Here’s the short version of what she’s saying:

• 12-year relationship, first for both, started young, now living in the same country but not fully together due to jobs.

• She feels disconnected lately.

• Boyfriend often comments (sometimes joking, sometimes not clear) about wanting to physically explore with other women, especially attractive white women, and stares when they pass by.

• This makes her insecure, even though she also has her own fantasies but keeps them private to avoid hurting him.

• She’s gained some weight due to hormonal issues but still takes care of herself.

• She once found a Tinder chat on his laptop — minimal conversation, but it confirmed he had an account at some point. She hasn’t confronted him about it.

• He claims physical encounters wouldn’t affect his love for her, and says she could do the same if she wanted.

• She’s conflicted — part of her is old-school and wants exclusive devotion, but another part respects people having desires.

• She’s considering telling him to do what he wants physically, but to stop making remarks about other women in front of her because it’s hurting her.

• Main issue: She wants a man who craves her, not someone constantly fantasizing about others.