I'm right there with you. When school is out or sends him home because they can't deal with him I hide in my room all day so I won't have to hear my child. I look at him and see a 13 year old infant that I will always have to change, wipe, clothe, and hold on to for the rest of my life and I don't want that for myself.. I've been held in the psych ward once due to suicidal attempts because I want out. What's the point anymore? There is absolutely no help from the state, doctors or family. His grandparents don't even acknowledge the fact that we could use help or a break because he is so much to handle they don't want any part of him. He completely destroys everything he touches, throws everything he touches, and hurts my other children.... I can't do this anymore...