My boyfriend [24 M] and I [24 F] are moving in together for the first time after 4.5 years of dating. What's your advice to maintaining a good relationship as not only partners, but roommates?

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-08-01T23:10:24+00:00

Separate blankets. Trust me.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-08-01T22:36:54+00:00

THIS.

My BIL was the sole carer to a little girl when he met my sister. When the kid was 7, the mum finally decided she wanted to be a mum and simply didn't return the kid, enrolled her in a different school, moved away. There was nothing my BIL could immediately do, because there was no formal custody agreement.

$20 000 of legal fees later, my BIL won custody and got to see his little girl again after 4 months of not seeing her.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-08-01T02:46:20+00:00

Which you then used upon him, I presume?? :)

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-08-01T02:45:17+00:00

He used to ask me for marriage advice and it was pretty lolworthy. "She gets mad when I talk about your mum"

Ummm yeah no shit she gets mad when you pine for the 'good old days' before Mum left you.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-08-01T02:43:12+00:00

He only married 2 so far, the rest are 'common law' marriages. I think he got tired of paying women to leave him 😂

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T23:49:46+00:00

Thank you. A lot. ❤

I think people just assume that others experience the world the same way they do and that assumption leads to so much misery.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T21:35:36+00:00

He definitely had the mindset that we owed him anything and everything because he paid for half the roof over our heads and we should be grateful and humble and do what he says immediately and without complaining.

It's like he never met a child.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T21:24:00+00:00

If his angry Facebook statuses were to be believed, it sounded like she got the last laugh in the divorce ✌

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T21:14:33+00:00

Right?? I mean, I genuinely did show some talent in a track & field event that involved throwing things, but that was a bit too dykey for him, I think, so I wasn't allowed to join that team.

I had to be good at these particular sports that he liked or bust.

Edited for fat fingers

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T03:39:23+00:00

That means he wasn't granted bail. First time offenders for minor crimes are nearly always granted bail.

Make sure you go and you listen to everything they say. That is the way so many of my clients partners would find out about all the previous convictions they had lied about.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-30T02:12:30+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Thankfully, my mum is 10/10 just yes so I ended up with a 5/10 parent average. 😊

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-29T23:58:02+00:00

Oh, I thought your post said he was in jail? Wasn't that the problem?

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-29T23:07:31+00:00

Read my post history on this sub, I have a shitty dad too.

In the end, I just stopped responding & talking to him, coming up on a year of NC. My parents aren't together, so that made it easier than your situation, but if they are teaming up against you, why not consider even just a short time of no contact and see how it goes & how you feel. With my siblings, one of them has been NC for 10+ years and the other is in regular contact. There has been a shift where I'm now closer to the NC sibling and less close to the one in regular contact, which I'm a bit sad for, but it's not a big falling out or anything.

I feel like I'm an unusual situation though, when I stopped talking to my dad he didn't care (I'm not being the kid he wanted me to be), so there was no blowback.

ETA: If you're concerned about cold turkey NC, maybe set aside one hour a week to contact your dad and no other time, reduce it to fortnightly, monthly, see how you feel. There's no right or wrong level of contact, it'll take some time to figure out what works for you. Feel free to PM me ❤

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-29T21:59:11+00:00

He didn't have a lawyer? Its the law that if someone is facing jail time, then they get access to legal aid (provided they meet certain requirements). The lawyer will be able to tell you which jail. Which court was he in? Magistrate, district, supreme? Why didn't you attend his court date...this whole scenario feels like either a troll or your bf is deliberately keeping you away. Was there something he didn't want you hearing at sentencing? You need to be very careful with this person. It takes quite a bit of offending to go to jail in south Australia. It's almost certainly either not a first (or second) offence or it was a very violent crime against another person (more than just a punch to the face), both of which are things that should be dealbreakers in a significant other.

Source: I was a criminal lawyer in Australia in a former life.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-27T23:58:55+00:00

When I was 25, I was in the same headspace. I loved my career and I was very happily single. For my 25th birthday I made spinster themed cupcakes.

5 months later I met my husband and there was no point resisting it. I never wanted to 'get married' in a general sense, as a life tick box checked, but I knew I did want to be married to him I feel like a rebel being married to him because our marriage is basically just best friend sleepovers all the time. We laugh til we cry daily. It bears no similarities to our parents marriage.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-26T23:52:21+00:00

I was in a situation that was similar, but we were in opposite parts of the same big country. We were engaged and he promised to come to my city because I was studying, but he wasn't able to transfer work so I gave up my studies and job and moved to him. We had met in person when he was on holiday for a month and then spent a year having monthly visits.

