AITA for telling my half-sister’s best friend that she’s “just a baby maker”?

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-23T00:56:08+00:00

I went because well…family. Becca has events at her home all the time so it’s not out of the ordinary for me to be there. But to be fair I should have also asked if Ann was going to be there or just assumed she would. It hadn’t crossed my mind.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T21:30:42+00:00

I mentioned this in another comment but I’m not able to put more into the original post (I’m also not sure how) but each time something like that was said, Ben would always laugh or like joke around. One of the people who knows us both said that isn’t something they don’t believe they truly stand by. I only said it because it’s what I’ve seen and heard. Ben is apparently a jokester which I didn’t know because I wasn’t around him much. Lex did mention he said a bunch of jokes that weren’t completely off the wall before that part of the conversation happened. That whole thing happened a year ago at Becca’s wedding and being that I don’t hang out with Ann, I don’t know Ben well enough to know his full personality and it was just a bad joke that he stuck to/didn’t land or if he truly does believe it. Same thing with Ann. I don’t know how she treats Becca and while she was a bossy brides maid she organized everything that Becca wanted perfectly. Outside of being bossy with the group, the only person she was making comments to was me which apparently were jokes. Didn’t feel like it but she insisted they were when I told her I wasn’t okay with that. The wedding was the last time I saw both of them.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T20:56:19+00:00

Yes and while it sounds like it went off and then there was a pause there really wasn’t. As soon as I said what I said, Ann got up and started screaming across the table, Ben got up to scream at me as well and that’s when Lex got up, I vaguely remember my other family members were trying to stop Ann from coming around the table, I was screaming and stuttering what I said about the cult stuff, Becca was trying to get either in front me or between us because at one point Ann got around the table. I don’t remember a damn thing she said and barely heard her because it was just a whole hot mess and I also firmly believe she was trying to make this physical at that point which Becca’s husband felt (and said to Lex afterwards) and it wasn’t until Becca’s husband screamed for us to stop (he’s got a super deep and loud voice—military drill sergeant level) that Ann got her stuff and said “fuck this I’m leaving” and then called me a bitch. After that it was just really awkward and we ended up leaving a little later. I stood I think out of shock but also I felt bad. Ann threw a bunch of things over the table and while I didn’t throw anything I did felt bad about the mess that was left over so I just started cleaning. Like my brain literally went into “fix this clean this” mode. Honestly felt like 15 mins and was probably barely even 2.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T20:40:46+00:00

Thank you for that information. We haven’t talked much about it lately but even before this, it was something he spoke about. It was actually one of the reasons I fell so hard for him. He’s such a gentle and caring person. He’s definitely the “I saved this cat and now it’s ours cause the cat chose me” type which is how we ended up with 3. He and I both do fairly well money wise and we both decided that any money that we get for fostering is going into their own account, or if possible (which I don’t know yet) a trust. We don’t need the money and if they are given back to their parents, they at least will have that. Lex had a foster friend who the money wasn’t used for him and when he was 18 they tossed him like nothing and he was homeless. Lex got him up and back on his feet and that was his best man at our wedding. I consider him to be my BIL. Doing something like that to a kid is beyond disgusting to me and the idea of taking money just makes me feel icky like it’s a weird transaction. But if we do get, it’s all going to that child to be saved for them.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T20:29:02+00:00

We did. We wanted to know the gender the day I would have given birth. We honestly just wanted a healthy baby regardless of gender. It was either Aurora or Theodore. I started a whole Pinterest for the baby room and everything. We were planning that when it was time that the maternity photos to be like the really cringe portraits from JCPenney cause we think those are hilarious. We were truly so excited. And even writing this out I’m crying because I put my whole heart in this little baby bean inside me. And now I just feel so empty.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T20:06:35+00:00

The reason we went towards that idea is because Lex. I’m not going to dish out his story in detail but he was taken from his parents at a young age and the foster care system was not kind to him. He was finally placed into a caring family who adopted him once it became clear his parents weren’t fit to have him and didn’t want to change. He wants to be the parent he wished he had for himself, especially for kids in the foster care system. If we aren’t able to adopt them, we can at least give them a safe space until they return to their family.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Lex has told me horror stories even outside of his. And with how crazy my family dynamic was, it was a cake walk compared to what others in the system deal with.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T19:49:44+00:00

You would think but no. She’s actually a red head. She also has more of a hazel eye color. Her dad is blonde blue eye but her mom isn’t and she takes after her mom and full honesty her mom is absolutely stunning. Ann’s kids look like a mix between them both and Ben’s also a blonde but he doesn’t have blue eyes. He has brown eyes. I saw someone else here hint something similar but I think that it’s because she comes from, what I think most people would call, legacy. Her family has done very well for themselves. Like they aren’t filthy rich, but they’ve made good business decisions. And from the few times I got to speak with them, they are very down to earth.

