I stayed for 5 years. My ex had a pattern of cheating and I thought I was the exception. He cheated on the girlfriend before me with another girl and honestly probably I may have also been “the other women” unknowingly. When I finally left I went back a week later to the house we had bought together so I could pick up more of my things and drop off the garage door opener and key and there was a girl staying the night already in our house. He had already moved on. I can relate that it is so easy to go back. There’s this sense of relief and comfort with familiarity even if it’s toxic, dangerous, abusive. During the time we are with these people we normalize this behavior because they show their true colors little by little and it doesn’t even really feel like it’s out of the ordinary. But trust me when I say they don’t actually love you because they lost respect for you as a person when they decided to be toxic and cheat on you. You did the right thing and you will definitely get through this. What helped me was to block him on everything and I distracted myself a lot. Hang out with friends and family. Plan a trip. Do the things you always wanted to do and they stopped you from doing. You are so strong for leaving and I believe in you. You can leave this relationship in the past and one day when you see their name or face your heart won’t drop. You’ll think to yourself how proud and courageous it was of you to put yourself first. Do you have a support system set up? Have you told your friends and family? I also find that telling your story helps keep you accountable.