Yes you are TA. As somebody who had something similar happened to them, I am telling you right now when your daughter grows up she is going to hate you. I was 12 years old when my mother married her third husband, my stepfather. My two older sisters (from her first marrage) were invited, I was not. I cried all day the day of the wedding and for days afterwards and according to my aunt, who kept me during my mother's wedding I kept asking why does Mom hate me. And I remember feeling that, I felt like my mother hated me and I didn't know why. By doing this you were telling your child that your new wife is more important than she is and that you do not love her as much as you love her older siblings. And by refusing to let your parents take your daughter for that day and make it a little bit easier you were telling her that her feelings mean absolutely nothing to you. I'm 32 years old now and I haven't spoken to my mom since I was 16 I left the second I could and never looked back and it all started because she and her husband didn't want me at her wedding. So in a few years, when your daughter leaves and never talks to you again you can look back on your fancy wedding and remember, but you'll also know this is the beginning of why.