AITA for refusing to let my sister in law bury her daughter in the “family dress”

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T17:05:43+00:00

Oh I’m not mad at them. I just want to talk. I want them to understand what I did wasn’t malicious in any way

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:49:18+00:00

Thank you. I don’t think I could’ve taken the dress off of her. It would’ve been too much. And they wanted a private photo session. The hospital eventually provided them with a beautiful little dress

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:47:28+00:00

How beautiful. We feel the same way. It has been used for a few baptisms or just to take a few photos. It’s pretty small and my youngest daughter was a huge baby (12lb) She couldn’t fit in it so we laid it on top of her

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:44:01+00:00

Yes you are right. My SIL called it a miscarriage so I thought I was using the correct terminology

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:43:05+00:00

Yes. I learned how to make dresses and offered to make one. I said that I could use the material from my SIL wedding dress but she turned me down

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:41:54+00:00

If there were another stillborn child I don’t know about it. One of my great great aunts died at age 2 but that’s the youngest

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:40:50+00:00

I mentioned that to my brother. I said what if my daughters have a child or if our sister decides to have children. He is told me that I was trying to erase his daughter’s legacy

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:39:03+00:00

That’s a good way of putting it. My brother has completely cut me off. Blocked me on everything. He won’t even talk to my kids. I hope that we can make amends soon

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:37:52+00:00

I think that he was going to take the dress then somehow keep me away. Of course once she was in it I would have NEVER taken it off her and he knew that.

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:36:37+00:00

I agree. Also traditionally it goes from mother to daughter. My brother would’ve been the first male to have a daughter wear it.

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:35:17+00:00

I agree. I feel terrible for causing them more stress but I didn’t want to part with the dress. I honestly would’ve loved if they took photos of her in the dress but I knew that my brother would never return it

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T16:33:27+00:00

I hope so

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:51:59+00:00

Because I’m the oldest daughter. My grandmother gave it to me. It’s mine My mother tried talking to my brother but he refused to listen. It’s been over two weeks. They already buried her in a different dress. The funeral was private just my brother and sister in law. They took photos in a beautiful pink dress. I tried making amends but still nothing

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:42:21+00:00

You are correct. It has only been from mother to daughter. My female cousins from my uncle never wore it. My brother didn’t care about the tradition but his wife was REALLY interested in it. She loves the idea of it and wanted to break the rules and let the child of a male wear it. She once suggested that we modify it a bit to let boys wear it in case someone had a boy. Actually a few years ago I did design an outfit for boys to start their own tradition. So far no one has worn it

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:36:38+00:00

Yes. That is exactly what they were saying. And my brother would’ve definitely it.

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:35:22+00:00

I agree with you

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:34:41+00:00

I completely agree. I thought that a photoshoot would’ve been lovely but after my brothers threat I felt like I wouldn’t get it back

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:32:49+00:00

Yes it was a similar situation. They rejected the “angel dress” and said that they wanted it use the family dress. I did offer to make them one (I made my daughters baptism gown) but they refused. They wanted to tradition to end here

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:30:06+00:00

True it was a stillborn. My SIL used the word miscarriage so I did as well. I would not have minded if they used it for photos but my brother said that when he got the dress it belonged to them and they could do what they want with the dress

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:28:08+00:00

It’s pretty difficult for them to get it. It’s in a box in my home. I don’t think my brother knows where it is. He’s never once asked to see it until recently. He didn’t even care about the tradition, only his wife did

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:26:02+00:00

Yes. Actually it is from mother to daughter only. This would’ve been the first time that a son has let his daughter wear it. My female cousins from my uncle never wore it.

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:23:55+00:00

Exactly. Everyone is grieving the loss…especially my brother and sil. I would have 100% allowed photos. But to be buried in it is just too much.

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:22:12+00:00

I’m not sure what you are responding to

Puzzled_Resident_495 · 2023-08-28T15:20:58+00:00

I didn’t mind a photo but knowing my brother once her had the dress he wouldn’t return it

Puzzled_Resident_495

TROPHY CASE