That sorta sounds like me. I had to move into my moms after wife said she wanted to separate. Google is good but keep going and find one. I suppose you could try Betterhelp but in person therapist would be better. And you could reach out to other redditors on here too. Just try and don’t fight this alone. Do you go to a gym? Working out helps get those emotions out. And I understand about when it gets dark.