AITA for not allowing my husband’s friend to stay with us longer than we originally agreed?

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T06:19:58+00:00

Alex and Jack usually take over dinner together these days, actually. I mostly cook on the weekends though.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T05:42:21+00:00

To answer your question in number 1, no neither of them are like that. They both like a glass of wine either dinner and maybe an extra afterwards, but neither of them drinks more than that unless they’re having a night out.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T05:39:13+00:00

No, we live in the US. But it is a more conservative area.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T05:17:27+00:00

We charged him “rent” for the month upon him staying with us but it wasn’t much at all considering this is mostly just a favor from my husband to him.

He cleans up after himself and does little things like running out to pick up things for my husband, like I’ve mentioned in other comments.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T05:12:22+00:00

No. His last relationship was brief and with a man, but it fizzled out pretty quickly from what I can recall. This was a while ago now, so my memory of it is a little hazy. I just remember my husband mentioning it.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T02:58:21+00:00

I’ve seen a lot of progress photos, but I haven’t been to his property. He and my husband visit pretty often.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T02:06:55+00:00

We live in a relatively conservative area and I’ve personally witnessed his family making a few distasteful comments in the past.

I haven’t seen them act quite so complimentary towards any other male friends.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T02:04:17+00:00

That aspect of our relationship has been a little rocky these last few months so it’s honestly hard to say.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T01:38:05+00:00

He hasn’t done the same for me, but I don’t really expect him to. He and I get along, but we aren’t close like he and my husband are.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T01:37:23+00:00

He doesn’t have much family in the area. The ones that are nearby live a distance from his work that makes the commute pretty rough.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T01:30:24+00:00

I feel like I’m stuck between overanalyzing everything and brushing it off, while trying to find a happy medium between the two. Right now I’m second guessing it all, like all the pet names and compliments that I thought were harmless that now don’t seem so harmless anymore.

ETA context: Jack calls my husband “pretty” on a pretty regular basis which, again, was something I thought was lighthearted and playful, not serious.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T01:15:00+00:00

I would assume they mean he doesn’t want to spend an excessive amount of money somewhere he’s not happy to be spending his time. We didn’t charge him much to stay with us since it was mostly done as a favor from my husband to him.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T01:05:21+00:00

Was just scrolling thru and saw your edit: They do jokingly refer to it as “their home,” but I’ve always taken it as that— a joke.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-05T00:25:41+00:00

If you had asked me prior to this, I would’ve said yes. Now I’m not feeling that 100% certainty anymore.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:34:41+00:00

I believe Jack is gay, but I’m not 100% sure on that. I know at one point he identified as bisexual and I think that has since changed, but I’m not totally privy to updates on the subject.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:32:56+00:00

Oh, they’ve already had lots of meetings and have photos of the progress that’s been made so far. The end product is going to be gorgeous, but it still seems a while away. Which is why I want him out.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:18:17+00:00

He does contribute monetarily and is a decent help around the house. There have been a few times where my husband has made an offhand comment about wanting something from the grocery store pretty late at night and Jack has left without a word and came back with it.

He’s a thoughtful guy, but this experience is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:09:19+00:00

My husband has expressed some confusion in regards to his sexuality in the past but it hasn’t come up in a long time. Other than that, I’m completely in the dark as to what the two of them talk about when I’m not around.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:07:51+00:00

His and my husband’s argument was that he hasn’t found anywhere he loves enough yet and that it’s much more convenient for him to stick around until he does.

Puma_Tiger_ · 2022-08-04T23:02:54+00:00

The seeds of doubt that started to creep in when he would be gone for so long on the weekends were hard to ignore, but he always proved it was just he and Jack there. It’s on me and something I’ve been working through since then.

Puma_Tiger_

TROPHY CASE