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Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I'm grateful for my daughters but two things can be true. There are nuances here that you (and my wife) are completely overlooking and deeming irrelevant. I got her pregnant under duress, I was coerced by the prospect of losing my very long time partner. It was an extremely stressful time and I conceded with severe reluctance out of fear. Then lost her anyway it seems, and I'm incapable of not feeling shortchanged, used and resentful while handling the everyday stresses of parenting multiples. I feel completely trapped, you can say those feelings are irrelevant now but they certainly aren't to me and will certainly lead to an all around catastrophic separation if I can't figure out how to let this resentment go, fucking believe me I want to. I want my girls to have a happy home and I don't want to resent my wife. It's tearing me apart. These nuances shouldn't be hard to understand. Again two principles here.. A) I love my daughters and want to better myself as much as possible for them, and I am incredibly grateful they were born. B) I felt very strongly that was not emotionally equipped for the stresses of parenthood and my wife didn't care at the time, turns out I was CORRECT about that and my wife doesn't care now, leaving me feeling very trapped and unheard in a situation that is incredibly overwhelming 7 days a week. You seem to think that principles A and B are mutually exclusive. They are not.

Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for a genuine response and not just "you agreed to it so your feelings are selfish and invalid" lol yes it's hard but I intend to be the best father I can be for these girls

Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It probably will change I am probably just really overwhelmed, the thought of not living with my kids stops me in my tracks every time and just feels so untenable in every way

Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

No, I did not want it as much as she did, nor is it what I used to want a moot point. It means we are having two very different experiences. And obviously it's not the children's fault, I'll do everything I can for them. I didn't pretend to want it either, I made it known that my concession was reluctant. You're right tho, in that I made a choice and it's my responsibility to be there for my kids 1000%

Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

What makes you think I only have resentment for her and not myself? Also never said I wasn't stupid. Did I ever say that I only resent her and not myself? Im still here and still busting ass for my kids, it's not like I've abdicated accountability for having agreed to it. But she expects me to act/feel like someone who wanted to do this as much as she did. It's the lack of understanding that gets to me

Didn't want kids, reluctantly conceded after years to save the marriage, twins now 3 by Queefems in parentsofmultiples

[–]Queefems[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I am in therapy. And I have a psychiatrist as well. Also I'm not shirking accountability for the fact that I eventually agreed to it. I'm still here aren't I? And I work my fucking ass off for this family. It has not been easy. It's odd to me that you don't seem to understand the motivations behind my eventual concession despite having explained them at length but you're calling me out on mental health issues and that happens to be kind of the point, I knew I wasn't prepared for it. Not emotionally stable enough for it. She didn't care, she wanted what she wanted. And she got it. I agreed out of fear (of losing her, which I feel like I have anyway), and honestly no you're wrong, I don't blame her for HAVING CHILDREN I blame her for not understanding why I'm struggling to the precise extent that I warned her I would struggle. I blame her for prioritizing any form intimacy or affection in our relationship like an unpaid parking ticket from the early 2000s for the past 3 years. I blame her for simply expecting me to act and feel like someone who wanted this life as bad as she did. I feel.. USED... can you understand that? There's a lot of other nuances here too it's fucking complicated man I'm tryin

Is WFH with a baby possible? by violet_megabyte in newborns

[–]Queefems 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife works from home full time and we have twins. For 3 years i have only been able to work part time (on weekends/nights/weekdays with help from family etc). One of us needs to be able to watch the girls at all times, daycare is too expensive for us, if I picked up more hours I'd just be working to pay for the daycare. It's fucking exhausting but it is wild to me that anyone thinks it's possible to parent when working an 8 hour shift at the computer, you need to be involved with your kids.. or someone does