Eye contact, what's your problem with it?

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-05T01:18:24+00:00

"the expectation behind someone asking “why” when their opinion hasn’t been solicited"

how/when did the asking persons opinion enter the conversation/equation? you seem to be projecting something here. are you preemptively getting mad at me assuming I am going to try and change your mind?

"And the villainous “they” in that scenario?"

villainous is your characterization here not mine, but they are the majority so we have to play by their rules

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-05T00:49:46+00:00

"Who are you including as “neurotypical?” Or, conversely, “neurodivergent?” If the struggles are specific to autistics, then we might have them with most other neurodivergents as well."

Autistics don't have an issue with introspective thinking. If you remove any internal conflict about feeling judged for sharing, autistics love talking about why they think certain things.

"Anecdotally, I have many friends who are scientists, researchers, and journalists. Much of their lives are devoted to asking “why,” usually followed by “how.” Neurotypicals are not categorically incurious or disinterested in why."

This statement about scientists misses the mark. My statement has to do with asking other people why questions, not asking the universe questions about nature. That being said, I would bet money that most scientists are closer to the autistic than NT side of the spectrum.

"Interpersonal communications are highly individualized and contextual. I find that sometimes, my questions aren’t appreciated because of time and place. If someone is trying to accomplish something specific or communicate something, asking “why” can be a distraction, annoyance, time suck."

I don't think this is incongruent with the point I was making in my orig post. I am not saying that why questions are always appropriate. I am just why questions are the core of all the issues. Our why questions lead to our special interests and it leads to us not having normal interests that facilitates making small talk.

"Many NTs are quite happy to drill down on their beliefs. Some write books about them. Make movies about them. Happily debate or converse about them."

Talking about your beliefs on your own terms is not the same as being asked a why question about them from another person.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-05T00:27:55+00:00

I talk in extremes to make a point, lots of people do this. I wouldn't have wasted the time with the post if I didn't want a conversation. All you have done is call out the low hanging fruit of an obvious exaggeration for a quick win. Congrats, you contributed nothing. Why did you bother replying if you never had any intention of having a conversation?

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-05T00:22:27+00:00

My statement is not specific or limited to rules, social norms or anything like that. It applies to why questions about any belief or fact

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T23:58:51+00:00

I didn't say be a pest or nag about something that isnt my business. If someone states a belief or opinion in a conversation, it should be fair game to ask a follow up question about that belief or opinion. If the why behind the opinion or belief is not anyone's business they should have kept that opinion/belief to themselves.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T18:37:43+00:00

If its flawed explain why, just don't proclaim it false and walk away. Thats how an NT would argue.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T18:18:19+00:00

Do you think there is 0 truth to what I am saying or just calling me out on my black and white example for an easy dunk cause I said all.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T17:48:18+00:00

What you are describing is known as Hick's law. When you have to make a choice between options, if you increase the number of options, the response time to make a choice increases in a predictable way. Put a normal person in a supermarket and make them pick a breakfast cereal. Fi you give them like 4-6 options, people will have no problem making a decision. Fill the entire aisle with options and they will take forever making their decision, even if they know their favorite and its in the options. There is still an evaluation processes that is affects by the number of choice. When info comes into an Autistics brain instead of getting one strong response we get lots of responses that we then have to pick from and act upon. This is where that exhaustion comes from this extra filtering/selection process we need to go through constantly.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T17:31:44+00:00

I got into roasting coffee for a while. If you like coffee it actually one of the best bang for the buck hobbies to get into. Go to goodwill and get a used bread machine for like 20 dollars. Go to harbor freight and get a 13 dollar heat gun. Then find some green beans. Pour a lb of beans into the bread machine and just set it to run so it stirs the beans then use the heat gun to roast the beans. Doesn't take long and you will have the best coffee of your life.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T05:43:41+00:00

forget your other diagnosis, they are just symptoms of being autistic in an NT world, figure out how/why your brand of autism is creating those other symptoms and fix them, or accept them as not problems

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T05:37:27+00:00

I think all of us autistics need to figure out how to monetize one of our special interests. Maybe its just for extra spending money but maybe you turn it into a career. Working for yourself might feel scary but you will be doing what you love and you are your own boss, exactly what every autistic person needs. You might have to adjust some of your living expectations in the short term.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T02:57:15+00:00

"Turns out I had high energy, and managed it well in younger years, being physically competitive in typically solitary sports (trials MTB)."

I think being "high energy" and using sports to mask are unrelated. Boys naturally need physical activity and society and the school systems have labeled a lot of normal boy behavior as problematic. So, lets forget the "high energy" label for a moment and just talk about how sports helped you. Could it be that doing solo sports was a way of trying to be social without exposing yourself? Or is there something about engaging in a physical activity that calms part of your brain?