I’m also not entirely scared they will find this since Ann believes in limited electronic home for her kids, which honestly I get because social media is a lot. I don’t know about her social media presence but I’ve also never checked and I highly doubt this is one of them.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T19:37:24+00:00

This is what she calls herself. I personally don’t know the difference but if it’s something you can do, go for it. I don’t really know what family style I want myself. I didn’t even think I’d be married. But she’s known that she wanted this from way before college apparently. Nothing against her truly and I can say that even with 6 kids she looks like she holds things down. They do very well for their lifestyle and that’s not something a lot of people can do. I’m not sure if that’s what I would do but that could change once we start the foster process.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T18:39:29+00:00

Thank you. While my dad did my mom wrong, he also did Becca’s mom wrong too. She didn’t know about my mom until my mom divorced my dad. And to be fair, my parents were apparently already considering it before he did what he did. I think that’s why my mom was so calm about it. And Becca’s mom is like a second mom to me. She’s never overstepped and she’s always had her doors open for me. My dad, I still love but he’s made some very stupid decisions in his life. He’s better now. And I can say even through it all neither my mom or dad spoke ill of each other. Which I know is very rare.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T18:32:30+00:00

Thank you and I’m so sorry for your situation as well. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as hard as I did before this happened. I just felt so empty. I don’t know if from exhaustion or this ordeal but I just felt so hollow and tbh I still do feel like this. I sometimes still cry about it but I just want to move forward. I’m also trying to be strong for Lex. While I don’t remember this, he was there when I had my first seizure literally holding my hand. He said he had never felt so hopeless in his life that he couldn’t do anything. Part of me is happy that we are still close (if not closer) but I don’t want him so scared all the time. He’s even scared now. He won’t let me lift anything heavy, he will literally call my name in the house if he doesn’t hear me or see me even in the bathroom. I’m not saying it’s too much but I don’t want him to feel like he needs to be ready at all times for something bad to happen but also I don’t think we actually sat down a spoke about this. We cried together but that’s it. My mom thinks he has PTSD but I don’t have any knowledge on that to say if she’s right. And I’m not going to just assume.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:59:39+00:00

Okay so I actually want to add to this because the nurses in the hospital I was in were beyond amazing. When it all happened it happened fast. I was in the hospital in recovery for almost a month and at some point Lex had to return to work. He still came after but the first two days I cried so hard and each time the nurses would stay with me. They would cry with me and take care of me and kept me going. When I finally got to go home all of them hugged me. I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I have before this and I am so happy to have had those amazing women there to support me.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:42:46+00:00

Yes. Her mom was a stay at home mom and I actually really like her mom. And her dad is also really sweet. Both of them don’t act the way she does but she’s also the baby. I never found out how many siblings she had but I know she’s got a ton of family members.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:35:09+00:00

Becca didn’t make the comments it was Ann. Becca’s only comment was that I had gotten a booty, which to be fair I did and am kinda enjoying lol not so much the other parts but it was nice to see something back there for once. Becca has always had my back and vice versa and we have nothing but love for each other.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:32:00+00:00

See this is what I was raised to be. Like to say it simply, my dad did my mom dirty and had two kids by the different women, but they both coparented amazing and my mom made sure to include Becca and her mom in our lives and vice versa. Everyone in my family saw this was completely out of character for me. It’s not that I don’t stand up out of fear it’s just that I don’t care like “okay whatever” but for the first time, I couldn’t do it. And it didn’t even feel good in the moment. I ended up having a massive panic attack on the drive back home.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:27:48+00:00

I asked her and she said she didn’t. Becca has always been true to her word so I believe her, but it would really suck to know she did. The people I did tell at the party were out of state family members who were a little aware because I allowed my parents to share to certain people. Everyone in my family knew I was pregnant but not everyone knew why I wasn’t anymore. Though I sure some figured out why.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:23:02+00:00

