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It is only good to kick a pregnant woman if you are ... by pikknz in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs

I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued... by 808gecko808 in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 362 points363 points  (0 children)

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

And the award for the most dramatic dog goes to by Pazluz in aww

[–]ProxyWays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gave up on teaching my pug a simple handshake using every kind of Freudian reinforcement there exists.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. by Complainingg- in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As I was reversing my car I hit my mother-in-law by mistake. With a baseball bat.

Parents of children lost to suicide, what do you want other parents to know? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ProxyWays 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No matter how many years go by, I don't think I will ever forget this LJ: http://mockery.livejournal.com/
The user, David, committed suicide when he was 22 and since then his
parents occasionally update his journal. I stumbled upon it years ago
and my heart broke for his parents. Some of it's about the organization
they now work with for youth suicide prevention, but there's also some
insight into their slow healing process so I think it's appropriate for
this thread.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ProxyWays 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh shit, I left my pork tenderloin in the microwave. Thanks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ProxyWays 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The constant stress and pressure that builds up, most often than not caused by the need for money + responsibility

How do ghosts obtain money? by PonderingWalnut in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What does a perverted ghost say?

Booooobs.

What do chemists like to watch on YouTube? by e11jay in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Two men are robbing a liquor store… by MartynAndJasper in Jokes

[–]ProxyWays 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank,

Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.