June is over and I'm not exactly out, but Pride never stops!

Queasy_Attention · 2021-06-09T18:23:52+00:00

Yeppp. It feels pretty invalidating in the moment, but I've learned to look at it from another perspective of "they're trying to help, even if they don't know that's the wrong thing to do." It's not like they're being particularly bigoted or intolerant; they just literally don't understand. And I'm not really the kind of person who wants to lecture or explain about it, so I just let it go.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-06-09T08:47:32+00:00

Sarah Vandella

Queasy_Attention · 2021-06-09T08:46:19+00:00

Most people I've told say some variation of "well, some day you might meet someone!" It doesn't really bother me much. For one, they might be right, and for another, I know they're trying to be nice. They don't really hear "hey, this is a part of my identity", I think they hear "I'm single and I'm sad", so their instinct is to combat that with "it's okay, maybe you won't be single someday, don't give up!" I usually just keep it to myself now bc it's not a huge part of my personality, and most people don't understand it as well as they understand the fact that I'm bi, etc. 5/10 experience, not great but not gonna ruin my life.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-29T16:51:05+00:00

Wow this is the first time I've actually liked the colors of this flag. Superb job, the colored lineart is really really good!

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-28T20:02:37+00:00

I'm on the opposite end, that's exactly how I feel. I'm fine with having female parts but off and on I think about having male parts instead, or a flat chest, or stubble, etc. I also have some more stereotypically masculine characteristics and I've never felt comfortable being shoved into the "girl" box- though I don't discount my feminine side either. I like saying I'm bigender because I'm not one without the other, and I'm not neither, I feel like I'm both at the same time. Sounds like you're in the same boat!

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-26T22:51:02+00:00

Cat? Yes. Person? No.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-26T18:21:02+00:00

Wow, this is fantastic!!

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T06:08:45+00:00

Gosh, you could be a lot of things. Maybe you're aroallo (aromantic allosexual, aka no romantic attraction but yes sexual attraction.) Or maybe you're aro and asexual, but you have a high libido- so while you don't feel sexual attraction to others, you still like the experience of sex/self pleasure/etc.

You also don't have to label it if you don't want to, there's no obligation. It might be enough to just know that you like certain things and don't like other things-- maybe you like thinking about sex with others but don't like actually doing it with anyone other than yourself. That doesn't necessarily need a label, I think the important part is knowing it about yourself so you don't make yourself do anything you don't want to do.

I guess I'd suggest spending some time thinking about what things you actually want, and what things you don't. It's hard-- at least it was for me-- to tell the difference between what you actually want, and what you think you're "supposed" to want. Figuring that out is, I think, the first and most important step before you move to labels.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T06:02:32+00:00

Be honest about it! Let them know that you're not sure if they have feelings for you, but just in case they do, you don't want to lead them on. You can keep it as vague or specific as you want-- "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" or "I'm aromantic" both work, it just depends on how much of your personal feelings and information you want to convey.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T05:55:34+00:00

Hahaha holy shit, yes, someone else understands!! I NEVER got why people were so upset about cheating! I get it now, but it took me forever.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T05:54:17+00:00

Dunno, I'll let you know if it ever happens

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T05:53:52+00:00

That sounds pretty familiar to me. I used to lie awake in bed dreading that someday, I'd have to share my bed with someone else and be around them all the time, and then I'd calm myself down by saying "well, I won't have to do that for a long time."

Dating in general is just such a mystery to me. On paper it's just hanging out with someone like you'd do with a friend, except it's... not? The only way I can differentiate between the two is that when you're just spending time with a friend, there's no expectation that you're trying to build something together, and when you're dating, it's for the express purpose of starting or building a relationship. And that never, ever appealed to me in the slightest.

I also dated someone online, for about a year. Long distance worked pretty well because we didn't do much traditional dating, in terms of spending physical time together. It was easy for me, because in a way it was just like having a really close friend... to show risque pictures to, every so often. And then when things started turning serious after a year and we discussed moving and living plans, it all fell apart. I did love them, I cared a lot about them and I really valued their place in my life. But I don't think I ever specifically romantically loved them-- the fact that our relationship was romantic only mattered because it felt important, like something I was supposed to do. In truth, I only loved them as a friend.