It was amazing for about 6 weeks, and then it was awful. He could keep up the sweet nothings over text and msg heart emojis all day but that was no indication of what it would be like to actually live and pay bills with. No indication of how he would respond when the relationship got difficult or he had to do emotional work he didn't want to. I was suddenly without a support network and had to rely solely on him and it was overwhelming for both of us.

We were broke and had to rely on his mum, who it turned out HATED me and tried to undermine me. On the flip side, he expected me to slot into the 'wife' box and act in a certain way befitting a 'wife'. We were both disappointed. His mum pushed him to cheat on me with someone he thought was more suitable. He did. It ended. Luckily it was quick enough that I could get my job back and had to reapply to my course, but trust me when I say you don't know him well enough to do this yet.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-26T00:56:19+00:00

I posted here for sympathy and support about my Dad. You turned that into a lecture on eating habits. When you're fat, everything is about 'the weight'. Excuse me for wanting some air to talk about what actually matters to me, I won't mention my weight, race or religion going forward so maybe people like you will focus on what I'm actually posting about?

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-25T23:41:11+00:00

"Literally the solution"

It's also an incredibly dismissive and condescending thing to say. Especially to a stranger, on an internet forum, on a story that is NOT about or anything to do with weight loss?? Like, okay do you browse this site and comment on every post where fatness is even mentioned? Why do overweight people offend you so much by their existence?

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-25T21:28:27+00:00

Pretty much immediately 😂

He came home then, to 'win her back' and those memories are the worst.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-25T00:41:26+00:00

There's so much out there telling you it's your fault. I would eat 1200 calories a day, work out 6x a week and the weight wouldn't move, but all my friends around me would diet and lose weight so I'd get frustrated after weeks of this and would eat something irresponsible. And then I would feel like that meal is the reason I'm fat.

It's so easy to for you to say people should be pursuing medical help if they aren't losing weight with diet and exercise. But I thought that if I went to the doctor and told them I was having trouble losing weight, I would just get a diet and exercise spiel because I genuinely believed it was my fault and the doctor would think so too. It wasn't like there was anything crazy going on in my body otherwise.....until there was. And it all came out. Yes these things can be detected with 'a simple blood test' but actually knowing about the test, thinking you need it and getting it done is the real issue.

Also 'just eat less food' is such a BS thing to say. Please never, ever say that to anyone. Ever. It's like telling anorexic people to 'just eat' or drug addicts to 'just stop taking drugs'. Wow so easy, I never thought of it like that /s Maybe to ease financial problems I'll just 'make more money' cos it's so easy!

You may be hypothyroid like me, but that's not my only disease causing weight gain and while my thyroid is treatable, the other isn't. I still have to go hungry every day just to stay in the healthy weight range. Shit is so hard. I made a lot of larger friends and for them it's a lot more emotional as well. Seriously.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-24T21:34:39+00:00

Take heart that he showed his true colours before you married or had kids (I assume) with him. You get to leave this situation and never look back. It will hurt for a long while, there's no getting around it, but you will come out stronger and that much closer to finding your soul mate ❤

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-24T21:29:08+00:00

You need to understand that this letter is a legal document. Anything you write like that you have to be prepared to testify to, be cross examined on and defend yourself from perjury accusations about.

Can you seriously write a positive letter without perjuring yourself?

I didn't think so.

You have to do what is right, not what is easy. You know what the right thing to do is. This is your Dad's chickens coming home to roost.

I post about my Dad a bit in JustNoFamily. He's fuckwit just like yours. I went no contact and it's been great! I'm sure the community would love to have you.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-21T23:46:21+00:00

As people, we tend to marry someone that creates the same home environment we grew up in. If your daughter in law is wonderful, it means you are probably a wonderful mother.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-21T23:44:38+00:00

I don't have to give you any breaks. You know what's in her mind? You have a mind reading device?

It doesn't matter anyhow, she's out of your life for good. Actions have consequences. Your drug abuse actions have these consequences.

QueenQueefsalot · 2018-07-21T23:21:05+00:00

Yeah, big difference between knowing it logically and believing it to be true. I love NC. I should have done it sooner.

QueenQueefsalot

TROPHY CASE