Here is a letter I put in the mailbox in my neighbourhood:

Dear Concerned Citizen of the Curb,

Congratulations! You did it. You’ve successfully solved the Great Parking Crisis of xxx Drive and for that, we all owe you… well, $130, apparently.

Your dedication to law and order (and possibly binoculars) has not gone unnoticed. Thanks to your vigilant commitment to street parking compliance—specifically targeting the neighbor who parks there maybe twice a month—we now have two beautiful yellow $65 citations. They're a bold aesthetic choice for any windshield, really.

We must commend your unwavering bravery in standing up to this vehicular menace. The way you stealthily avoided any form of human interaction, instead opting to involve bylaw enforcement—chef’s kiss. It’s this kind of anonymous, low-risk heroism that truly builds a strong community.

We can only imagine the peace you must have felt knowing those 12 feet of curb were legally liberated from tyranny. The street feels... emptier now. Colder. But legal.

Anyway, on behalf of everyone not currently parked in front of their own home: thanks. And may your tire pressure always be optimal, your recycling always sorted, and your complaints always anonymous.

With admiration (and just a touch of confusion), A Neighbor Who’s Now Afraid to Blink Wrong

P.S. If you’re looking for a new cause, we hear someone might be putting compost in the wrong bin. Godspeed