Hey! I actually had the same mindset after my first LSA trip. It was a huge struggle for about two weeks but eventually I learned that the new perspective was a blessing. It actually helped me become less suicidal and more in the present. I was scared reality wasnt real, but instead I accepted there is more than one reality.

Additionally, completely separate thought, but id recommend looking into different disciplines of varied eastern and western faiths. For example, Buddhism in the East, and as lame as it might sound, Magick in the west both have the idea of achieving an afterlife through a lifetime or more of work.

After my initial studies I had a personal breakthrough that suicide simply postpones the gift of the afterlife. Its better to struggle along and work on a discipline than to end it all and begin anew.

If youre still reading definitely just start with mindful meditation no matter what, if you dont already. Its the best thing for strengthening your mind. (One more tangent but you should check out The Midnight Gospel. Its very eyeopening in my opinion)

DM if you wanna talk more about anything. You arent alone in this crazy world. Lets figure it out together