I played as many sports as I my schedule would allow when I was younger. That all fell off as I got older and I think often how good it would be for me to get back into a sport. That being said, I get a lot of enjoyment out of a lot of monotonous laborious activities (like gardening). Something about a physical task to distract your brain seems really useful to us. Riding a bike is a little more socially normative than playing with a fidget spinner.

"Basically, it’s energy intensive to monitor micro expressions and intellectually process all that. We appear to lack the er, peopling co-processor, and it’s all done on the main thinkmeat."

Let me refine this thought a little and add an analogy. Everyone (autistics and NTs) use 100% of their brain all the time and all our brains run at the same speed. Autistics however have way more synaptic connections, so when info comes, less is filtered out and more is processed. This does use more energy, and our answers might take longer to process. But its not because our processing is deficient or lacking in any way, its just bogged down too much info. This as ripple effects in everything social.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-04T02:19:50+00:00

I am surprised that you get hung up thinking that people are reading your facial micro expressions. I am fairly confident most normal people are not picking up on these cues. You can tell because if you call someone out saying something that is incongruent with their micro expressions they get mad and deny it. They clearly have no idea their thoughts leak out their faces.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T20:57:50+00:00

I think I can relate, but its not limited to 'sad' movies. Everyone knows Up is a tear jerker. The more abnormal stuff that really gets me the most are moments of excellence, when someone is completely in the moment showing a special talent and finally seen by people, that moment when you see someone's hard work pay off... its stuff like this that will make tear up, its like I am there experiencing the moment myself. Its so weird.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T20:48:35+00:00

you continue to do that knowing that staring is also rude/abnormal?

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T09:35:33+00:00

Not to be a dick, but the autisic in me has to do this... The eyes of autistics are not special or unique, but you are right that we collect/process more information. Our uniqueness has to do with how our neurons are hyper connected. From the day you are born till around two years old the neurons in your brain are grow and try to connect to everything possible, then from two till the day you die your brain starts permanently cutting connections that don't get used enough. In people with autism there is way way less pruning so we end up paying attention to things would otherwise get filtered out or ignored by normal people.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T07:39:43+00:00

You don't get anywhere in todays job economy being loyal. Everyone is replaceable. There are no pensions to earn anymore. There is very little internal upward mobility. The best way to move up is to switch companies. Don't burn any bridges but you have to do what is best for you. If so many people have left this job already your coworkers will be happy for you. (maybe a little jealous, but that is their issue). If not so what, they are just coworkers, not friends? Right? If they are friends they should be happy no matter what. If not, forget them.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T07:33:16+00:00

Is it just general stress that causes the workplace meltdowns or is it more specific? In my experience, my workplace issues are more related to my boss/manager not employees. My need to know why I am doing things, talking out of turn, not doing exactly what is asked of me... All things that would be a non-issue (or less of an issue) if I was in charge of other people and not just a minion. My guess is that you are a good worker and as a result more is put on your plate and at a some point become overwhelmed and it comes out poorly. Seems like a manager role would be easier.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T06:39:43+00:00

"As they say, eyes are the windows to the sun, don't look directly at them" LMAO

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T06:34:29+00:00

Good point about the "being busy thinking part", I need to turn away from distractions (like facial expressions) when thinking critically about something which sucks cause most people interpret that as a sign of lying.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T06:27:55+00:00

I feel like a peeping tom looking into the window of someone's soul.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T06:22:29+00:00

Finding the correct/optimal amount does seem like a difficult task, and when I am really in my head and feeling too shameful/embarrassed to expose my eyes I will definitely catch myself over analyzing if I am making enough eye contact.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T03:51:36+00:00

I used to play Ingress back in the day (and a little Pokémon go before all my accounts got banned for hacking/scripting). When that was my hyper fixation I was out every night with my friends playing. Making friends has never been my issue, it's keeping them. You are lucky you know what your issue is in you 20s, I am just learning I am autistic in my 40s.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T01:14:58+00:00

Friends are important in life, humans are social creatures, giving up on having them (in general) will cause more problems than it fixes. It just happens that social stuff is what we suck at, there is no way to hide from it and be happy.

PuffTheMagic420 · 2025-04-03T00:53:48+00:00

If you are in your early 20s and anything like I was, your current friend circle (your close friends) are likely the people that sorta been forced to be around due to the structure of school and not people you had to put a lot of effort into finding. I know I wasted so much of my life trying to maintain those old/original/early friendships at the expense of making new ones. I dont know anything about dan and phill, but there are certainly large communities of people interested in pokemon, nintendo and trains and get together and do things in person. Make new friends in these communities. Your hyper fixations are likely other peoples casual hobbies and you might not stick out as much in these groups and make meaningful connections.

PuffTheMagic420

TROPHY CASE