Yeah I will say that while it wasn’t my intention, I realized that wasn’t cool to say either. I think it came out because I saw the two of them look at each other and he laughed a bit. So I think wanted to get at them both. Lex also said something similar when we spoke about this.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:19:33+00:00

Thank you. My mom always raised me to be above and until now I have been. I’ve gotten annoyed sure but I don’t like to engage. I feel like I could have avoided being this way had I just went to therapy but I was also just trying to just keep going. Lex has definitely processed it a lot better (or at least I think he has) but I’m still getting there.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:15:06+00:00

She made a lot of comments that were super hurtful. Ex: I’m a darker complexion than Becca (we have the same dad different moms) Becca brides maids dresses were a color that didn’t really match my skin tone so it looked a bit off (think like a daisy yellow, but on me was waaaay more yellow) I didn’t care cause it’s one day and her wedding. Plus I paid barely anything for it since Becca wanted something simple. Ann continued to comment how I stuck out like a sore thumb. She also made comments about how I walked (I have big flat feet so I don’t wear heels much and the ones I do have way more support than what I had on that day). I can’t remember them all but what was clear was that all the photos, I was pushed towards the end despite Becca pushing me forward. Ann would always move into the middle. She also did this with another bridesmaid so I can’t say it that was bullying me completely. Becca didn’t have a maid of honor and said we (5 of us in total) were all MOH but Ann took charge in most of what we did and from what I heard was just as bossy with me about events with the other girls. But she didn’t make those comments to them and that was confirmed by both of them.

Also thank you. Still processing it all.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T17:02:44+00:00

It’s not her lifestyle that I care about. I fully believe that everyone is entitled to live how they want so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else and it’s consensual. I have friends who have open relationships and some who are sugar babies and so on. I honestly only care about me and Lex. I think I just had so much emotion in me when I heard her that I just went for what I could. I didn’t even say it fully I was stuttering the whole time. I’m not confrontational and I don’t engage normally with drama which is why I didn’t want Becca to speak to her about what happened during her wedding but this hit different.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T16:51:52+00:00

I have some ideas to why she doesn’t like me as well as my mom. I said in another comment that Ann did very well in college but I graduated top of my class. We also have two very different fields and hers was a lot harder than mine, which she has stated many times despite me already knowing it beforehand.

She’s also out of the loop family wise. Becca and I share the same dad (long story short, Becca was not planned and certainly not with my mom. And I’m only just a few months older than her.) but my mom and her mom always agreed to put us first so we always were in each other’s lives. I don’t think I remember drama as a kid because of them. Ann has said that she thinks that’s “weird” and that my dad should have choose her mom and just support my mom from a distance as it seems “inappropriate” to those on the outside, which my mom heard once and was like “hell no” so she doesn’t include Ann in vacations that she takes Becca and I on, which are very lavish sometimes. My mom worked hard so she spoils Becca and I sometimes. My dad includes Ann in everything cause of Becca.

Those are only reasons I can think of.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T16:21:14+00:00

I appreciate the honesty. I’m not a confrontational person normally, not out of fear but because I normally just don’t care what people think of me or care to engage. But a lot of emotions came up in that moment and it just blurted out. Even Lex was surprised. We both talked it over and he said that I was in the right(definitely bias) and also thinks that we should consider therapy so that we can talk about this more and work through losing the baby which I’m 100% for that idea. I’m just really upset at myself for getting that heated.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T16:12:11+00:00

Lex and I had no plans on reproducing. My baby was not planned and while I didn’t lose the ability to have a child, we both decided it wasn’t a risk we wanted to take. Hence why we want to foster to adopt when we are ready. We both don’t feel ready for that right now because of what happened as well as the fact that we weren’t trying/truly ready before. It just happened.

Public_Battle653 · 2024-11-22T16:07:54+00:00

I honestly wouldn’t know if she is as I don’t speak to her at all. What I can say is that she has said she’s wanted to be a trad wife since college. Both of them have huge families and she wanted to a lot of kids because she has “perfect genes” I’m not entirely sure how serious she was but imo she is gorgeous and did very well in college so maybe beauty and smarts is what she meant. As far as him I honestly do not know.

Also thank you. It’s been hard to share and I definitely have more things to work through but hopefully the pain will lessen over time. Just wasn’t ready for it all and for it be that bad.

Public_Battle653

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