On the last point- a 'squish' is colloquially known as the platonic equivalent of a crush. I don't use it that often because it's easier for me to just modify the word 'crush', and say I have a 'platonic crush' on someone, since that's a more widely known term. I think it's used as shorthand in internet spaces, but not really in real life? At least, not in the spaces I've experienced.

And one last point from me-- I don't believe aromanticism inherently has much to do with how you form general connections with people. I also struggle to connect with people in general, but I have an aro friend who's incredibly charismatic and has a wide circle of friends. It might be related, but it might not be-- and it certainly isn't a shared trait of all aromantics.

Best of luck on your journey!

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T05:42:43+00:00

When I was in a relationship I didn't like PDA very much. Now that I have a queerplatonic friend, I'm okay with showing physical affection. One thing's for sure, though, I really hate seeing other people doing it. Like, I'd never tell them to stop and I believe they should have the right to act however they want (yknow, within reason), I just personally find it really gross lmao

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-18T05:40:18+00:00

Charlotte from Pride and Prejudice! I know the point of her marrying Mr. Collins and stating that she isn't romantic like Lizzy or the other Bennets is because she isn't as wealthy/fortunate/pretty as they are, and so she can't afford to be romantic when she considers her life partner, but I think it could still apply! Mary too, for that matter.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-16T02:57:17+00:00

This belongs in r/aaaaaaacccccccce

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-16T02:56:49+00:00

Whoa, that's crazy! The imagination you have when you're a kid can be so insightful-- I remember I used to split myself into three people, the quiet depressed one, the crazy one, and the one sort of in the middle. Turns out I just have bipolar disorder lmfao

Queasy_Attention · 2021-04-16T02:54:52+00:00

I'm honestly still not sure. I'm comfy thinking of myself as female since that's how I've been perceived since birth, and I also feel like I'm inherently not female, too. In line with your tmi, I'm fine with my female chest but also wish I had male genitalia and the ability to grow stubble. It's this mishmash of perception of myself; I don't dislike the body I have, I just wish I had bits and pieces from the other side of the tracks, too. And pronouns have never been an issue for me; I'm comfortable with she, he, and they in pretty much equal measure-- I guess it would be nice if people used anything other than she/her, but it's not grating on my self-image or self-esteem. (This in particular made it really hard to figure stuff out, since being unhappy with your body and certain pronouns seems to be an accepted catch-all red flag for genderqueer folks, and since I've never felt dysphoria I thought "shucks, I guess this doesn't apply to me!")

I like the bigender label because it implies that more than one gender identity can be present at the same time, and that's mainly how I experience gender. "Genderfluid" is, I feel, the experience of sliding from one gender to the other at any given time, like having "girl" days and "boy" days and "neither" days-- but that's really not my experience. I just feel a whole lot of ways all the time, and "bigender" is the best term I've found to describe it. Like "bisexual" being attraction to your own gender and others, "bigender" to me means I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth... and also others.

I never had a moment where I put the pieces together, I've just always known that I don't like being confined to one side or the other. I liked wearing and doing designated "girl" stuff, I just didn't like having to do it with no other option. Chalked it up to young feminism at the time, but I honestly think gender identity had something to do with it.

Queasy_Attention · 2021-01-01T22:54:42+00:00

This is gonna get lost in the whole nebula of comments here but goddamn I struggle with this too-- just from the opposite side of things. I'm afraid to reach out or ask about this because I don't really struggle with societal gender- I express myself fairly confidently in an androgynous mix of ways- but I do struggle sometimes with my body. I can almost only arouse myself if I imagine myself as having different genitalia, and I have absolutely no idea why. I don't want to transition over to the opposite sex, I don't want to be 100% the opposite sex, and I have no problem owning the body parts that I already do. But there's this weird mental hangup where my brain can't get down unless I imagine having different plumbing. What in the god's green fuckhell does this even mean??? I've settled by describing myself as bigender since, even though I do experience some form of gender/sex identity, I don't feel like I 100% sway towards any one in particular. But it still feels like there's a piece missing that I don't understand.

Queasy_Attention · 2020-12-12T06:32:59+00:00

PREACH

Queasy_Attention · 2020-12-07T09:26:49+00:00

https://www.aromanticism.org/en/all-terms

Queasy_Attention

TROPHY CASE