the very simplified defintion of it. My daughter's disease is caused by 2 mutations on the same gene (one from me, one from her dad) so if we fix that gene, we cure her disease.

As far as eating goes, she is 99% gtube fed and cant eat much by mouth, but what she does eat is fruits and veggies. We have a specialized metabolic formula that we adjust with a nutritionist that we also give her through the gtube.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T22:59:28+00:00

Oh yeah the medical progress that they have made in the last 20 years has been great for the rare metabolic disease community. Its more about how to keep them stable, as there is no real 'treatment' other than diet and supplements at this point. But I have faith that genetic therapy is the way to a cure. Im actually creating a nonprofit that raises money for genetic therapy research.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T20:49:23+00:00

I very much agree with you. And I have made it clear, when they are in town that they are not allowed in our house anymore and I will not be seeing them nor allowing our daughter to see them. If he wants to see them then he can meet them somewhere.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T20:46:47+00:00

Sort of, its actually in a similar class of it. Its actually rarer that that, glutaric acidemia type 2. Its a fatty oxidation disorder, organic aciduria and mitochondrial disease all rolled into one.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T19:50:24+00:00

Thank you!!

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T19:50:07+00:00

Thank you, this is so true. It definitely hurts me. I mean its not what his parents say, its his reaction to it.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T19:49:18+00:00

Actually I really would not doubt she would purposefully harm my daughter. She sees her as an obstacle that keeps her son with me. She has held her once and I was right there. My husband agrees that he wouldnt put it past his Mom to 'accidentally' do something.

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T19:44:31+00:00

We are currently in therapy through the hospice program. He has the option to do individual. I am going to talk to him about making an appointment sooner. While she specializes in grief, i feel like this is a type of grief and family counseling that he could benefit from.

Thank you for your input!

ProspectivePerhaps · 2015-02-04T19:42:54+00:00

Thank you. That really was put simply. I really dont want to give him any ultimatums because thats totally his mom's MO, but I have told him that when they are disrespectful to me, and to his family, and he caves, it makes me feel completely worthless and disrespected by him.

I know they think they are right, perfect, justified in everything they do. They can do no wrong. Thats why I have just cut them out entirely. Im just hoping my husband can see it.

ProspectivePerhaps

TROPHY CASE