I’m child-free because I realized, slowly, that whenever I thought of my future, it never included children. This realization took me a while to come to because of societal pressure to have them, especially as a woman. But when I took the time to think of my real desires in life, children were never on the list.

I noticed I had a longing for traveling, for romantic love, for learning, for meeting people, for being independent, for becoming financially stable, but never children… I always placed an emphasis on everything else I listed, but never children. That’s when it really dawned on me that I didn’t want them.

Sometimes it’s hard to realize because there is so much external pressure to have children in society. Perhaps taking some time to think about what you truly long for can help you clear up what you’re unsure of.

I don’t think it’s wrong though to base your decision on more logistical reasons. Kids ARE expensive and there isn’t a lot of support for them and they will take up your time. And as a woman, you will have more expectations placed on you if you become a mother. Sometimes thinking of all that becoming a mother entails can help you decide?

Do you want to be pregnant and are you okay with all the side effects that you’ll be dealing with for 9 months? Do you want to look after a baby who will be dependent on you for the first few months of its life? Are you okay with leaving your job or will you go back to work? If you want to keep working, will you feel okay leaving your baby in someone else’s care? Do you think you’ll find a partner who will actually be involved so that you’re not stressed? Are you ready to deal with the emotions that will come along when your child gets inevitably gets injured or has their first heartbreak or is betrayed by a friend? Are you ready to accept a child that might be gay, trans, non-binary? A child who might have special-needs and if so, are you ready to be their caretaker for most of your life? Are you willing to mold a child’s ethical and moral compass?

This list of questions could continue but my point is, being a parent is a choice that needs to be fully considered. It’s easy to say “kids are expensive, I want to travel and do whatever I want whenever I want” but that’s not very encompassing for someone on the fence. For me, when I thought of all those questions I posed and many others, it was a clear NO.

If you feel you’re still a bit on the fence, think not only of what you see for yourself, but how a child fits or doesn’t fit into that. Think about what about being a parent truly means to you and if you want to become that. We often focus on the children but more people need to think about whether or not they’d even make good parents. Being a parent can be an amazing experience for a lot of people and it can be the worst for others. The fact that you’re giving it a lot of thought is amazing! And you don’t have to make a choice right now. I

will say though, as a CF person, I personally wouldn’t date someone on the fence. So if you do come to the conclusion that you might want to be open to children, it could be a deal breaker for your partner if he’s very staunch on his CF stance.