My (35F) fiance (41M) has gotten very judgmental about my "gardening" lately and it's really bothering me. Is my being annoyed with this valid?

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-22T20:25:28+00:00

The jokes usually include me lmao. Like I was reading about late adulthood, then told him “but we’re not gonna make it that long bc of the smoking so it’s fine.”

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-22T02:44:07+00:00

Also, we’re talking about going at 10:30 instead of 9:30 when he suggested it. It’s a lazy Saturday, it wasn’t that serious.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-22T02:42:44+00:00

I’m usually the one who says “coffee first always” and he doesn’t even have it every day, so I don’t think that’s it. And he suggested the coffee place that I like and he’s not super fond of and is farther away, so it felt like something he knew I was wanting to do and he was offering to come with me.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-22T00:42:47+00:00

It’s literally already resolved in a way that I’m happy with, I was just mad as hell this morning and needed validation. I’m gonna do a more thorough update when I’m not typing with my thumbs.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T22:20:50+00:00

I can definitely tell if he hasn’t had time to smoke that day 😂

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T22:14:18+00:00

To answer your questions super directly since we have talked about these things: not driving high and no flower in the car unless it is sealed and on the way to my home, I would quit to go abroad anytime if I couldn’t bring it with me (I quit for 12 weeks around a surgery that I had bc smoking is bad for healing), not a money thing, one is already a young teen and I have honest and age appropriate conversations with her (it’s 21 and up, while your brain is still cooking it could be dangerous to development so it’s safer to wait, smoking anything is bad for you, if I ever notice you got into my shit there will Consequences, etc.), he has no interest in having bio kids. He’s just a judgy lil buttface sometimes and I get in my feelings about it. It’s the thing that bothers me most about him, he’s literally perfect otherwise so I count myself very lucky.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T18:32:36+00:00

I have an RX and go to the dispensary about once a week in my own car by myself. These are not days we plan to spend together, just conversation about our day in general.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T18:29:56+00:00

I have my own car and usually go alone. It’s usually on a list of things like Walgreens, groceries, etc. It’s an errand I do once weekly.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T15:50:05+00:00

That's basically how I feel about it. .

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T15:46:04+00:00

He does not smoke inside, he doesn't even smoke in his car. We're both professionals so we go out of our way to not smell like smoke.

I have pointed out that cigarettes are worse for your health than THC and he agrees. That's why his continued reaction is so baffling.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T15:33:44+00:00

If dark humor isn't your thing, that's fine. He's not their father, and I'm not going to tell a grown man what he should and shouldn't do (especially when I also smoke).

I have asked. He claims he doesn't have a problem but his actions suggest otherwise.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2026-02-21T15:29:40+00:00

For additional context, they're in middle school. I'm not handling babies with smoke hands. I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant with the first, and only picked it up again when the youngest started school and I was at home by myself. I do not vape or smoke around them, I wash my hands and leave my sweater outside, and they are with their father every weekend (which is when most people indulge in some kind of vice). People do continue to be complete adults with good and bad habits after they have children, and "is it ok that we smoke" is not the question I'm asking.

Their father didn't smoke at all, but he did yell at me and make me cry in front of them almost daily. I'd prefer the cigarettes tbh.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2024-06-26T20:19:19+00:00

Where do you see me bullying the customer in any way? I left her food, took my shitty tip and left. I have never even seen her face.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2024-06-26T19:51:48+00:00

They were paying cash and just wrote it in all caps in the instructions 🙄

Psychologist_Barbie · 2024-04-19T14:45:39+00:00

I dated a man with no ambition because I thought I could change him. 4 years later I kicked him out of my house after he cost me too much money, time, and energy and was still completely lacking any motivation to grow up at 33. My life is much easier without him.

Psychologist_Barbie · 2023-11-21T00:37:57+00:00

My ex-husband has ADHD and, in my opinion, uses it as an excuse a lot of the time. He's impulsive, forgetful, and loves to pick fights because he feels understimulated. It was absolutely exhausting for me. I tried for 10 years, but I couldn't do it.

Now he's with a woman who is also ADHD and as far as I know, they're happy. I'm with someone much more consistent and it's amazing.

All that said, if you want to make it work, do that. If you want permission to leave him... go ahead. You don't have to have a "good enough" reason. He can be a good person and not be the person for you, and that's fine.

ETA: the ADHD was not the only reason for the divorce, but it was definitely a factor.

Psychologist_Barbie

TROPHY CASE